Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones
cleolinda

INFIDELS!

Okay, so I've been interested in Van Helsing because

1. I'm a major vampire/Dracula fan
2. I'm a major Hugh Jackman fan
3. I'm a major Kate Beckinsale fan
4. My second cousin was the set decorator
5. I actually thought Stephen Sommers' first Mummy movie was pretty spiff.

The thing is, when you get as deep into movies as I do (I remember when I posted that Reese Witherspoon might be the lead actress! I remember when I was totally, totally wrong!), you tend to get attached to movies wayyy in advance. Maybe you get a little too attached. (Everyone else: "MAYBE?") Anyway, I knew that I--and this movie--was in trouble when I read last month that Jackman is playing a character named Gabriel Van Helsing. Gabriel? GABRIEL?

Quoth Stephen Sommers: "The key is to use the source material." Half a page later :"For one thing, I don’t like the name Abraham. I can’t name my lead character Abraham. That isn’t going to cut it."

I mean, never mind that "Abraham" has been good enough for every other actor who ever played the character, ever.* It isn't good enough for the cinematic visionary who brought you the Scorpion King, so bring on the rewrites!

Anyway. This isn't even what I came to rant about today. No, it gets a lot worse. There's a couple of new reviews at AICN that reveal the ending. (Rather, one reveals it and the other doesn't contradict it.) And this ending? Is beyond lame. BEYOND. LAME. The only thing lamer would be if Sommers thinks he can still make sequels after what he's done to this character. And he probably does. In fact, he probably put it in Jackman's contract.

Sommers, you are dead to me.

(P.S. Could you get Universal to send me passes for opening weekend? Kthnx.)

Final thought: I am rilly, rilly, rilly glad now that, when I first heard about this movie last spring, I said, "Vampire hunter movie? Oh, shit" and put a quickness on Black Ribbon. No, it's not finished, but I've got enough of it up that I can prove it was my own idea and not related to this movie in any way. Also, I predict that there will be huge fanfic about this movie, mostly trying to go back and rewrite the ending. In fact, go ahead and start your fanfic now, because I promise you, you can't think of anything worse than this.



*I'll be damned. "J."? "Jeffery"? "Malichi"? "Larimer?" LARIMER?
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