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Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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Kind of hating people since 2005
galadriel mist

Horoscope of Eerie Aptness: If you're feeling a little moody and slow right now, don't fight it. You don't have to try to figure out why you're going through this phase. Just for today, let yourself feel what you're feeling, and try not to judge yourself too harshly. There is no such thing as a bad emotion -- all emotions are natural, and if you get too hung up on labeling feelings as bad or good, you run the risk of pushing yourself with unreasonable expectations.

I have hit a wall, regarding NaNo. It's this feeling I get sometimes, a feeling I hate--you know how they say, "When you're bored, you're boring"? I feel boring. Nothing seems interesting to me, I don't want to do anything, I can't think straight, and I'm not even sure I care. I end up playing a lot of solitaire. It feels like being wrapped in cotton batting--a not-unpleasant stifling sensation. I don't know if it's a hormonal thing or a medication thing (probably not, if I've felt it before) or a depression thing or what, but the reason I'm so obsessed with trying to pinpoint causes is so that I can then say, "Well, do this about it." I am thisclose to falling off the wagon and trekking down into the basement rec room and getting a Mountain Dew. I kind of understand why some writers turn to drugs--anything to get a kickstart, to shake off this existential jetlag.

On a whim, I picked up my previous diary and started reading through it. It's a glossy blank book, pretty slim, and the covers have that red medieval unicorn tapestry. Being so thin and small, and because I wrote pretty regularly, it covers a relatively short period of time--September 2005 to February 2006. (By contrast, my Jane Eyre diary is larger and thicker, and I've gone entire months at a time without writing anything.) I opened it, somehow, to almost exactly a year ago--November 25 or so. I read forward a few days, into December, and came to this:

Narnia was awesome.
I kind of hate people right now.

A few days after that, an entry written just after my birthday:

All I want for Christmas is for [person] to fall in a hole and die. [...] This is a terrible way to begin twenty-seven.

A few days after that:

Fall. In. A. Hole.

For some reason, there was a lot of drama, family and otherwise, going on at the time. In fact, it's kind of funny, because looking back at that diary, you can see all the omens that 2006 was going to suuuuuck. Which is sad, because--this is going to sound really dumb--I like the number 6. It's a pretty number. I wanted to like 2006. But for some reason, 2006 and I were just not meant to be.

Here's the thing: I don't believe in astrology or numerology per se, not to the point where I'd organize my life around them, but I do believe that they give us metaphorical ways of talking about things that are real. When I'm being persnickety, that's "my Virgo" coming out. When I start flitting around from project to project and finishing none of them, that's classic Sagittarius behavior; I have to admit that it is something I do before I can start doing something about it (like saying, "For NaNoWriMo, I will work on only one thing and try to complete that"). So here's the thing: I consider tarot cards to be one of those metaphorical tools. And apparently the card that corresponds with Sagittarius is Temperance; the card that corresponds with Sagittarius's ruling planet, Jupiter, is the Wheel of Fortune. When I found this out, I was disappointed that I didn't get anything fun like the Magician or the Star or the Empress, until I realized that the Wheel of Fortune pretty much is my card. I'd already been trying to work out exactly how long a cycle of good and bad events is for me, and I'd gotten it down to roughly four or five years. I come down with grand mal depressions like clockwork: ages 13-14, 18-19, 22-23, and now... 27. And I'm on top of the world right before I fall down again. I don't want to say this has been an annus horribilis exactly, but I can definitely see how I might be crushed underfoot (underwheel?) at the moment.

Of course, the thing about the concept of the Wheel is that you might always go down, but you're also always going to come back up. The reason I say it's useful in a real-world way is that if you can isolate your own patterns, you can say, you know, this isn't going to last forever. It's so bad now that I've got to be on the way back up. And that means I've got some really good things on the way, so I'd better be ready to take advantage of them. And my next down period looks like it's going to be over here, so I need to go ahead and start saving for a rainy day, as it were. I think this is the first time I've ever sat down and said to myself, this is where we are and this is where we're going, and this is where we're going to be.

So twenty-seven was pretty awful. On the upside, thirty is on track to be fantastic.


(I was listening to that Heather Nova cover of "Wicked Game," the one I posted yesterday, and it suddenly occurred to me: I would love to hear what she'd do with "Wuthering Heights.")

Chris Robinson to divorce Kate Hudson. I never quite expected to see those words in that order.

1950s R&B star Ruth Brown dies at age 78. "She also became a prominent advocate for the rights of aging R&B musicians during her long struggle to recoup her share of royalties from Atlantic. Her effort led to the formation of the Rhythm & Blues Foundation, a Philadelphia-based nonprofit dedicated to providing financial and medical assistance, as well as historical and cultural preservation of the musical genre."

Cruise, Holmes marry in Italian castle. "Please! Please let me out!"

The Game charged with impersonating cop... to get his cabbie to run red lights.

Israel developing anti-militant "bionic hornet." I... what?

British binge-drinking taking toll on young.

New Yorkers would choose Hillary over Giuliani in 2008: poll.

Deep-fried flags removed from museum. I... what?

New robot can sense damage, compensate.

WB Harry Potter "Order of the Phoenix" Website Now Online.

It probably won't stay up long, but here's a an in-theater recording of the OOTP trailer on YouTube (yes, popcorn rustling and small children murmuring and all). There are actually some really cool visuals, but the best, by far, is a glimpse of Bellatrix. I think the official copy's supposed to hit the intarwebs on Monday.

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Helena is going to rock that role like there's no tomorrow.

Y'know, after watching that, it just sort of hit me... the supporting cast of Harry Potter is positively first-class. There is some SERIOUS talent in this series.

