Jon Stewart corrects himself: there is a third pregnant actress in the house, Nicole Kidman--and the baby goes to...! "Angelina Jolie!"
Here's Halle Berry and Dame Judi Den... uh. Seth Rogen and what's his name. Mini-Rogen. Jonah Hill? They argue over who gives off a Halle Berry vibe. GIVE OUT AN AWARRRRRD. Wait, what category is this? There Will Be Blood is up against Transformers, and The Bourne Ultimatum wins? What the hell is... oh, Sound Editing. Got a little scared there for a moment. Both winners are
"Good evening, I'm Miss Halle Berry," says Jonah Hill. GET ON WITH IIIIIIIT. Best Sound Mixing! The Bourne Ultimatum wins again. Is it the action sound effects? Because a good sound effect can really make a fake punch. Heh, a "kissing Halle Berry" joke from one of the winners--Jonah Hill looks frightened. They dedicate their award to their friend, the late Paul Huntsman.
Whoa, a Best Actress montage? Are we really already there? We're not even two hours in! They haven't even given out an honorary Oscar! Here's Forest Whitaker! STOP! STOP! And there's the Golden Age clip I knew they would show, because it is The Shoutiest of Them All. Heee, Cate Blanchett makes a face in the audience--apologetic? scared of her own character? I don't know. Ah, there's Julie Christie in a nice wine-red. Marion Cotillard and Ellen Page smile; Laura Linney laughs at her own clip. YAY, MARION COTILLARD! I don't know when exactly I started rooting for her--I mean, besides the non-black dress--but I did. Cotillard is shining and emotional and thanks "Maestro Olivier, who rocked my life! Thank you life, thank you love! If it is true that there are angels in this city, thank you so, so much!" Awwwwww!
Coming up next: "A special tribute by Nicole Kidman." Oh, Lord, y'all, get out the Kleenex.