Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones

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Lost 1:20, "Do No Harm"

Poor Boone. He's all laid up >>dying from smush<<, and it's still all about Jack.

I have to note here that this is going to be a crappy recap for three reasons:

1) The beginning was cut off by a local news report about frickin' thunderstorms: "Before we go into primetime programming..." NO! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE, JAMES SPANN! "This has been an ABC..." I KNOW! JESUS!! Because, I have to tell you, the only thing that drives me crazier than James Spann taking his sweet-ass time to tell me about hail that never actually comes is the screen we get after that, which is a station logo over which some announcer sloooowly intones, "This has been... an ABC 33/40... Weather... Report." NO, REALLY? I AM ASTONISHED TO DISCOVER THAT THE LAST THREE MINUTES OF MY LIFE WERE WASTED ON WEATHER! WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME HOW I JUST WITNESSED AN ABC 33/40 LOGO SHOT TOO, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT? I DON'T ACTUALLY NEED TO WATCH THIS TELEVISION SHOW AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CAPSLOCK OF RAAAAAAGE!!11!

2) I watched most of the medical portions of the show through my fingers. So... most of the show.

3) We are entering the "cold sweat" portion of my head cold, and so, for some reason, I could not understand a damn thing Boone said all night. I can't tell if it's because my ears are stopped up, or because of the dying-from-smush thing. So... bear with me, here.

So by the time I am allowed to start watching the show, by the grace of God and my ABC affiliate, people are rushing around the Emergency Cave, and Jack's all like, "HURLEY, I SWEAR TO GOD." I think I hear Hurley say "Lord in Heaven," but I'm not sure. Hurley faints under pressure, particularly gory pressure, as you will recall. Someone, I think Kate, is told to go down to the beach and ransack Sawyer's stuff for all his alcohol. Boone's lung, announces Jack, has just collapsed. Jack stabs Boone in the chest with a stabby thing, such as is commonly used for stabbing, and Kate makes the same face I am making right now, which is the AHHHHHHHH face. Jack has no patience with either of us: "IF YOU WANT HIM TO LIVE, GET TO THE BEACH!" Kate scampers off. Meanwhile, Sun is already stepping into place as Jack's My First Nurse castaway doll.

Flashjack. Jack and some redheaded guy are trying on suits, and Red is bitching about Jack's attempts to tie his tie rather than clip it on ("You know why they call it a tie? Because IT TIES"), and WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE, BOONE IS DYING. "You can still back out," says Jack. "Nah," says Red. I didn't catch exactly what he said, but it was something about giving a speech, I think--for, as we now come to realize, Red is not the one getting married. "Groom's turn," says the tailor, and Jack turns around wtf. "You can still back out, Jack," says Red. I think Jack says "Nah," but I can't remember.

Emergency Cave. "His chest--the wound--can you sew him?" asks Sun. Sun has far greater presence of mind in this episode than Jack, despite all his years of medical training. Of course, on the other hand, she's not the surgeon of record, so maybe she has room to relax. "I don't know how far Locke had to carry him," says Jack, which is kind of a non sequitur to "can you sew him?," but, again: nickel-sized hail is supposed arrive in the 33/40 viewing area any moment, you know. God forbid I should have to wait to hear it falling on my own roof. He does add that Boone has lost a lot of blood. "Boone? Boone! Listen! Listen! You are not gonna die. I am gonna fix this. I am going to save you," grits Jack. Boone: "Skrnnnnngh."

Commercial for... the Muppet Wizard of Oz. If you say so, man.

The beach raftyards: Claire comes waddling by, somewhere deep in her forty-third trimester. "Hey, mamacita! Want some fish?" offers Sawyer, as only Sawyer can. "I'm not really hungry," she says, turning it down. "How long do you think, until [the raft] is ready?" "A week, maybe less?" answers Mercutio. "You okay?" "Yeah... I'm fine," answers Totally Not Fine Claire, staggering off. ("She likes me," announces Sawyer to all and sundry.) Mercutio: "Jin! Want some fish? Take a break, man!" Jin waves Mercutio away and keeps working. "Man's got what I call an over-obsessive work ethic," says Sawyer, adding that he kind of doesn't blame Jin: "He finds out his lady speaks English and didn't tell him... I'm surprised he didn't try to swim outta here." Or something like that. And then Kate bursts out of the jungle shouting, "SAWYER, I NEED ALL YOUR ALCOHOL NOW!"

