Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones

Golden Globes, part 10

The Cecil B. DeMille Award: "Please welcome TOM HANKS!" Jennifer Lopez and Skeletor clap enthusiastically. Apparently the HFPA peeeeeered into THE FUTURE back in 1962 and named Warren Beatty Most Promising Newcomer. I believe they also gave this award to Pia Zadora. I'm just saying: it evens out. Hanks goes on and on about how Warren Beatty acts and directs and produces and writes and caters and what-all: "I believe you will agree with me when I say: what balls this man has. WHAT BALLS THIS MAN HAS! What balls... has Warren Beatty." Look, just hump him and get it over with, Hanks. They then show a clip of Warren Beatty with Natalie Wood having a spaztastic meltdown in Splendor in the Grass (I know, that doesn't narrow it down much), which may have not been the best choice, as she's got the scenery in her hysterical maw and she's not letting go. (What? I love that movie.) Oh, Dick Tracy. These are no friends of Beatty's, the people choosing these clips. Ohhhh, rapping Warren Beatty. And then Warren Beatty and Young Diane Keaton scream at each other. I really should pick Reds up. Hanks is on to what a Romeo Beatty is: "Ladies? A show of hands." Then: "Guys?" Hanks raises his own. Please don't start in on his balls again. Plea--oh, there he goes again.

Beatty takes the floor: "It isn't easy being humble when you're married to Annette Bening." He bewails his filmography compared to the "work that Clint and Jack and Dustin are doing... forget about Hanks. I have bottles of moisturizer older than Hanks. But... Clint. You do one after the other and then you do two at the same time and they're just as great as the last and you do the score? How do you think that makes me feel?" To Jack: "What is it you want to make me feel? Departed? I don't know why these guys can't take it a little easier, why they can't do what I asked them to do--I asked Arnold to become a Democrat, and he did what I said..." (Laugh from the audience.) "I'm going to say something that's going to scare the hell out of everybody: of course I'm going to make another movie... 1962, Coconut Grove, forty-five years ago... show of hands? Yeah, that was before your time..." Hanks starts pretending to count hands again anyway. Beatty has a suggestion: "You could make me the most promising newcomer... again!" And then he goes into a bizarre Borat impression ("Wow! I am from Kazakhstan!"). Wha? I mean, I get where he was going with it, I just... wha? There's some more speechifying but my fingers may not fing much longer (seriously, my cat bit the shit out of my right hand this morning). And then he thanks Annette for "always making me feel like I'm your most promising newcomer." Awwwww goes the audience.

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Tags: awards, golden globes, movies

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