The Eragon thing I mentioned yesterday: Okay, I will caution you that I have not actually seen the movie. I have seen 7700 screen caps (by
pinklabel), however, so what I'm saying is that I've seen it; I just haven't heard any of the sound. The actual plot of the movie is therefore slightly vague to me, but I've actually seen Lord of the Star Wars, so it's not hard to keep up. Ten things, therefore, that we learn about elves from Eragon: Actually, before I start, let me set this up for you: Arya (poor Sienna Guillory. No, not Sienna "Shitsburgh" Miller; the other Sienna) has three outfits. She wears the white number at the end of the movie, and the black schoolgirl ninja ensemble in the battle before that. This leaves her in a beige/tan outfit for 90% of the movie. She's riding a horse in it, she runs into Robert Carlyle in it, Robert Carlyle subdues her with sheer fright-wigged fug, she falls down, she gets captured, at some point Bluey and the kid show up to save her, etc. She does not have an opportunity to change clothes until she gets to her kicky little black ninja skirt. Keep this in mind when I start gibbering about her shapeshifting, non-making-of-the-sense costumes.
Anyway. Ten things we learn about elves from Eragon:
1. The race of Elvenkind is descended from Pocahontas.
("You don't even want to know how many Golden Snitches died to make this scrunchie.")
2. Elves don't wear pants.
3. That said, apparently they don't chafe, either.
4. Elves especially like to frolic in their elfin schoolgirl outfits.
5. Elves put seams anywhere they damn please.
6. Elves fall down a lot. This is an interesting development, as previously it was thought that only hobbits fall down a lot.
7. Elves are allergic to bad acting.
8. In the wild, elves are one-sleeved.
(That one sleeve? Can switch sides. I know, I checked to see if maybe she's looking at the camera and we can't tell because she's in silhouette. The position of her left hand--specifically, her thumb--and her Red Knapsack of +3 Egg Transport suggests that her back is still to it. Switched. Sides.)
(Look, seriously. It's not that there's a second sleeve on the back and she's just not using it. There is no currently unoccupied sleeve! There is no second sleeve on the grassy knoll.)
9. However, after a period of captivity...
Elves will, in fact, grow a second sleeve.
This second sleeve can be distinguished by the fact that it hasn't had time to catch up to the original sleeve.
10. And finally, elves have healing powers...
... it's just that some of them aren't very good at it.
Fin.
Linkspam:
What the NFCTDWTF thing was actually about. Not that this really explains it per se...
Craig Ferguson declines to mock Britney: "For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful -- the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards -- going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable."
Meanwhile, Britney checks into rehab. Again. ("Laughs end with bizarre Britney in rehab.")
Obama attracts celebrities and cash.
Tiny baby to leave Florida hospital.
Falcon charged with animal abuse. I was very confused when I first saw this on Google Reader, before I realized it was from CNN via SportsIllustrated.com.
Lost ring comes full circle 20 years later.
George Takei responds to Tim Hardaway.
Jennifer Love Hewitt: 'I want to be a dork.' I think of you as a total dork, Jennifer. Does that help?
WOMAN HAVING AFFAIR WITH BOAT CAPTAIN SHOULD ABANDON SHIP. IT'S IN CAPSLOCK BECAUSE IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.
Fla. teen stumbles upon mammoth tooth.
From
foresthouse: "Hey, in your next linkspam, would you mind mentioning the new community I've created, a_plus_products? It's basically a place where people can go to read about/promote stellar products recommended by LJers. particle_person has already sent in the first product to review!"
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