To Sawyer's credit, he hands it over without a peep over in Sawyerland. Unfortunately, there isn't much left--just an odd little collection of bottles. "You need anything else?" God bless--the moment a real emergency turns up, he's docile as a lamb. "Nah, too many cooks already," says Kate, hurrying off.  

Emergency Beach. Jack is sewing on Boone ew ew ew. "I'm sorry..." mumbles Boone... I think? "He needs blood," says Jack, to which Sun blurts out, "WHAT?" Hon, even I heard the part about Boone losing a lot of blood--even I can do the math here. "We'll figure it out," mutters Jack, "...after I set the leg." "Let me," says Sun, and I was totally like, "OMFG SHE'S GONNA SET HIS LEG?!," until I eventually realized that Sun was taking over the alcohol-bathing duties. "LET ME," she says more emphatically, and sends an eventually grateful Jack to go "get some air." Whereupon he immediately runs into Charlie: "How is he? Where's Locke? What do you mean you don't know where Locke is? He just took off? And Shannon? Where's Shannon?" Jack finally just blows his top and shouts, "I DON'T KNOWWWWWW!"

Flashjack. "And here she is... the future Mrs. Jack Shephard." I assume this is a rehearsal luncheon/dinner, but I don't know. A blonde steps up to the misbehaving microphone, which she quips "has been drinking," and tells the story of how she met Jack: She blew out a tire, flipped her car on the road, and was hit by an SUV (of course. SUVs: the baby-eating, grandma-kicking cars). Her back was broken and "they said it was irreparable. And then... there was Jack. And he promised that he would fix me. Because that's the kind of guy he is. Because you are the most committed man I have ever known. Because you fixed me... I will dance at our wedding. To Jack--our hero." I don't know whether to hate Perfect Captain Dr. Hero Jack or pity him--no wonder he's such a head case.

Emergency Beach. "Give him this, for the pain," says Sun, presenting Jack with... a stick. "We're beyond herbal remedies," he snaps. "IT IS NOT A REMEDY," Sun snaps right back, which cracked me up for some reason. And then she puts the stick between Boone's teeth--like, duh, Jack. "Will you hold his shoulders?" asks Jack, chastened. I start wibbling. Hurley sits outside the curtained cave in a similar fashion, listening to Boone howl as Jack manually bullies Boone's leg back into alignment.

Meanwhile, Kate races through the jungle and... falls flat on her face. She stops to check her backpack, and yes, some of the bottles are broken. She looks like she's about to cry in frustration when she hears--something. I'm over here like, "Dude, that's totally Claire crying in the jungle." So she stealthily moves through the foliage to discover... Claire crying in the jungle. I'm telling you, man. "Claire? What're you doing out here?" Claire does not answer in any intelligible way because she's too busy leaning on a tree and trying not to scream. "Oh God," says Kate, because she is teh smart: "You're having the baby." "No, I'm bloody not!" shouts Claire. "You are! You're having contractions!" Claire tries to ward her off--"Just leave me alone!"--but it becomes increasingly obvious that Claire's ninety-four trimesters are up (ding!). "HELP!" shouts Kate. "SOMEBODY HELP!"

Who's the one person who's still on the beach and within hearing distance? Why, Jin, the non-speaker of English, of course. Off he springs into the jungle, runs for several yards, and then stops. We get a 360 pan around Jin (several times, I might add) that sends me looking for the Dramamine. Finally he hears Kate shout again, and takes off in a new direction. Hilariously, he finds them but then backs up with a skidding "Whoa." Dude, it's the word that transcends all languages. "Go to the caves and get Jack," Kate instructs carefully. "Jack?" repeats Jin. "Doc-tor?" "YES," says Kate, having clearly won the English Words This Guy Knows Sweepstakes. "Don't leave me," cries Claire, having decided that she does not, in fact, want to be left alone after all. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I promise," says Kate. She turns back to Jin: "JACK. HURRY." Jin bounds off.

Emergency Cave. "Ask him again," says Jack. "He's in shock," says Sun. "THAT'S WHY YOU NEED TO ASK HIM AGAIN," grits Jack. The question being asked is, "What is your blood type, Boone?" Jack's poking himself with bamboo, which we discover is in anticipation of a homemade transfusion. He despairs of it actually working, however: "Veins are like wet noodles. You need a sharp, thin, hollow needle, and all I've got is BAMBOO." Finally Boone coughs up, "A negative. "Get Charlie! Ask everyone!" cries Jack. Good God, y'all, are they really going to try a jungle-improvised blood transfusion? "And find his sister! Find Shannon!"

