"T'won't do no good," says I, a-snorflin' back another length of slime from the depths of me lights. "Food an' drink hold no charm for me now, mate."
The good cap'n stared at me with a new gleam in his deadlights. "Do ye drink and never quench yer thirst? Do ye taste no morsel? Do ye feeeeel no warmth?"
"Aye, or close enough to it as to feel well nigh scuppered and scuttled," says I.
"Then ye've fallen under the curse as well! The curse of the Aztec gold!" says he.
"The what?" says I.
ARRR! IT BE A MUTINY IN THE FAR EAST!
Avast, the wee lass pillaged from her mother's arms at the point of a knife be found.
Seize yer pirate name here! Me new pirate name be Voodoo Prudence, or, as me friends Sealegs Ethel and Deadeye Peg reckon, Voodoo Prue.
Animatronic Elmo TMX be unveiled. Arrr, the TMX be meanin' "Tickle Me Extreme." I says we kill it wi' fire, says I.
None o' this would happen if they'd farm seabiscuit and grog like the rest of us.
Some luckless dog lost his yardarm, went and plundered a new one, and now's lost that one, too. Or, as the lubbers marked it, "First penis transplant reversed after two weeks." Arrrrrrrrrrrr. That be... that be unfortunate.
Johnny Depp be not in I Am Legend.
But he be on the Dead Man's Chest DVD this December. (A pox on lazy journalists who be not includin' the release date in the first link!)
ARRRRR! Captain Brad be boardin' Wee Wild-Eyed Tommy's ship an' claimin' it for his own!
An' to finish, one final howler for ye:
"Hey," says the barkeep, he says, "we don't serve sheep here!" The Boston pirate shrugs. "He said wanted to go to the baaaaaaa."