"We'd like to talk to you today about the terrible things going on in the world today--"
"BELAY THAT JABBER!" ("Mm-hm, terrible things...")
"--and maybe you've wondered how a merciful God could allow such suffering. If you'd look here with me at Deuteronomy..."
"BACK, YOU BLACKGUARD, OR IT'S A TASTE OF THE CAT FOR YOU!" ("Oh... Deuteronomy... yeah. Well, you know, I'm a member of Local Church...")
"Oh, then you're a student of the Bible. Perhaps you'd like to look at our publications..."
"NEVER, YE POXY DOGS! BE HANGED UPON YER WATCHTOWER!" ("Well, if you have a copy you'd like to leave with me, that'd be great.")
And thus I drove 'em from me door, walked 'em off the plank and bid them flee, lest I forget me mercy and be true to those threats! The cat be out of the bag--the rope's end be itchin' in my hand! And if ye hear down at the Red Parrot that I bid them have a good day, know that it be a filthy LIE.
(Aww... hell. Such nice old salts, they were.)