On Monday or Tuesday thereabouts, TCM had a Joan Fontaine movie marathon that somehow did not include either Rebecca or Suspicion, but rather a 1939 movie called Maid's Night Out that I only caught the last half hour of, but suffice it to say that she's not really a maid, she's a debutante, and he's not really a milkman, he's a millionaire's son, but he has some kind of bet going about delivering all the milk and checking back in to the dairy on time, but she gets him thrown into the pokey for climbing up her trellis in the middle of the night (I think. This was where I walked in), and the kind-hearted milkman convinces her to take the route for the guy the next morning so he won't lose his bet, and then the millionaire's son himself calls Plot Point's Bail Service off a card he magically finds in his tuxedo jacket some ten hours into his overnight stretch, and meanwhile the debutante's actual maid (I think) was woken up by voices talking in the debutante's room, so she just happens to be at the window when the milkman and the debutante escape and the maid assumes, naturally, that the debutante is being kidnapped. So the maid rouses the entire house and the debutante's mother gets the vapors and calls the police and it's in the papers within fifteen seconds while, meanwhile, the debutante is merrily delivering milk. At some point the millionaire's son runs into her and they deliver the milk together. They've only got fifteen minutes to deliver the rest of the milk and get back to the dairy, and then a million billion police cars show up and I think by this time the debutante and the millionaire's son have realized that they think a milkman kidnapped her, so they HIT THE GAS AND FLEE AT TOP SPEED. So a million billion police cars are racing after them in plain sight and the richie-riches lose them for a couple of streets and deliver to the last house and then floor it again and here's the police again and the debutante and the millionaire's son are having a fine old time resisting arrest and then he says, "To the guns!" and Joan Fontaine climbs into the back of the truck and STARTS LOBBING BOTTLES OF MILK AT THE COPS. I AM NOT SHITTING YOU. And every time she hits a target, the police car in question RUNS OFF THE ROAD. One of the cars may turn over, I'm not sure. And they make it to the dairy on time and avoid a police blockade by driving around to the back entrance, and the millionaire's son wins the bet, whatever that means, and the millionaire shows up and the debutante's mother shows up with the maid and more detectives and then the cops arrest the debutante's actual fiance "for speeding" ("And because I don't like you!" shouts the maid), and then Joan Fontaine and the millionaire's son kiss, and then the millionaire and the debutante's mother kiss, and then the two parents stare at each other like, "Wait, WTF?," and I'm sitting there gaping at the TV all WHAT.
I have to run back downstairs now, but my second story, for later: we had a fiasco on the level of the Sonic Incident this morning.