Where's Shannon? With Sayid. "Are you lost?" she asks. "No, absolutely not," says Sayid. He is totally lost, y'all. They're wandering through the jungle. "Those trees look really familiar. It's this way. I think." ("Did you just say you 'think'?") Surprise! It's a torchlit fruit dinner, or something. How romantic. Here's the problem: if you're trying to show a lady friend a good time on an island where you're stuck with a few dozen other people, where do you take her? As far away from the others as you can possibly get (bom-chicka-wow-wow). Poor Shannon has no idea what's going on back at the caves at all, nor will anyone be able to find them.

Emergency Cave: "I found an A!" shouts Charlie. "And two B positives and one AB negative!" Jack is not happy with the findings--I forget why, if Charlie really did find an A, but then, my notes are hazy. Are there no other As, for the love of God, Charlie? "I ASKED THE WHOLE SODDING CAMP!" cries Charlie. "NOBODY knows their bloody blood type!" (Is it weird that I know mine, then?) Then Sun comes up with a giant nettly-looking thing--a sea urchin? I can't tell. "Hollow needles!" she says. By this time Jack has realized that his blood, O negative, might save Boone--but "it could put him into anaphylactic shock... stop his heart." So clearly, Jack is going to go ahead and do it anyway.

Flashjack: Back at the hotel where they were having the dinner whatever, Jack is noodling around on the piano. Aww. "Those girls are checking you out," announces Sarah. "You're in your PJs," retorts Jack. "Indeed I am," says Sarah. I was very confused at this point, until I realized that this was long after the dinner whatever thing, and hell, it might not even be a hotel, it might be a really large... house, or... something. I don't know. This is the kind of thing that doesn't really bother you while you're watching--it bothers you when you start trying to describe it to other people (ahem). "Are they cute?" says Jack. "Who?" asks Sarah. "The girls." "Oh. One of them's kind of cute. The other one's just trashy." Heeee. I like Sarah. Clearly, she is doomed. They start trying to play "Heart and Soul" together on the piano, until she messes up and says, "You really don't have to do this if you don't want to." "How do you know I haven't?" I AM SO CONFUSED. "Sarah, I want to. I just have to figure out the right way to say it." Ahhhh, doesn't have to write his own wedding vows. I was about to say, "You don't have to marry me if you don't want to" is kind of a crappy thing to end up saying mere hours before your wedding. Jack keeps watching the door, and she says, "Hey, he's gonna come." Clearly "he" is Jack's dad. Sarah seems really cool. Again: totally going to die. "When you're ready, I'll be upstairs," she says. "I cannot wait to marry you, Jack Shephard." On the back of her T-shirt: a big 44, for you numerologists out there.

"JACK! JACK! DOCTOR!" Jin runs into the Emergency Cave with the Backpack o' Booze and is surprised to find Sun there. Jack's all hooked up with a homemade blood-transfusy thing. Where he got the tubing from, I don't know, and frankly, I'm not sciency enough to put that much thought into it. Jin manages to stammer something about Claire, and we get an extremely dense and confusing conversation wherein both Charlie and Jack are barking questions, Sun has to translate them, Jin has to answer, and Sun has to translate that. The upshot is that Claire is "okay," as far as that goes, but her contractions are two minutes apart and she can't move. Jack is going to send Charlie back with Jin, saying, "CHARLIE, LOOK AT ME. Tell Kate to wait until they're 60 seconds apart. She's gonna need to make sure that Claire pushes, not too hard, not too fast. When the baby's head shows up, push hard. Make sure Kate clears its nose and clears its mouth." Charlie stammers something about just doing that until Jack gets there, and Jack's like, "I'm covered in tubing, fool! I'm not going anywhere! Kate's gonna have to deliver this baby!"

Commercials. Star Wars: Episode III. Eh.

Out in the jungle, Kate and Claire have built a fire. Claire's standing there and suddenly she announces, "They've stopped!" She's totally all like, "Whee! I'm fine!" And then Kate's like, "Uh, Claire? I think your water just broke." Poor Claire: "No! No no no no no no no! I can't have the baby now!" "Claire? Jack's coming," says Kate firmly. "He's coming."

