What? I had half a peanut butter sandwich six hours ago. Update on POTC trinkets: I think the basic jewelry replicas--rings, pendants--may actually be a little cheaper at Master Replicas than at EE. Thing is I'm slightly obsessed with objects: trinkets, mementoes, charms. I don't know if it's because I'm a total magpie (probably) or because I love the idea of objects having stories. I'm fascinated by the idea of the old key that fits that one strange door you find one day, or the ring you kept safe all those years having a secret purpose. I keep having to fight the temptation to give every character I come up with some kind of signature object--not everyone can have an Evenstar, you know? Not every fictional someone needs a magic ring or a lucky keychain or a favorite brooch. I mean, I can think of it for my own personal reference, but I have a really hard time not subsequently turning them into plot points. Basically, the last Potter book-- Harry Potter and the Search for Deadly Stuff --is like my dream come true. He's gonna collect stuff! Shiny stuff! Maybe evil, but that's okay! Because it's stuff. You know, I think this also may explain why I love the POTC and LOTR trilogies so much: they're all about people getting stuff. Rings, brooches, cloaks, compasses, swords, maps, necklaces--seriously, was I a dragon in a former life or something? Anyway. Okay, this cracked my shit up. At Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab: For a limited time, the following scents will be available on our Limited Edition page: PRIVILEGE Polished party-girl sleaze. This is a shameless scent, devoid of caution, regret, or introspection. This perfume reeks of tabloid glamour, and has no substance whatsoever. Armoise, tuberose, white citrus, rose absolute, oakmoss, tiare, vanilla, linden, and lemon tree blossom. Although this scent originated with fine plants and the pure essences, the final result is a grotesque, eerily empty caricature of a debauched, narcissistic would-be debutante. PRUNO Jailhouse hooch. Distilled in toilets, this vintage is comprised of chow line droppings, including oranges, apples, ketchup, and sugar. These scents will be live for as long as Paris Hilton stays in jail. Hirst covers cast skull in diamonds. This seems related somehow, I'm not sure why. Living in a porn-driven, 'look-at-me' culture. Well, obviously this is. Interesting point: " '[Young girls' provocative behavior] doesn't have anything to do with their sexual pleasure,' says Simon. 'It has to do with pleasing somebody else -- the grasping for attention. As a parent, it makes me want to cry.' " Warning: Imported toothpaste may contain antifreeze poison ; Salmonella cases linked to peanut butter top 600. Ray Bradbury, "enthusiastic fan of Bush," says Fahrenheit 451 misinterpreted. I feel like someone just told me that Santa isn't real. Putin: Russia may aim nuclear weapons at Europe. Bad for Europe and the entire world; fantastic for Bond movie producers. "Arcade Fire Stole My Basketball" , a game of one-upmanship: 1. "Arcade Fire Didn't Steal Dude's Basketball" 2. "I Was Mugged and Raped by Belle and Sebastian" 3. "Broken Social Scene Fire-Bombed My Country and Left Its Economy in Shambles" 4. "The Decemberists Trained a Falcon to Crap on My Head at My Wedding" Fin. Melodramatic Gopher Closeup. This is better acting than you often see on Passions , to be honest. Invisible Pommel Horse. Depp, ‘Pirates’ claim MTV Movie Awards. A tidbit therein: "The 16-year-old awards show unveiled two new categories Sunday: best movie spoof and best summer movie you haven’t seen yet. Andy Signore, a filmmaker from Pennsylvania, won for 'United 300,' a hybrid spoof of 300 and United 93. " All I gotta say is, this must be the most brilliant parody in the history of ever to not be denounced on sight. Brian Helgeland revising Ridley Scott's Nottingham. This is the one with Nottingham as the hero and Robin Hood as the villain, which, again, I say unto thee: Orlando Blooooooom. ‘Alien Vs. Predator 2’ A ‘True-Blue Monster Movie.’ Trufax: My mother loved the first one. Images: The Golden Age. Justin Timberlake Gets His Ass Beat By Coke Bottle. I just like the headline. Oh, and the blogger's assertion that Timberlake should have gotten current Girlfriend or Whatever Jessica Biel in there to crack some heads. Mostly because I can totally see it. From MindFreak to Mandrake . Have you seen those dumbass commercials where some greasy magician with a pack of cards is all like, "I can READ YOUR MIND with the EMO POWER OF MY BANGS" or whatever? Yeah. So, the guy, Criss Angel, "has been cast as the comic strip hero Mandrake in the upcoming movie version of Lee Falk's magician character." Kevin Bacon Joins 'Frost/Nixon.' Disney to Make RomCom About Adam & Eve. "The soon-to-be-script details Adam as he follows Eve 'to a modern-day Gotham after they have a lover's quarrel. Adam discovers Satan was behind the breakup.' " I know all the words in that sentence; I just can't quite make them play nice together. 'Gone With the Wind': The Musical. This is going to end well. Eh, maybe it will. All it really needs, though, is a reality show to cast it. Nikki Finke Gets In Blog Scuffle Over 'Hostel II.' You know, I spend a lot of time wrestling with my feelings about these "torture porn" movies, because I have a really hard time reconciling the fact that I will go to the mat for free speech and controversial content with the idea that I can't find anything the least bit redeeming about these movies. I'm also really uncomfortable about the fact that my entire experience with the movies has been a few trailers, because with anything else I'd say, "That's not enough to judge something on." I have no problem with liking horror movies; I don't like it when movies focus on the splatter, but I like thrillers and battle scenes and being thrilled and/or horrified in a number of less gory ways. I just... I can't put my finger on it, but the first time I saw the Hostel trailer in the theater, I felt dirty. Like I wanted to wash my hands, and maybe something nasty was crawling up my neck. And it's got a similar visual aesthetic to Seven , which I really liked. I don't know... Seven was nasty but it also seemed to be about something. By the end of the movie, it's like it was about a certain despair that the world is so filthy, and that evil wins, and that even when it doesn't win, it's still there wearing you down for thirty years, whereas Hostel just seems to be about the fact that the world is filthy, and here are people doing cruel, filthy things for an hour. Seven seems to have a very cynical, weary soul, and Hostel is all just like, "WOOOOOO BLOWTORCH EYEBALL!" I don't know. It's not that I need horror to have anything "redeeming" about it, despite my example--it's more like I need it to be about something other than hurting people. Jim Carrey Will Lead Gay Prison Movie. There's pretty much no good headline to follow that ramble up with, so it might as well be this one. Anna Paquin - Now a Blonde. X-Men's Ramirez to join Heroes . Deeply awesome: The Spoiler T-Shirt. Warning: Spoilers. Uh. Early 'Hairspray' Review Says Audiences Will Go Wild With Cheers and Whistles. I don't know, the only thing I can think whenever I see anything about it is "KILL IT WITH FIRE." I think this is a knee-jerk She-Travolta reaction, however. Gawker's The Unethicist: I Will See You in Hell by Accident. Whenever I find myself in situations like these in which I am clearly in a world that was not made for me, it makes me wonder what else I'm missing out on, when the barbecue ends and everyone goes back to their underwater mansions to have sex with dragons. Your situation is kind of like the boring middle-aged Midwest version of this. Popular culture has led us to believe that the upper middle-class is filled with sexual aimlessness and moral turpitude, all key parties and impulse-purchase-sports cars and vodka tonics. In reality it's board meetings and Whole Foods and small industrial favors to save the privileged few from one more headache before they settle down for a night of television, wondering if their college-aged kids are going to be able to avoid all the mistakes that have led to this mildly depressing but not completely unpleasant place in their middle-management lives, and if not, what is in the hatch?!