Oh God, the yearly Adapted Pop Song, please stop it. Just off hand, Helen Mirren looks good, Cate Blanchett's in black lace, Meryl Streep and Salma Hayek look good, Brangelina and Bennifer are present, I hate Cameron Diaz's hair, Justin Timberlake (awkward) has no hair, and Beyoncé's extensions are prodigious.
George Clooney! "Let's get started! Best Supporting Actress!" What, no pillow talk? Aww, Emily Blunt looks nice. "The first one goes to... Leonardo DiCaprio, strangely." Winner: Jennifer Hudson. Whose hair is fantastic, I have to add. I truly think she's a lock for an Oscar nomination and very possibly the award itself at this point. "I have always dreamed... but neva, eva this big... Because of this, it makes me feel like I'm part of a community." She's totally crying. She thanks Bill Condon, God, her boyfriend, [various people], everybody, her family, Paramount, Dreamworks, Hollywood Foreign Press, everyone in this room, and dedicates this award to Florence Ballard. I think. Simon Cowell? Can go screw.
Justin Timberlake, "one of the stars of the new film Alpha Dog." His lapels are a bit shiny, but he looks fairly sharp otherwise. Best Original Song. A Dreamgirls song, a Seal song, a Prince song, a Bryan Adams song, a Sheryl Crow song. "Leo again?" Winner: Prince, for Happy Feet. Justin stands there, looking around. Everyone looks around. "Well, uh, I guess Prince couldn't be here..." So he hunches down about a foot and says, "Well, uh, thank you." Oh, Justin.
Also, I don't know what level of hell these singing cookies came from, but someone's got to stop them.