Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones

Lost 3:3, "Further Instructions"

Sorry, guys--it took a while, what with the internet being down and me having a (related?) headache. One viewing, longhand notes--and this time, I actually took a break to watch The Nine afterwards, so... I'm not necessarily going for accuracy, is what I'm saying.

PREVIOUSLY ON LOST! Locke had weird hangups about destiny, including but not limited to relentless blind faith in button-pushing until one day he had a nervous breakdown about his place in the universe, and also, the hatch went boom. Desmond realized that he's basically the reason the plane crashed. Eko just kind of up and decided to be a priest, and if you have a problem with that, you can talk to his Jesus Stick. Also, Charlie kind of bled from the ear and didn't make a lot of sense.

Ojo de Creepy, Former Republic of Hatchnya. Which is a very cryptic way of saying, "Locke wakes up in the jungle with blood running down his face and no idea how he got there." Well, I mean he has an idea, I suppose. He's just not sure why Desmond is running around naked in the foliage. I, for one, need no reasons. There's a moment when you wonder if maybe Locke is paralyzed again, but no, he gets up--and then the Jesus Stick falls out of a tree and nearly whacks him downside the head.

New Jungleton. Locke comes limping in and goes straight to his shelter and starts--dismantling it? Claire and Charlie, watching, are perplexed. Particularly Claire, who's all like, "What's he doing? Why's he taking his roof down? Where's he going with it? Shouldn't you go find out, Charlie? Don't you care? Is your brain still leaking out your ear? WHY AREN'T YOU FINDING OUT??!" So Charlie follows Locke to Eko's half-built church framework, where Locke manages to convey that he can't speak. Can't? Won't? Needs a drink of water? I don't know. Charlie asks where the others (the others, not the Others) are: "Are they off being mute and building structures as well?" Locke begins flinging around handfuls of sand and pointing at trees in a desperate attempt to convey that he needs to--talk? "To the sand? You need to talk to--to the trees? I hear they're wonderful conversationalists." Well, you should know, Brandybuck. Finally Charlie understands: "You need to speak to... the island." O. Kay.

After a commercial, we're back in New Jungleton when Locke approaches Charlie with a pad and pen: "I NEED YOUR HELP." Wait, isn't this where we came in? "I NEED U 2 STAND GUARD." What, the New Power Generation's busy? "Are you aware that I detest you?" asks Charlie. You know, what with the whole accusing of the heroin-taking and the punching and what all. Replies Locke, "@ the sweat lodge." Charlie: "What the sodding hell are you talking about?"

Cut to a truck on a dusty road. The blues are playing, which means that this must be a Locke flashback. I mean, his woman left him because he can't get over how his daddy stole his kidney. It was either this or country. Hey! There's Ian Somerhalder in the credits! Anyway, Locke picks up a hitchhiker who looks extremely familiar--I looked him up on the IMDB, and maybe I'm thinking of how badly I wanted to slap that kid in War of the Worlds. I mean, not the actor's fault. I just seriously wanted that kid to get toasted if he was going to be that stupid about the whole thing. And if you stop the movie soon enough, you can pretend he was! Wow, my head hurts. Anyway, Hitchhiker Eddie says he's headed for Eureka to look for work; his mom's dead and his dad's a drunk. And then there's a police siren behind them, and Hitchhiker Eddie says, "What, did you rob a bank?" " 'Fraid so," says Locke. Heh. The cop who actually stops them is just dying to find a reason to haul them in, but Locke's got all the paperwork for the FIFTY THOUSAND GUNS IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK. Wow. How about for picking up a hitchhiker (that's illegal? Wow, I just thought it was potentially stupid)? "He's my uncle," Hitchhiker Eddie says helpfully. "Get outta here," the cop growls. Foiled again, coppah!

Sweat Lodge, St. Eko's. "I like the indoor fireplace," says Charlie. Locke is making himself a little wigwam inside the church framework, and... oh dear, is he mixing up some more fruit goop? "Are you on drugs, Locke?" asks Charlie in something between alarm and indignation. "Because I know the zero-tolerance policy you have--I'd hate for you to have to punch yourself in the face." Ah, it's nice to have Snarky Charlie back instead of Batshit Charlie. Locke points to his "STAND GUARD" note again: "I know, I know, I have to stay out here in case you devolve into a monkey or something." Locke's pad: "DON'T COME IN." Seriously, Locke, I know he's a hobbit but I don't think there's room in there for the both of you. Charlie's all like, whatever you say, Creepy O'Shaman.

