Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones

Baby's first fanfic!

Oh, I forgot to mention: Lee Goldberg hates fanfiction, and he hates it often. His brother Tod, on the other hand, is rock-awesome, and invited (challenged?) Fandom Wank to write some fanfic about him, Dave Navarro, Carmen Electra, and a dagget. Also, he wanted to be handsome and skinny. I didn't have room for Carmen, but I did my best, using the Drabble-Matic. Tod posted it on his blog, but I don't know if he liked it or not.

P.S. I wouldn't say that FW "hates" Lee. I'd say they disagree strenuously with his stance on fanfiction, but they definitely enjoy every time he goes off on it anew.

P.P.S. No, I don't know what a dagget is either. ETA: A dagget!

1000 Prolix Polar Bears
Tod paced skinnily back and forth. Amethyst dread filled his heart. Dave Navarro should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my naughty love, Tod thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Dave Navarro had been taken hostage by Roseate Toenail, a supervillain who had the city in a state of tortuous terror. Tod fainted dead away, like a herd of elephants. Handsome elephants.

When he came to, there was a bump on his elbow and the amethyst dread had returned. "Dave Navarro, my bilious honey bunny," he cried out stickily. "What is Roseate Toenail doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing sweatily as he boggled him in the uvula.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Tod remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 prolix polar bears, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Tod ordered in a supply of prolixity and set to work, folding polar bears until his elbow was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last polar bear when Dave Navarro walked in the front door.

"Dave Navarro!" Tod screamed and threw himself into Dave Navarro's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 prolix polar bears and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing on a natural high. He kissed Dave Navarro huskily on the nostril.

"Actually," Dave Navarro said, pulling away silkily, "I was rescued by the Crepuscular Dagget. He's a new superhero in town." Dave Navarro sighed. "And he's totally bodacious."

The amethyst dread came back. "But you're crunk to be back here with me, right?"

Dave Navarro checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Crepuscular Dagget for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay gold, Ponyboy." He left and the door banged behind him.

Tod choked back a sob and started folding another polar bear. Then he went out and got drunk instead.

Back to your regularly scheduled linkspam.

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