Cut to: Jack, not coming. (Shut up, pervs.) He's pacing over by Boone, back and forth, tubing still in his arm. Boone manages to mutter, "I screwed myself up pretty bad, huh?" And I have no idea what he said after this. I mean, I have an idea. It was something along the lines of "Something hurts. It fell on me. A plane... it fell... something... mumble mumble... plane." "Boone, Locke said you fell from a cliff," says Jack, although I don't think he ever bought that story. Boone mumbles something about "Locke" and "hatch" and "John" and "said not to tell." "WHAT DID LOCKE DO?" demands Jack. Ohhhhh no. "BOONE? BOONE?"

The Sayidistan Riviera, where there is much torchlit making out. "I need to tell you something," says Shannon. Oh dear. "All right," says Sayid. "My brother, Boone... he's not really my brother." I would pay her a thousand dollars just to hear her finish that thought as, "He's... my brotherlover." "He's... my stepbrother. Our parents got married when we were, like, eight. And he's kind of... in love with me." "In love with you?" repeats Sayid. Y'all know Sayid, and how calm he is. He just sounds vaguely befuzzled over all this. "And how do you feel towards him?" It's an almost scientific interest, really. "I'll always feel something for him... " says Shannon. Too... many... jokes... ack! "But am I in love with him in that way? No. Not at all. We're here for God knows how long. And so is Boone." I'm not sure how Sayid is supposed to link these two thoughts, unless she's trying to say that, despite her non-love for Boone, his presence could make a new relationship awkward. Oh, and P.S. they totally did the pseudosibling nasty. "Maybe we should go back," says Sayid. Shannon insists that she doesn't want to go back: "I just... need to take it a little slow. Are you okay with that?" "I had no expectations," says Sayid. Shannon looks around at the torches and the food and the blanket and says, "Right." Hee! "Hopes, not expectations," says Sayid, smiling.

Cut to Claire gasping and moaning in the jungle maternity ward, also known as "some tree." The girls are happy to see Charlie and Jin. They are not so happy at the not-seeing of Captain Dr. Hero Jack. "WHERE'S JACK?" demands Kate. "He's pouring his own blood into Boone's arm right now!" hisses Charlie, out of Claire's earshot. "Jack said you have to deliver the baby." Kate: "What? NO." Charlie is explaining all this rationally to her until she's finally just like, "You're not listening to me. I CAN'T DO IT." "SOMEBODY BLOODY HAS TO," snaps Charlie. Meanwhile, Jin is smiling and speaking kindly to Claire. Granted, she can't understand a damn word he's saying, but it's the thought that counts. "I was with them for a week," says Claire, as if this has anything to do with what Jin was saying. "What if they did something to the baby? I'm not ready for this! I'm so scared! I'm scared!" Kate: "I'm scared, too. But we're gonna get through this together." Charlie watches anxiously.

(I know there's a lot of Kate hateration out there, but I can't help but feel for her. I have a feeling that I would totally be the one sucked into this kind of situation--you have no idea what you're doing or how to do it, but you're the only one available, so you just have to say, "I don't know how we're going to do this, only that we are, in fact, going to do it. Hold on tight.")

Emergency Beach. The tubing is still hanging out of Jack's arm, but Sun is telling him that it's not working--that is, Boone's not showing any signs of improvement. Jack looks baaaad. "The blood's not the problem, it's the leg," says Jack. "Blood is pooling in the leg. He didn't get this injury from a fall--something crushed the leg." "You've given enough," says Sun. I think she (or he) takes the tubing out--someone must have, because he's roaming around the caves now, blinking and white as a sheet. "Whoa, dude, you okay?" asks Hurley. "You're looking kinda goth." "Go get Michael," says Jack.

And now Bloodless Jack's drinking from a bottle of vodka--excellent, excellent. And then I realized that this was in the Flashjack, and that Jack is by the pool (at the hotel or the house or the whatever). Here comes Jack's dad! I am shocked, I tell you. They banter about the pool water and the screaming kid in first class and Jack's dad takes a swig from the bottle. Mmm, tastes like burning. "What you got there?" "Sarah wants us to write our own vows," says Jack, and his dad leans over his shoulder and reads stuff about hearts skipping beats, etc., etc., off a piece of paper, and I thought they sounded ludicrously sappy (some writer on the show: "HEY! THOSE WERE MY WEDDING VOWS!"), but okay. "Sounds nice," says Jack's dad, but he totally sounds like he doesn't mean it. "Those aren't my vows," says Jack. "They're hers." Well, thank God. "Can't write mine." "Well! You're a doctor, son, not a writer!" says Jack's dad. I really want him to throw a "DAMMIT, JIM" in there and totally just get all Bones with it. "Sarah is a beautiful girl," skeeves Jack's dad. "Hell yeah she is," says Jack. Okay then, Captain Emphasis! "You love her?" Jack looks at him like, Asshole. "Absolutely." "Then why are you sitting out here?" asks Jack's dad. Dammit, Jack's dad! Every time you show up, you start asking people things and then bad things happen! "What if I can't be the husband or the father that I wanna be? What if I asked her because I saved her life? Should I marry her, dad?" Doubt works in Jack's eyes. I have to say, if you're a doctor, and your job is saving people, "I saved her life" is a pretty shitty reason to 1) ask someone out, 2) date her for a long period of time, and then 3) propose to her. SACK UP AND STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF, JACK! Jack's dad: "Commitment is what makes you tick, Jack. The problem is, you're just not good at letting go." *facepalm*

