And then my internet went out for three hours.
While I was cursing out the computer (those of you who chose "D) My computer," come and collect your winnings!), my mother called. While we were cleaning out the fridge
I'll wait while you go make some popcorn.
Okay, you're back. So she calls Sears and asks for a manager:
"May I ask what you need assistance with?"
"No," she says. "I just want to speak with a manager."
New employee: "Hi, may I ask what you need assistance with?"
"Are you a manager?"
"Then no, I do not want to speak with you. I just want to speak with a manager."
Third employee: "Hello. May I ask what you need assistance with?"
"ARE YOU A MANAGER?"He is a manager, praise the Lord. Also, his name is Sayid (!), which I am not making up. If you can imagine the chivalrous, dulcet tones of Sayid "I Killed a Man with My Ankles Just to Watch Him Die" Jarrah on the other end, then we'll all be on the same wavelength. My mother also watches Lost, so this threw her for a bit of a loop as well. But not enough to shake her resolve:
"All right then. I have a Kenmore ColdSpot Side-by-Side Refrigerator that has died. It does not cool anymore. At all. A repairman says that the compressor is frozen. But Sears, YOUR COMPANY, says that they cannot come out until JULY THE NINTH, which is TWELVE DAYS FROM NOW. This refrigerator is UNDER WARRANTY, but Sears will not come out and fix it in a timely fashion. I'm afraid that I DO NOT FIND THIS ACCEPTABLE."
She's recounting this on the phone, and I have to tell you that I let out an audible OOOHHHHHH when she broke out the Declaration of Unacceptability, because that is when you run for cover. That indicates Imminent Momination.
I have a feeling that Sayid is one of Gerald's protégés. At the very least, he is a canny man, because he immediately agreed ("I believe you are right. This delay is not acceptable"). I don't know exactly what else she said to him, but by the time she was done, he had said that he would go call as many repairmen as he needed in order to find one who could come sooner. She was on her cell phone telling me this when her work phone rang, so I was actually there to hear her side of the conversation as Sayid told her that he had, after pulling rank and cracking the skulls of three other managers, located a repairman who could pay us a visit on Tuesday. This appeased my mother ("Thank you so much, that would be wonderful"), and Sayid made his graceful exit ("Please have a very nice day").
So she did, in fact, kick Sears ass, and she kicked it politely. In the end, I think my mother, like most people, needed to be reminded of her own awesomeness.