There was no squealing or cheering in my theater, which made me sad--it was comfortably full, not crazy-packed, but it was worshipfully quiet. The only squee I heard was when the Paramore song started playing midway through the end credits, although of course people laughed when the movie was intentionally funny. (OMG BELLA'S DAD WAS HILARIOUS. This is another reason the movie is improvement technology 100%, because instead of being a mouth-breather who only cares about trout and baseball, Charlie actually had A RELATIONSHIP with Bella, which made her running out on him actually mean something. And also there was a whole SUBPLOT about him trying to track down the Bad Vamps. I KNOW, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER.) Oh, and you know what? I thought Kristen Stewart was perfect. Absolutely perfect... which may say more about how I view Bella Swan than anything, but there you are. It was kind of weird listening to Robert Pattinson do his James Dean for two hours, knowing full well what he sounds like in real life (or Goblet of Fire, for that matter), but he acted the shit out of the Edward self-loathing thing. And he also made the "As long as I'm going to hell" line not sound stupid. My hat is off to you, man.
(Of course they both fell down and choked on the "lion fell in love with the lamb" exchange, but I think everyone, cast, crew and Stephenie Meyer included, knew that was inevitable. Because, you know, you gotta care what the ankle-tattoo people think.)
(OH MY GOD, HE WAS LURKING IN THE CORNER OF HER ROOM. I know Bella was all like, "That was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen," but--honey, I don't think you were dreaming. Yeah. I mentally started writing the Fifteen Minutes at that point.)
And yeah, the wire work (everyone's wire work) was ridiculous--there was no sense of weight or momentum, just... floating in a generally forward-like direction. The sparkling effect I was okay with, although it's so true what everyone was saying--the actual Meadow of Great Sparkle is so entirely shot like a sex scene minus the actual sex (I refuse to believe that was unintentional). And the stuffed owl positioned behind Edward so it looked like he had wings was lolarious. And the constant, super-dramatic closeups of Edward's eyes intensing left me in stitches. I don't know. I'm rambling now. My point is, I spent the whole movie admiring the drastic improvements from the book that I was unable to see it as a vampire movie or a teen romance movie or a movie, period--it was just, "Oh, thank God they changed that part." So I am not going to be a reliable source of criticism here. I've been working with the trees so long that I am completely incapable of seeing the forest, is what I'm saying.
I am definitely, however, capable of seeing the lulz. So I'll be getting to work now, although I doubt I could possibly have a Fifteen Minutes up before tomorrow.
(Hmm. Maybe I had more to say than I thought I did.)
P.S. Brett the Vet's favorite part was the vampire baseball. And the Cullens in general. And Alice in particular, because she is awesome.
Oh, a message "from Rob and Kristen": apparently New Moon has officially been greenlit. God save us all. But especially Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, from the fans who will be stalking the set.
OH GOD I JUST SAW THIS ON GOOGLE READER:
Suddenly, I understand why my as-yet-unchecked inbox is overflowing. Uh... welcome, readers of io9? I am one of you as well? I hope you come in peace?
ETA: Spoilers discussed in the comments.