I'm not sure what's going on back at the Emergency Cave, but it seems like Jack and Mercutio have rigged up the cargo hold's door as a choppy-choppy thing. Jack has decided "the leg? Is dead," and that it's got to go. Of course, Jack's got about a pint of blood left in him, so I'm not terribly confident in his judgment at this moment. I mean... so you cut off the leg with the cargo door. I mean, that's a clean slice right there, only not, and then there's all kinds of blood loss issues and... yeah. This is just bad all around.

Back at the One Tree Maternity Ward: "Claire? I think this is the time we need to start pushing, so... PUSH." Claire decides to hold her breath instead. "Claire? Claire! What are you doing? You can't stop this! Your baby is coming!" "It knows I don't want it!" cries Claire. "It knows that I was going to give it away!" Yes, but that doesn't mean you can just stuff it back in, Claire! "Do you want this baby now, Claire?" says Kate, desperately trying to reason with her. "Do you want your baby to be healthy and safe? [Claire nods tearfully.] The baby knows that! We are all here for you! This baby needs all of us! But I! need! you! ... to push." Kate is just about on the verge of tears here. "One, two, three, push! PUSH!" Much shrieking from Claire. Back over at the fire, Charlie gets up--but Jin grabs him calmly, pulls him back down, and just shakes his head. Heeeeeeeeee. I don't know where Jin gets his sang-froid from, but he's so been-there-done-that with the improvised jungle baby-birthing. Love it.

Back at the Emergency Cave, Sun is trying to flag Jack down with a bloody cloth--I'm not sure where it came from; maybe she was wiping Boone's mouth? The point is, Boone's clearly bleeding internally, and the leg alone is the least of their problems. And yet Jack and Mercutio are still trying to heave him on a makeshift stretcher to the choppy-choppy thing. "You're not helping him! You can't save him!" cries Sun. "DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!" shouts Jack. Oh, Jesus.

Jack's over by the choppy-choppy thing splashing Boone down with alcohol and making with the belt tourniquet. I haven't mentioned Ian Somerhalder himself much this episode, but his gig has basically been to lie there and moan and roll his eyes around. So... every time I say "Boone," just imagine a tiny little blood-crusted "Nnnnngrrrrh" floating up from the bottom of the screen, and you've just about got it. "You don't need to see this," Jack tells Mercutio. Mercutio ends up agreeing: "You need me... just shout." Oh God, y'all, I can't watch this. Sun and Jack look at each other. She turns away. He grimaces. Seriously, y'all, I can't watch this.

"In sickness, and in health, in good times and in bad, in anvilicious flashbacks and obvious foreshadowing... I risk it all, because I love you." Polite applause for Sarah's vows. The presiding minister, who looks Hawaiian, adds, "Jack has also prepared his vows. Jack if you would please." He also sounds like he's speaking English phonetically. (What? I'm just the reporter here.) Jack says nothing. "Jack...?" Deep breath from Jack: "I didn't write any vows (because I am leaving you at the altar). I've been trying to for a month, but I couldn't (possibly get married to you)... so I started to wonder why (I even showed up today) that was. It's because (I'm going to throw up if we go through with this) I'm not good at (getting married) letting go." Cut to: Jack's dad, in the audience. THANKS A LOT, JACK'S DAD. ANOTHER FINE MESS YOU'VE MADE. "I'm afraid of what I might fail at. I never would have been able to write what you just said. You got it all wrong--I didn't fix you." We stand there and watch Jack and Sarah stare at each other. Now he's crying. "You fixed me. I love you, Sarah. And I always will." They kiss. Awwww!