So Locke goes in with his shirt off and ladles some water over his head and gets the fire going and HI BOONE. Boone is a lot less Thug Life in the afterlife. Also, his hair's grown out some and he's kind of starting to look like Billy Zane. Maybe this afterlife thing is overrated, y'all. Locke, getting somewhat emotional, seeing as how he sort of got Boone killed and all, starts trying to mouth that he's sorry: "Oh, you're sorry. I understand. I was the sacrifice that the island demanded. Don't worry, you'll be able to speak when you have something worth saying." Wow, can After Life Boone get his bitch on. In fact, I was so busy OHHHHHHHing (out loud. Yes, I talk to the TV. Like you don't do it too) that I kind of missed what he mocked next, but it was something along the lines of Locke needing to "bring the family together." And then suddenly Locke's wheelchair is back ("John, you're going to need that") and Locke's in it and they're at the Sydney airport and After Life Boone's wheeling Shirtless Locke around: "Someone in this airport is in serious danger." Aww, there's Claire and Charlie cooing over the baby. "Not them." Jin and Sun seem to be--talking? arguing?--when Sayid intervenes or joins or something. Boone: "Not them. I think Sayid's got it." I found this really funny for some reason; I don't know. Hurley's an airport employee punching in The Numbers ("Next, please"). "It's not Hurley." Pilot Desmond goes by, on the mack with three stewardesses: "Forget it, he's helping himself." Which I find odd, because this is the one tableau that doesn't match what's going on in real time in any way whatsoever. I mean, at the beginning of the episode, there's Charlie and Claire with the baby; the Jin and Sun and Sayid dynamic was in the previous episode; the Hurley bit's a little generic, but he's into The Numbers, so okay. But at what point has poor Desmond "helped himself" to anyone or anything? Maybe he's going to start a harem in New Jungleton. I could get behind that.

And there's Jack (taking off his watch), Kate and Sawyer (smiling and talking, although I don't know what's going on with the photograph here), and there's BENRY OH NO security-swiping them and waving them through. "There's nothing you can do for them," says Boone. "Not yet." Interesting. "First, you have to clean up your own mess." And then there's a weird sequence where Boone is suddenly standing at the top of the escalator saying, "Come up here, John," and since Locke is paralyzed again in the dream-vision he kind of has to slither up the escalator and seriously, all we need is a midget and Dead Shannon covered in plastic. It's that weird. And then Boone drops the bloody Jesus Stick on Locke's head and AUGH BLOODY BOONE THERESA GOES UP THE ESCALATOR THERESA GOES DOWN THE ESCALATOR. "Clean it up, John. They've got him. You don't have much time." And then Locke wakes up and freaks out and dives out of his sweatwam and pulls out a knife and announces to Charlie that he's "going to save Mr. Eko's life." Poor Charlie is all like, "OKAY!"

Wow, Ian Somerhalder is pretty. I've changed my mind about this whole afterlife thing.

Out in the jungle, Creepy McGreatwhitehunter finds Eko's cross and announces that "he was dragged this way by the polar bear." "Sawyer killed the polar bear!" interjects Charlie. "Sawyer killed A polar bear," Locke points out. For which he is now paying the price and eating the fishbiscuit, I might add. Karmically speaking, of course. Locke tries to get Charlie to go back to Claire and New Jungleton Where Polar Bears Don't Eat You, but Charlie insists on coming with, because... the plot needs him to. But it's still a really, really bad idea. To wit: "Bad things happen to people who hang around with me," says Locke darkly. So... Locke gets people killed, punches them in the face for things they didn't do, and has a weird fanatical streak, so... let's tag along, by all means. Well, Ebert calls it the Idiot Plot; we'll call it the Charlie Plot.

Locke flashback: Locke's leading Hitchhiker Eddie into a friendly orchard full of friendly people who have, yes indeed, a sweatwam, in which one meditates on whether one is a farmer or a hunter. Here's lunch, or dinner, or tiffin, or something, at a giantlong picnic table headed up by Jan and Mike, who compliments Hitchhiker Eddie on his Geronimo Jackson t-shirt. "It was my dad's," says Eddie. "Well, your dad has excellent taste," says Mike. Well, his dad is also a drunk, so I don't know what that says about that. (Or is he? More on that later.) By the way, WHERE THE HELL ARE WE? Jan asks Locke to say grace, and Locke says a rambling grace about being thankful for a recent rain so that Some Other Guy Down the Table can quit bitching about it, and he's thankful that the orcharders have taken him in and helped him stop being so angry and given him a family. Locke sits back down and Hitchhiker Eddie says, very seriously, "Thank you. Thank you." And it was at that moment that I knew that kid was going to be trouble. I mean, I pretty much knew when he said "... and my dad was a drunk" and there was a weird silence after that, but there's just a seriously weird, inscrutable look on his face when he says "Thank you," twice.

