(Lubezki didn’t win! Sob.)
Naomi Watts and Robert Downey Jr. Downey may or may not be coming off a bender, and even alludes to such “in the mid ‘90s.” Come on, Visual Effects, don’t break my heart. Oh, thank God, it’s Pirates of the Caribbean. The FX guys thank Jerry Bruckheimer and Gore Verbinski’s “tireless imagination” and apologize to Bill Nighy for the mocap jammies. Awww.
Catherine Deneuve and Ken Watanabe. Deneuve: still amazing. Watanabe: very sharp. I can barely understand either of them. Sacha Baron Cohen in the audience kind of mouths to himself like he doesn’t understand either. Ah, we’re here with a montage of the fifty foreign film winners, assembled by the director of Cinema Paradiso. And we will be able to understand it, because it speaks the international language of... (“Love?” Seriously, how many of y’all said that out loud?) “Film,” finishes Deneuve.
Ah, there's that Swarovski crystal curtain they were talking about. And here's Clive Owen and Cate Blanchett, and there is too much pretty onstage. Not to mention too much sparkle, between Cate and that curtain. Best Foreign Film! OH MY GOD THE LIVES OF OTHERS. I mean, that was the only other prediction out there, pretty much, besides Pan, but that's because everyone else was dead certain Pan would win. What the hell is going on? It's like Mirren and Whitaker are so certain that everyone decided to be TOTALLY WACKY on all the other votes. The Lives of Others director jumps up about five feet in the air, so at least he's appreciative.
Heeeee. Ellen goes behind the Interpretative Screen to do shadow puppets, and then she gets sucked into an Intepretive Display of Snakes on a Plane. Tousled, she emerges to blurt out, "They're naked!"
George Clooney! Right to it! Best Supporting Actress! Oh God. I don't even know what's going on anymore. Pretty much anything could happen, you guys. (Okay, seriously. Stop showing the scene of Breslin screaming. She did, in fact, appear in other scenes.) Oh, thank God, it's Jennifer Hudson. It's not that I even particularly wanted her to win; I'm just back in a world I understand now. She's immediately in tears and thanking her grandmother. Beyoncé appears to be watching her benevolently from behind folded hands. I like to think that she is plotting painful deaths for Hudson. Tears are shining in Beyoncé’s eyes... right when the camera is on her. Yes, I’m cynical. And then they actually try to play Hudson offstage. Hudson’s song performance should be amazing, though, since she doesn’t have to worry anymore.