I mean, normally I'm just, "Eee, Harry Potter"... my fanaticism causes me to forget that I'm watching a movie, like it's just an extension of what I love, therefore I love it. I'm not sure I'm making sense.

But tonight, I suddenly realized... Gary Oldman, David Thewlis, Helena - Bonham Carter, Ralph Fiennes, Alan Rickman, Jason Isaacs, Maggie Smith, Emma Thompson, Julie Walters...

For lack of anything better to say - holy freaking crap!

Deep-fried flags removed from museum

...okay then.

This has been epidode 1647 of "Agatha Does Not Understand Modern 'Art'"

stupid question: why not winter like all the others? and isn't 7/13 harry's bday?

Well, POA came out in the summer. I think it's about making tons of money, honestly--7/13 was actually the logical release date for Pirates 3, given that the other two were released in July, but Disney blinked and moved POTC 3 up to May rather than go head to head with Potter.

When I start flitting around from project to project and finishing none of them, that's classic Sagittarius behavior

Don't I know it. I love being a Sage but that is the one part I could probably do without. I call us the absentminded professors of the zodiac. I will say that you are doing better at NaNo than I am. Last year I didn't even get half way through. This year I signed up. That's it...signed up and haven't written a damn word.

Well, I have a month's lead on you, Cleo, and if my experience is any guide, 28 will be better than 27 even if it isn't quite The Best Year Ever. My 27th birthday started out with being publicly mocked in a restaurant, but 28 started with Borat (which at least made me laugh, even if the reality has turned out to be less pleasant). Also, Tarot cards are really pretty, and that alone is justification for looking at them.

Also, Tarot cards are really pretty, and that alone is justification for looking at them.

That's pretty much my usual reason.

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I was thinking the other day that if the OotP soundtrack doesn't sample "Werewolves of London" when Lupin goes to Grimmauld Place, I'll never forgive them.

Katie looks like she's banging against the window with the back of her hand and she looks terrified. She's definetly not "waving," as the caption reads.

You know, the whole "I feel awful now and everything seems dreadful but I know it'll get better" really is invaluable. For me the dangerous times in my life is when I know on some gut level that things will never get any better, when I feel like I'm going to feel terrible forever.

Right now I'm in a bit of a slough of despond, but I know that it's just a matter of time and brain chemistry adjustments and then things will get better. So yeah...I understand what you're saying.

Yeah, the worst moments are when I end up sitting there thinking, "It's always going to be like this." I still get a little bitter that I have to cycle through all this--that I can't reach some kind of generally good place and stay there.

So I watched the OotP trailer and I thought to myself, "Wow, whoever's playing Bellatrix really looks like Helena Bonham Carter." It then took me several minutes to realize it was, in fact, Helena Bonham Carter. That was a really random disconnect. But it looks awesome!

Hee. And I have a feeling she's gonna nail it to the wall, too.

It never really occurred to me that there might be "grand mal" depression cycles as well as the "usual" sort of depression, but ... that makes so much sense, and now I feel silly for not realizing it. I've been having a very difficult time for the last year now (took my first leave of absence and should really be on one now, am struggling with school, am considering medication again)—and while it's always not so wonderful, this completely intolerable thing doesn't feel normal. I just couldn't believe that it could actually get worse from time to time—I thought it was in my head.

So thank you for what you wrote. I may have to start looking for similar cycles in my own life to see if there's any precedence for what's happening now, and if I can therefore hold on to the thought that it may one day end.

On another note, did you notice that in the Hillary Clinton v. Rudy Giuliani article when directly comparing the individual results they said "Giuliani" on one side and "the wife of former president Bill Clinton" on the other? They had mentioned both by full name and (previous and current) title before that, but I'm still a bit miffed that when comparing results head to head they would refer to Hillary Clinton through her husband. And we wonder why a woman has yet to be president, seriously—it would seem that our country isn't quite ready for it.

On yet another note, thank you for the YouTube Harry Potter trailer link. That was very exciting to see. ^^

One thing that makes me think there might be *something* to astrology or numerology or tarot is that there are just SO MANY similarities between people born around the same time. I'm a Sagittarius, and I've noticed that I usually have more in common with other Sags than with people born at other times.

A friend of mine was very into tarot once gave me a deck, and on the back of the Wheel of Fortune card, she wrote "Stay still, hold on. The wheel will turn." I've often thought I should tack it up over my bathroom mirror, so I'm reminded of that on a daily basis.

This is completely random - I LOVE your icon! I was just watching Dress to Kill earlier today, too : )

I'm so tired of seeing the same old names being bounced back and forth for 2008, goddammit.

Here's the thing: I don't believe in astrology or numerology per se, not to the point where I'd organize my life around them, but I do believe that they give us metaphorical ways of talking about things that are real.

I like this view of astrology, but unfortunately, I am almost, but not quite, entirely unlike a Sagittarius, and my horoscope has never been eerily apt (not that I read it all that often). It makes me sad, because it's a little like having to stay home when everyone's out doing something really fun together.

Hmm. I have some very un-Sag qualities, and when I did a full chart, it turned out that I had some very strong planets in other signs, plus a sun-moon opposition.

HP Stranger than Fiction

I've missed a few of your posts, so not sure if you've seen this yet:

Got it via pegkerr.

OK, fine. Maybe they're in love. But they're still creepy.

He added that the 20-minute ceremony ended with "a never-ending kiss" that prompted some of the guests to shout "stop, stop!"

...All I'm sayin'.

More UCLA Taser aftermath: a link to links

My friend dtaylor has also been following the UCLA tasering and its aftermath. She found more links that she put here.