Giant Crater, Former Republic of Hatchnya. Yeah. Hatch ain't no more. There's a giant crater where the hatch, and the shower, and the washing machine, and the electricity used to be. Thanks for pushing that button, assholes. Locke and Charlie then stumble upon a... boar? I guess it's a boar. Well, it's been all slashed up--or, as Locke calls it, "An active kill." You know, as opposed to those passive kills where the boars just happen to fall on the bear's claws when he's not even looking. "Why, Bongo, come look at this! How terribly unexpected!" And then the polar bear himself shows up and Locke and Charlie have to make a run for it, through what I tend to affectionately call "jungle corn." And finally they're cornered, so Locke whips his knife into... Hurley's canteen. "DUDE," says Hurley, who was about to take a drink.

So Hurley tells them what happened to Jack and Kate and Sawyer and how the Others kept them and sent him back and how Henry was, in fact, the Others' leader the whole time. "So what do we do now?" asks Hurley. "Go back and tell the others, like they told you to," says Locke, who now gets to be Captain Hero Island Leader ALL BY HIMSELF. And he's already tied up with this Eko thing. Adds Charlie, "Apparently a bear's just made an 'active kill.' You may wanna hustle." And off they go. Hurley: "What... what bear?"

Locke finds a cotton ball in the foliage; clearly the omgwtfcottonbear has gone this way. You know, I snark, but really? If I were a polar bear on a frickin' tropical island, I'd be shedding like all hell too. "When I used to get high and watch nature programs on the Beeb," a spooked Charlie pipes up, and really, there's no way the end of that sentence can live up to the awesomeness of its beginning, but we'll soldier on anyway, "they said that polar bears were very clever. Like... the Einsteins of bear country." (See also: happy fun activity cages.) So what he's saying is, going into this here vine-shrouded cave might not be the best idea.

Back in orchard country, Hitchhiker Eddie is ribbing Locke about some girl he claims likes Locke, and Locke's all like, "Shpffff, I'm old enough to be her dad," and Eddie's all like, "She's looking for a daddy, like everyone else here," which I find to be sort of a puzzling assertion, because really, it applies only to, like, her and Locke. The rest of them are looking for food, shelter and... well, you'll see. "That's not funny," snaps Locke. "How come you never talk about yours?" asks Eddie. Uh, your dad's a drunk, Eddie. Even if that's just your cover story, I'd think you'd understand why people might not want to talk about things. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Eddie segues somehow into the orchard greenhouse, and how all those bags of fertilizer go in, but no one will ever let him see what's actually growing in there. In fact, Eddie's pretty sure nothing's growing in there: "The guns, the fertilizer, the praying--I know, and I want in. On whatever you guys are trying to blow up." And Locke nearly chokes on the peach he's trying to eat--from laughing. And then he says, "I'll talk to Mark and Jan." And at this point? I totally believed that Locke had gotten himself sucked into some terrorist cult, and was completely horrified.

Bear Cave, Outskirts of Hatchnya. "You really think Eko's in there?" says Charlie, peering into the darkness. "You're not going in there," declares Locke. "You don't get to tell me what to do!" snaps Charlie. "Why do you want to go in there?" "I don't need a reason!" This is what I'm saying about the Charlie Plot and the not making sense. What, "Eko was my friend too and you're going to get yourself eaten if you go in by yourself" wasn't a good enough retort? "I'm going because I'm supposed to be going," says Locke. Yeah, Locke's back on his destiny fixation train. He starts mudding himself up (to cover his scent) and lights a torch--and pulls out a can of hairspray as backup. "John," says Charlie, looking at Locke's head, "I hate to be the one to point this out, but..." "It's not for me," says Locke, and they both laugh. Awwww. Into the darkness he goes.

In the middle of the deep suffering that the Santa Clause 3 commercial is causing me, I realize that Elizabeth Mitchell has been playing Mrs. Clause all this time. Oh, Muffin.