Wait, is that considered a legal ceremony?

Anyway, much like the paralysis accident that never came last week, they kept us hanging the whole show show, and Sarah still came out of it not-jilted and not-dead.

(So... wait. Sawyer's got an STD and Jack is [or was?] married. I think Kate's playing field just got a lot smaller...)

Back to Dr. Jack and the choppy-choppy. He's getting ready to slam the door down on Boone's leg and we hear this weak little Waaaaait from the bottom of the screen. OMFG BOONE. I can't really understand what he's saying, because he's definitely struggling, but Jack's basically saying, "This is our best chance, and I'm not gonna let you give up." Boone: "I know [mumble mumble]. I promise. I'm letting you off the hook." Jack stares at him. "Let me go, Jack." Jack sweats and breathes hard. Again: he looks baaaaaad. "I'm sorry," he says. "Don't be," says Boone.

Out in the jungle ward, Claire is screaming. I couldn't really tell you if this is one of the most realistic birthing scenes out there, but it's definitely not trying to whitewash the screaming. She's got a towel draped over her knees and lap and Kate's kind of peeking under there now and then, so as not to give the camera too much of a floor show. "It's close!" she's saying. Charlie looks slightly unhinged listening to this by the fire. "I can see the top of its head! You're almost there! You're so close! PUSH PUSH PUSH PUSH PUSH!" A big smile breaks across Kate's face, and Claire just about falls over with the gasping and the crying. "You have a little boy!" By God, she does. CLEAR ITS NOSE AND MOUTH, KATE! Charlie stands there, just astounded by the miracle of life, while Claire holds the baby and cries ("I have a son?"). Jin is remarkably calm, if happy, and holds his hand out to Charlie for a congratulatory shake, at which point I wondered if Jin thought that Charlie was the father. Charlie just jumps on him and bearhugs him, which is sweet.

Not-So-Much-an-Emergency Cave. Jack lays Boone back down--I guess he carried him back from the choppy-choppy thing? Boone's breathing hoarsely; sweat rolls off Jack's nose like a tear. Boone says, "Tell Shannon... Tell Shannon... tell..." and then he's totally dead. An ex-Boone. Gone to run the business invisible. Jack closes Boone's eyes, and off Boone goes to the big wedding outlet in the sky. Respect.

Morning on the beach. Claire looks remarkably good for a woman who 1) just gave birth and 2) just hiked back to camp. She's holding Baby de Claire and all the castaways, including the ones we've never seen before, gather around to ooh and aah in the bright sun. Kate's beaming, as well she should be, but the violins are sad. Walt's happy to see the baby, Mercutio just plain likes babies, Charlie's happy, even Sawyer looks impressed, and Hurley--well, Hurley taps Jack on the back and ohhhhhh no. Here come Shannon and Sayid, laughing, arms around each other, back from their romantic night of... getting to second base, I guess. Jack trudges off to tell Shannon what happened. Kate watches him go. He's got that bad news face on--he reaches them and Sayid looks over at Shannon, because he knows that face. Ever since Claire hit the beach we've heard only music, no dialogue, so we don't hear what Jack tells Shannon; we only see Sayid looking back and forth at Shannon and Jack, and Jack saying something, interspersed with the tiniest baby I think I've ever seen on TV, sucking its thumb with its nearly transparent little hands on its face, and Claire is so proud.

The Death Cave. Boone's body is still laid out, and Shannon just stands there, clearly in shock, her face getting puffy, and then she just breaks down, sobbing over him, alone in the cave.

The beach. Again: Jack looks bad. Here's... feet. Let me guess: Kate? Yes, Kate. Kate looks quite satisfied with herself still. "It's a beautiful healthy baby," Jack tells her. I think he almost sounds jealous--like she's a rival doctor or something. "Wanna talk about it?" says Kate. "Talk about what?" says Jack. Kate: "Boone died, Jack." YES, KATE, I THINK HE NOTICED THAT. "He didn't die," says Jack. "He was murdered." Kate, along with the rest of the world, goes, "WHAT? Jack? Where are you going?" "TO FIND JOHN LOCKE," says Jack. And the Trumpets of Doom see us out.

Coming soon on Lost: Carmina Fauxrana! Boone's funeral! Charlie crosses himself! Jack may try to kick Locke's ass! Sayid may shoot Locke! It's all very exciting, except for the fact that nothing we see in the previews ever actually happens. So, you know. There's that.

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