Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones

Oscars, part 5

"Now that was a moment," says Jon Stewart of Bardem's speech. "I took Spanish in high school," he adds, "and I believe he asked his mother where the library was."

And now we see what would have happened if they'd had no writers: A Montage Salute to Binoculars and Periscopes. "Thank God we didn't really have to show that," says Stewart. "That... that wasn't even really worth dimming the lights for. At least we didn't have to do... Bad Dreams in the Movies! " And we get thirty seconds of that as well. Hee.

Ah, here's Keri Russell to present "Raise It Up" from August Rush. August Rush gets a choir; Amy Adams gets a giant empty stage and abject terror. They also have an amazing little girl soloist. While they're singing, txvoodoo tells me that she's doing another red carpet gallery this year. Yays!

Here's Owen Wilson with Live Action Short Film. Whoa, I have no idea what Il Suplente ("The Substitute") is about, but the clip is kind of terrifying. Did that moaning guy have red devil eyes? Winnah: "Le Mozart des Pickpockets." Aww, he "speak very very bad English." And they don't play him off!

Aww, shit. Here's the one part of every single show that I HATE, the moment when an animated character presents something. Jerry Seinfeld Bee presents a clip of his "previous roles," and I will admit that the clip from The Swarm (complete with little arrows labeled "ME") is lolworthy. Best Animated Short: "Peter and the Wolf." The female winner is wearing red, which is trendy, but it is not black. The announcer lady seems to be having some problems, by the way.

Supporting Actress! I say nothing. My mouth is zipped. Here's Alan Arkin, talking about how the Golden Age of Cinema is still alive. Here's Cate!Dylan talking about "the hunk and not the butter." I... I have no idea, and neither does anyone else in the movie. Ruby Dee slaps Denzel Washington, because all Oscar-nominated movie slaps are required by law to appear in best-performance clips. Aww, there's Saoirse Ronan in green, very pretty. Amy Ryan cleans up nicely in navy blue. Tilda Swinton is awesome. That's just a constant of OH MY GOD TILDA SWINTON WON! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! "Oooooh no," she says. "Happy birthday, man. I have an American agent who is the spitting image of this [statue], including, I must say, the buttocks, and I am giving this to him." I was hoping for Cate but this is even more awesome. She tells George Clooney that he rocks, wearing the Batman suit with the rubber nipples under his suit every day, hanging upside down during lunch. I have no idea what she's even talking about. I think my face has just been rocked clean off.

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Tags: awards, epic win, movies, oscars
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