Back in the jungle, Hurley's nervously picking his way through the foliage, trying not to become a hurleybiscuit. He hears some rustling and calls out, "Bear...? Is that you?" Awesome. And then he hears, "Are you alone, brother?" Ah, he's wandered into wilds of Bangladesmond. (What? You try coming up with a country name involving "des" or "mond." It's not easy! Shut up!) Hurley turns around and--"AUGH!" "Can you give me some clothes? I woke up in the jungle like this." "So the hatch... blew off your underwear," says Hurley, somewhat incredulously. Well, yes. So he roots around in his backpack, and... "Are you okay with tie dye?"

Bear Cave. Locke turns over the polar bear's... battered toy dump truck. Hey, man, Bongo gets bored sometimes, okay?

Flashback. Locke wants to talk to Mark and Jan who, coincidentally, have been looking for him. Mostly to scream at him while they pack up everything they own, including... a greenhouse full of marijuana. Ohhhhhh. "You screwed up, John! Your friend's a COP. Fresh out of the academy!" Locke looks over at their laptop: so he is, so he is. "He was hitchhiking!" protests Locke. "He chose you," Mark and/or Jan snap. At least, I think that's brought up here. My notes get a little fuzzy at this point. Summary: they're fleeing and they're pissed and it's all Locke's fault. "It's not too late to fix this!" cries Locke. Ohhhhhh no.

Bear Cave. Locke finds a pile of animal bones and a human skeleton in something kind of--jumpsuit?--marked with a Dharma logo, and oh, hey Eko. And then something grabs Eko by the feet and starts jerking him further into the cave and Locke has to try to pull Eko back and use his can of hairspray as a flame thrower and Scare Bear roars and gallops deeper into the cave. I think this section of my notes ends with "What the hell." I mean, on paper it sounds simple enough, but there was something kind of AHHHH about the way it was filmed. I don't know. Anyway, now Locke and Charlie are going to have to drag a mostly unconscious Eko back to camp.

Back in the jungle, Hurley and Desmond are (also) trudging back to New Jungleton. Desmond's telling him about the failsafe key, which Hurley thinks is a little "convenient," that Desmond had a way to stop everything the whole time, although Desmond points out that he didn't know what would happen if he used the key. You know, like THE ENTIRE HATCH BLOWING UP. I don't really think that's an acceptable alternative to pushing a button and having a bunker full of necessities, so shut it, Hugo. Well, actually, notes Desmond, it's more like the hatch imploded. "You didn't implode," says Hurley. "Are... are you going to turn into the Hulk or something?" Again, my notes are fuzzy after that, but apparently Hurley is fretting about Jack and Kate and Sawyer, and Desmond says comfortingly, "Locke said in his speech that he was--" "His speech?" Desmond looks confused, and then a little disoriented. "Oh... right." Oh shit, y'all! Desmond can (selectively) see the future!

(Which leads me to wonder if this is an implosion-related thing or something Desmond could do all along. I mean, that encounter with Jack at the stadium, "See you in another life"... although the Hulk comment does kind of suggest that this is an event-derived talent. Who knows?)

Elsewhere in the jungle, Locke chuckles, "I burned that bear pretty good." You know, Sawyer killed its mate, Locke. All it wanted to do was play with its dumptruck and eat some Eko. It doesn't even have its fun activity cage or its biscuits anymore. I'm just saying, you could be less smug about it. "So what did you see in the spirit tent?" It's a sweatwam, Charlie. "Boone," says Locke, just like that. "Well, what did Boone have to say for himself?" "He said, I needed to clean up my own mess," says Locke. "Oh, you mean because if you'd kept pushing the button none of this would have--" "That's what cleaning up your own mess means, yes," says Locke, somewhat crankily. Hee.

Flashback. Just outside the orchard, Locke is taking Hitchhiker Eddie hunting. This cannot end well. "What'd Mark and Jan say?" asks Eddie, somewhat cagily. "Oh, they said to bring you by the greenhouse after supper," says Locke, and then he indicates that their quarry, whatever it is (deer?) is nearby. Except that when Eddie doesn't see anything and he turns back around, Locke's pointing his rifle at him. "Did you know it would be me in the truck?" asks Locke. "Did they choose me?" "They?" asks Eddie, faux-blankly. Locke basically says, look, we know you're a cop. Also, "I didn't load that one." So Eddie totally gives it up. "Yeah. They chose you." "Why?!" "You hadn't been here long. You had no criminal record, and your psychological profile indicated you'd be amenable for coercion." EDDIE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! YOU DUMBASS! Can't you tell him this in some way that doesn't make Locke think y'all think he's a pushover and a simp? "You weren't very deep into the group, didn't have a previous record, and seemed like a decent guy, so we thought we could get you to do the right thing. You know, since we thought you were going to BLOW SHIT UP"? "It's not personal," adds Eddie. What are they teaching these kids in the academy these days? "You're not gonna shoot me," Eddie says. "You're a good man. A farmer." Yeah, okay, the appeal to Locke's decency needed to come before the bit about "coercion," EDDIE. Awww, there are tears in Locke's eyes. "No I'm not," he says. "I'm a hunter." "I'm going to walk away now, John," says Eddie, carefully inching away from him. Since this is such a mirror image of the Sun and Bitchiet scene last week, I sat there waiting in horror for Locke to actually kill someone. But he doesn't. Which is actually a much smarter reason to recall the scene with Sun--contrast: here's a Korean housewife who can manage to assert herself in a pinch, and here's a sad, lonely "hunter" who can't. Not to mention the fact that Sun's scene basically involves self-defense, whereas Locke's scene would have been cold-blooded murder. Anyway.

