Aww, they're having a big hand up front for "a record number of artists" nominated. Will Smith and Kate Winslet kiss-kiss ("I'm totally not winning." "Hey, I'm not either!"); Scorsese schmoozes with Helen Mirren. Here's Ellen in... wow, maroon velvet? Bold choice. (Ah, of course Errol Morris did the opening bit.) "This year we're celebrating the nominees," says Ellen. "Unlike the other years, when we mostly just celebrated the winners." Okay, I lol'd. A bit about dreaming of the Academy Awards ends with, "So that's a lesson for you kids! Aim lower." It's the most international Oscars ever! "Spain is in the house... Japan is representing... I think I see a few Americans as well... the seat fillers, of course. No one fills a seat like an American." An "ohhhhh" in the audience. I'm sure this will be on YouTube tomorrow, so I'm not going to transcribe it, but she mentions sitting at home with a box of chardonnay, which is pretty much all you need to know.
(Oh, MAN, she just called Peter O'Toole out. "He's been nominated eight times. Well, you know what they say: third time's the charm!" O'Toole also lols.)
(Oh, thank God, Jennifer Hudson has taken off the shrug. A Hudson-Gore joke about voting brings down the house.)
"Hey, Leo! I don't have a joke, I just thought the ladies would like to look at you."
"I wish there was a way to show you how much I want to celebrate you, all you nominees--what's this? A tambourine in my hand?" And then a white robed choir marches out singing "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!" I'm not even making this up. "I would not want to follow that. And the first presenters are..."
Hey! It's Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig and his ears from The Golden Compass with Art Direction go slower! go slower! Big cheer for Pan, interestingly, which is who I have down. Winner: Pan. Awww, that's right. The lady announcer struggles womanfully through "Eugenio Caballero and Pilar Revuelta." Pilar es muy, muy delgada. I daresay flaca, even.
Maggie Gyllenhaal all by herself to say that "A few weeks ago, I had a date with a mob of magicians." Ah, the geek awards they don't televise. Usually they get someone a little bustier as a consolation prize, but hey, maybe Maggie's a thinking man's consolation.
Oh--oh dear. Is this interpretive dance? A bunch of tumblers roll together to form an Oscar statue in silhouette. And... that's all. Hey, as long as we don't have people prancing around to the strains of Babel, I'm okay.