"Please welcome former Cecil B. DeMille recipient Dustin Hoffman!" Hoffman threatens an Ishtar 2 before presenting a clip from Little Miss Sunshine.
"Ladies and gentlemen! Steven Spielberg!" Yea, he did come down from on high to present Best Director. Clint Eastwood is nominated against himself. Winner: Scorsese. I told you De Niro had placed calls to important associates in Jersey. "This is--this is--oh, my--a heck of a time." He starts talking about restoring Night of the Hunter and Paths of Glory and The Red Shoes, which is so Scorsese for you: America's Film Professor, as someone once said. He mentions the original, "Infernal Affairs, in the great Asian cinema tradition.... third picture together with Leo, Matt Damon, great actor, Mark Wahlberg, amazing... I wanted to make a film in the old tradition of the studio gangster pictures, not Angels with Dirty Faces, Devils with Dirty Faces..." I'm running out of time, but you get the idea. I love him.
Best Actor, Musical or Comedy. Reese Witherspoon in butter yellow (eek). Nominated: Sacha Baron Cohen, Aaron Eckhart, Will Ferrell with an impressive fro, Johnny Depp (not pictured). Sacha Baron Cohen wins. "Warren? Where is he? It's 'Wa wa WEE wa!'" Wonderfully British, Cohen talks about the "dark side of America, by which I mean the anus and testicles of my costar." His costar raises a glass of wine to him, while everyone in the audience howls. His speech, focusing almost exclusively on that scene, ends with, "Kenneth, if it were not for that rancid bubble... I would not be here today. And thank you to all the Americans who have not sued me yet!"