Babbling brook, Ekoslovakia. Locke and Charlie stop for a rest and to give Eko some water, and oh, by the way, Eko looks totally dead. Yeah. Maybe you should have checked on him before now, guys. Charlie goes off to refill their water bottles, so Locke takes this opportunity to monologue guiltily at the unconscious Eko: "I'm sorry. Sorry I doubted you. Gave up faith in the island. I messed up. Our people are captured... if I'd just let you keep pushing the button, this wouldn't have happened. I could have saved them."

"You can still protect them," says Eko, opening his eyes. "You can still save them. You will find them. After all, you are a hunter, John." AHHHHHHHH. And then he goes back to sleep. Or did he even speak at all? Charlie comes back and gives him some water, but Eko seems just as unconscious as before.

Laundromat by the Sea, Clairwaii. "John! Charlie!" shouts Claire, putting down her basket. Other Lostaways come over to help or gawk or both. Some Blonde says, "We need Jack." I think this is Nikki (Kiele Sanchez), one of our new castmembers. Rodrigo Santoro, the Brad Pitt of Brazil, is next to her. Hilariously, we're just going to pretend that both of these characters have been here all along. Which, I mean, I understand the concept of pulling extras out of the background and upgrading them to speaking parts, except that's totally not what they're doing--they've brought in two completely new, disproportionately attractive actors. You know, like Rodrigo Santoro is going to go unnoticed on that island. I mean, not that I'm complaining; I'd rather have Santoro than Random Bellyshirt Girl from last season. I'm just saying it's hilarious.

Anyway. Hurley and Locke break the bad news: the Others caught Jack and Kate and Sawyer. "When were you planning on telling us?" someone snaps--this may be Santoro. And Locke speechifies, semi-stirringly, that they're going to go rescue Jack and Kate and Sawyer. And Hurley gets this hazy look on his face, like "Waaaaait." He looks over at Desmond, who's standing on the shore, in what amounts to a tie-dye t-shirt dress, skipping stones over the water. And Hurley keeps kind of looking back and forth between Desmond and Locke, not sure if it's time to be severely weirded out yet, and then Charlie comes over and muses, "Not a bad speech," and Hurley knows it's time to be severely weirded out. "Whoa," he dudes. "I... I just had some... déjà vu." Meanwhile, we're having some désmondwithnopàntson vu--and some actual déjà vu, because there was just a commercial for a new Denzel Washington movie called (wait for it) Déjà Vu. Most. Esoteric. Cross-promotion. Ever.

Question: as kauricat in the Lost discussion comments noted, why isn't anyone else reacting to Desmond? You know, the Scottish guy with no pants on, skipping stones on the shore? I'd say Hurley was imagining him entirely and Desmond was, in fact, imploded to bits, except that I can't tell if we're meant to think that Locke saw him too. I mean, I suppose he could be running around naked in the background and Locke didn't actually "see" him, but if someone's hallucinating something, doesn't the hallucinator (Hurley) actually have to be present for the hallucination (Desmond) to occur? And Hurley wasn't there yet. So I don't know.

We fade out on a closeup of Desmond, looking somewhat troubled as he skips his stones.

Next week: Benry walks out to the zoo and throws Sawyer a beating, all the while screaming to Kate, over and over, "DO YOU LOVE HIM?!" Wow, I guess Benry got really tired of waiting for his ship to sail. Then there's needles and Sawyer restrained on a table and more screaming. Also, Jack looks concerned, but I can't tell which part of all this, specifically, that he has a problem with. Really, there are so many things for him to be put out about in this situation.

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