Jon Stewart is playing video games with the little girl from the August Rush song. Hee.
Here's Colin Farrell to introduce the Once song. Can someone tell me what he was talking about when he first got to the podium--"Someone needs to look into that"? Anyway, here we are with "Falling Slowly." Unlike Amy Adams, they have a piano and a guitar--and each other. I want to be touched, but I'm a teensy bit ooked that they hooked up in real life. I don't know why, exactly. (Am I smoking crack? They did, didn't they?)
Oh God, it's Jack! Is this Best Picture? Is the show over? Oh God! Slow down! OH MY GOD, HE REALLY IS HERE TO SHOW A BEST PICTURES THROUGH HISTORY MONTAGE.
Okay. Okay. We're okay. It's not over. Two hours in! It's just two hours in!
Here's Renee Zellweger! "Some of the most exciting moments of your life have won Academy Awards!" Okay, I love movies as much, if not more so, than the next person, and I can honestly say that the most exciting moments of my life did not involve movies, much less Oscars. Some of them actually belonged to me, if you can believe it. The Bourne Ultimatum wins again, this time for Film Editing (wow). Also, the winner's father won an Oscar himself many (forty? fourteen?) years ago. Awww.
Why did Jon Stewart start screaming at the stage floor, exactly? "And someone just took their lead in their Oscar pool based on a guess." Hee!
Oh dear, it's Nicole Kidman with a special tribute. Holy God, what is she wearing around her neck? It's like an entire Christmas tree's worth of tinsel. Also? Black. Again. Okay, whew, she's not here with the Annual Death March of Deathly Death. She's here to honor famed art director Robert Boyle, thus soothing my terror that we would not have an honorary Oscar in the entire ceremony, thus upsetting the balance of the universe. "That's the good part about getting old," says Boyle, once the applause has subsided. "I don't recommend the other." Awww. He looks very, very frail. Awwwwwwww, he thanks "Hitch," who gave him his first big film (in the montage we saw North by Northwest). He thanks his wife, his children, his grandchildren, and a number of old friends. It's very sweet.