Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones

Oscar blog, part 1

So. My gowns are by Yahoo Avatar, my lipgloss is by Clinique, my pajamas are by Damn If I Know, I Cut Off the Tags, and the catering is by the Girl Scouts of America (I’ve saved an entire box of Tagalongs for the occasion) and my mother, who is making a homemade margherita pizza when she and my stepfather get back from his drummer gig. (Can I just say? I have a green dress for my avatar that is totally hot. And now I kind of hate myself.)

6:00 pm. Rather than watch the red carpet, I decided to watch Barbara Walters instead. Helen Mirren is now my hero. Ellen DeGeneres kind of already was. Jennifer Hudson was surprisingly down to earth--and Simon Cowell’s comments to her on American Idol were harsh, in retrospect. You know, considering that she was supposedly “out of her league.” (Also, I have not seen Dreamgirls yet, and they showed the big Jennifer Hudson clip--"So pivotal that this is the first time it has been shown on television"--and I finally understood why people were saying they felt chills when they saw it.) Eddie Murphy is surprisingly calm, and thank God for someone, finally, who has had a happy childhood. (Heh. "Slump? SLUMP? I AIN'T HAD NO SLUMP! I MET--I MET--TWO PEOPLE!--WHO LIKED PLUTO NASH!")

Abigail Breslin has a HP printer commercial they keep running where she talks about how "I think I've had a good life." Good God, she sounds like Helen Mirren, which is a little bit awesome sixty.

Also, I don't know what this Last Mimzy movie is about, but it has Dwight from The Office, and that kind of messes with my perception of reality. I know he was on Six Feet Under first and, therefore, has played other characters. But he's Dwight now.

6:45 pm. E! already has some red carpet pics up: Penelope Cruz looks pretty good in what looks like a pale pink Chanel. Even if it isn't a Chanel, it totally is, if that makes any sense. Forest Whitaker is at least going to look good when he wins. Anne Hathaway: quirky but elegant in black and white. Oh, Dr. Sunken Tits, what are we going to do with you? (Seriously, anagram her name and see what you get.) Helen Mirren looks good, as always. Ohhhhhh, Her Cateness is in top form in dark silver. Jennifer Hudson would look great if she would ditch the gold lamé shrug. Jennifer Lopez is... I don't know. She kind of looks like a Greek goddess who held up Harry Winston's while her zombie minion kept the getaway car warm. Ooooo, Rachel Weisz in silver. Cameron Diaz looks marginally less awful than the last time I saw her, but about four shades darker. Jessica Biel... Jessica is letting me down, unless the back of her hot pink dress is just 5000% more fabulous, which it very well might be. Emily Blunt, very nice in sapphire blue. Unless Rinko Kikuchi has perpetrated some scrolldown horror below the frame, she's gone with boring black lace and disappointed me exceedingly, as I was fully expecting her to Bjork it up. Gael García Bernal & Diego Luna are totally in love. Has Jodie Foster had work on her face? Because she's scaring me a little. Other than that, she looks fab in sort of a slate blue. Aww, Dr. Tumnus looks kind of lost. And Maggie Gyllenhaal looks unusually good in black and royal blue.

7:00 pm. Official ABC red carpet show. Good God, I just turned my head, saw the TV, and Nicole Kidman is wearing this tomato-red gown with a bow at the shoulder, and Naomi Watts is very slouchy in off-the-shoulder yellow. Ladies, you're supposed to coordinate these things.

(Oh, Jennifer, what is that shrug? What is it? I am beaming my thoughts out to you: TAKE IT OFF. Also, your eye makeup is fabulous.)

Steve Carell! I love you Steve Carell! You were robbed.

Okay, someone is signing the Nominee Wall in matching ruby-red hair and gown, and--yup, it's Patricia Field. Somehow I just knew.

(Mmm, Tagalongs.)

Ooo, Rachel Weisz's train is fantastic. Also, someone had a really nice light pink or peach gown with some interesting detailing that I fear may have been Gwyneth Paltrow. Abigail Breslin looks really cute (and appropriate!) in yellow and pink. Cate Blanchett is sparrrrkly; Andre Leon Talley is asking her dumbass questions about belting her costumes in various movies. Reese Witherspoon is working kind of a subdued navy blue. Mark Wahlberg also looks sharp--I haven't seen any men embarrassing themselves sartorially yet.

Aww, there's the Mexican Musketeers signing the Wall. I have to tell you, I have the biggest crush on Alfonso Cuarón. I mean literally, he fine. Also, I just spit out half a Tagalong when Iñárritu said, “We don’t really like each other, it’s all just sexual tension.”

Oooo, Kate Winslet is pretty in a pale apple green--another Grecian-style dress, which seems to be the vogue this year. Who is she talking to, Lisa Ling? Lisa is in a long ponytail and a plain black dress with an unfortunately low waistline that looks like it escaped from the '80s, but without the fun of sequins. Ew. Helen Mirren! I love you, Helen Mirren! A very pretty pale gold with elbow sleeves--oh, hell it's time to start.

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Tags: awards, movies, oscars
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