"Please welcome the actress who stars in The Holiday! Cameron Diaz!" THE actress? The ONLY ONE? Fuck you too, Ca--sweet God, what is she wearing? I mean, I already said the dark hair was fug, but sweet fancy Moses what is that dress? Did you ever pour out a whole bottle of bubblebath when you were a kid and your mom wasn't watching, and then you had this mountain of foam spilling over the side that you had to chuck into the sink and down the toilet as fast as you could? It looks like that. In beige.
Why yes, it was Hilary Swank in the diamond flower. It's very Black Dahlia, actually (and no, you STILL don't look like Mia Kirshner). Also, Jake Gyllenhaal is also here to present Best Screenplay to... the writer of The Queen. He... is not talking about The Queen. Oh dear. Is he getting political? "I've got to wrap up! Thank you Stephen! Thank you Helen! --Goodbye!"
Is that Vanessa Williams with the giant... not a fro, precisely, but... a... two-story pony fro? I don't even know? And is Tim Allen really smashed hitting on her? Best Actor in a TV Comedy: Alec Baldwin. Jack Nicholson is very happy for Baldwin. Also, the actress with David Spade that I didn't recognize a few entries back was Tina Fey: that's how good she looks, that I didn't even recognize her.
Diane Keaton for L'Oreal: "I'm loopy and incoherent as all hell, and I'm worth it."