Oh, btw--starlady42 points out that only Academy members are mentioned in the Death March, which at least explains the Renfro omission. (Notice, for example, the difference in the Oscar list and the SAG list.) Anyone nominated for an Oscar is automatically a member, IIRC--thus, Heath Ledger.
So, here's Helen Mirren to present Best Actor to Daniel Day-Lewis. What? You know it's true. "Greeeeeeed. Ambitionnnnn. Venalityyyy. Miseryyyyyy. And... good old fashioned... cojoneeeeeees." Heeeeeee. Of course, they are contractually required to run the "I have abandoned my CHIIIIIIIIIILD" clip. I'm still so sad that this happened the same year as Sweeney Todd, because Johnny Depp was sad and scary and pitiful and awesome and he did it all through song. And I can't speak for Viggo Mortensen's performance since I haven't seen Eastern Promises, but he did what he did with a flawless Russian accent. It's just not fair that there's only one award sometimes.
Heeeee, Daniel Day-Lewis kneels before Mirren so she can "knight" him with the Oscar. (He's won, of course.) He seems much more cheerful than last time. "It seems to me that this [movie] sprang like a golden sapling out of the head of Paul Thomas Anderson," he says. Why yes, his father was a poet, why do you ask? Whom he thanks, along with his grandfather and his own children. Very nicely done.
Best Director. I like how they go out of their way to show James Cameron shouting that he's KING OF THE WORRRRLD! Also, Martin Scorsese asking them to double-check the envelope. Man, we came so close to civil unrest last year. And here he is! I have no idea who's going to win--Paul Thomas Anderson? The Coens? (Scorsese mentions that he may be awarding it to one director--"or two of them.") The Coens win. Yeah, Best Picture is pretty much sewn up at this point. "I... uh... I don't have a lot to add to what I said earlier," says Ethan Coen, which I know, because the other one says, "Ethan and I...." It's a short speech, and Joel Coen's mention of an early effort called Henry Kissinger: Man on the Go draws a laugh. (I honestly can't tell you if it's real or not.)
Here's Denzel Washington with Best Picture. We're not even anywhere near the stroke of 11 pm (CST)! What kind of show is this? No Country for Old Men wins. Producer Guy thanks Cormac McCarthy (damn straight you thank the writer) and their actors and the Coens and many, many others, because that's what producers do. Joel Coen looms over him and Ethan like a beneficient giant. "Get home safe, everybody!" says Jon Stewart. And... we're out.
Huh. Good people won; no travesties; no truly dumbass montages or intepretive dance; no really hilarious gaffes; nothing they're going to regret ten years from now. What planet are we on?