Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones
cleolinda

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Yeah. Guess why I'm up this early. Guess.

So. I was up last night with an upset stomach, unable to sleep, so I noodled around on the "here's 100 things, bold what you've done" meme, and... let me tell you, this is the most random meme ever. It's like, have you ever twiddled your thumbs? HOW ABOUT IN THE TAJ MAHAL? So random. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to what's listed and what's not--the far-flung (Great Wall of China!) with the ridiculously mundane (owned a cell phone?)--and basically it makes me feel hugely inadequate and I feel this is not fair. I've never ridden in a gondola in Venice, but I've taken a coco taxi in Havana. I've seen Picassos in person but not the Mona Lisa. I've kissed in an elevator but not in the rain, okay? And there really shouldn't be three questions about Paris. I'm just saying. So... I kind of ended up snarking it a little. This is what happens when my tummy hurts, I guess.

1. Started your own blog
>> (Like, five of them. And a couple of websites. Easy come, easy go--I ended up settling down here. Whatever.)
2. Slept under the stars
>> (I feel like I've done this, but I can't remember when it would have been.)
3. Played in a band
>> (I really can't play much in the way of music at all. I took piano lessons for a few years, but I never learned to read music. It was my horrible secret, that I was musically illiterate. It also made piano recitals kind of hellish.)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
>> (I've been on mountains. I've never specifically climbed to the top of one.)
9. Held a praying mantis
>> (WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THIS?)
>> (A snake fell on me once, does that count?)
>> (I was like two years old. I really don't remember it. This is probably for the best.)
10. Sang a solo
>> (No, but I'd actually really like to be a backup singer.)
11. Bungee jumping
>> (FUCK NO)
12. Visited Paris
>> (NO, I HAVEN'T BEEN TO PARIS)
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
>> (Did we have to specify "at sea"? Because I've watched lightning storms and I've been at sea--LOOK, OKAY, I HAVE BEEN IN SALTY WATER--but I've never done both simultaneously. This list sucks.)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
>> (Like... what? Does "making bad icons on Photoshop" count?)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
>> (It was a really, really bad Papa John's pizza.)
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
>> (Dude, I haven't even been north of the Mason-Dixon Line.)
18. Grown your own vegetables
>> (Cucumbers and tomatoes, specifically. There may have also been peppers--I can't remember, I was a kid. I also had a nice crop of sunflowers.)
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
>> (NO, I HAVEN'T BEEN TO PARIS, OKAY)
20. Slept on an overnight train
>> (No, but I took a train to New Orleans and back. I'm sure we fell asleep at some point.)
21. Had a pillow fight
>> (Who hasn't had a damn pillow fight? More to the point, whose quality of life has been severely compromised by not having had a pillow fight?)
>> (It was not, like, a sexy bepantied sorority chick pillow fight, by the way. It was me and Sister Girl in A FIGHT TO THE DEATH.)
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
>> (WHO HASN'T DONE THIS? IT'S CALLED "LYING.")
24. Built a snow fort
>> (Actually, I think it was WINTER STORM '93, a week or so when we got like six inches of snow and all of Birmingham SHUT THE HELL DOWN, OH MY GOD, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE, WHO HAS THE MILK AND THE BREAD AND THE BATTERIES and my entire street, both parents and kids, ended up having an epic snowball fight down by the fork in the road. And then we went sledding. It was AWESOME.)
25. Held a lamb
>> (Why a lamb? If I've held a baby goat, does that not count?)
>> (I've never held a baby goat.)
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
>> (Again: coco taxi. Much faster and scarier. Suck it, Venice.)
29. Seen a total eclipse
>> (Can it be of the heart?)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
>> (WHO HASN'T DONE THIS? It's not hard! If you haven't, go outside and watch the sunset tomorrow! WHY IS THIS ON THE LIST)
31. Hit a home run
>> (Actually, the first home run I "hit," I scored it due to player errors. Many, many overthrowing errors. The second one, several years later, genuinely went pretty deep into left field.)
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
>> (This strikes me as oddly condescending for reasons I can't quite put my finger on.)
36. Taught yourself a new language
>> (I taught myself some Italian grammar, okay? And I used to know a little Elvish. Throw me a bone here.)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
>> (I actually have done this, weirdly enough--a panhandler approached me at--what was it, an Arby's?--and I gave him a coupon and enough money to cover the rest, because I wanted to make sure he really did spend it on food, and by God, he went straight to the counter and got himself a Beef and Cheddar.)
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
>> (I was at Dauphin Island, I think. I just remember us wandering up and down the beach for a while.)
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
>> (WHAT IS WITH THIS LIST AND PARIS, SERIOUSLY)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
>> (While deep-sea fishing during a lightning storm?)
>> (... No, I haven't done that either.)
52. Kissed in the rain
>> (Again: elevator. I don't get the allure of kissing in the rain, but maybe that just means I need to try it.)
53. Played in the mud
>> (I was also very fond of my sandbox after the rain. Good building texture. I just liked making mudpies and sandcakes in general, really.)
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
>> (Man, I hated selling cookies. I mean, the cookies themselves are made of rainbows and win, but... door-to-door solicitation, ugh.)
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
>> (Bought them or received them? A florist at the Western near us was just randomly handing out roses one day this summer and gave me two, how about that? And I've gotten flowers for myself just because I damn well felt like it. I don't think anyone's given me flowers--well, ever, really.)
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
>> (Can't. They won't take mine--there's a checklist they have you fill out, and for whatever reason, they didn't want me because I was on antidepressants. I don't know if our hospitals are just really picky or what.)
65. Gone sky diving
>> (HELL TO THE NO)
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
>> (No, but... my late grandfather helped liberate Dachau, I think it was?)
67. Bounced a check
>> (Sadly.)
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy
>> (Just... don't go look in the back of my closet. That's... that's where the ponies live.)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
>> (No, although I did severely sprain my left wrist after my gym teacher decided that it would be a FABULOUS idea to throw thirteen-year-old girls up on the uneven parallel bars with absolutely no preparation at all.)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
>> (Why, yes! Yes, I have!)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chicken pox
>> (I had it when I was eleven, and I had the stomach flu at the same time. I was pretty much in a calamine-scented coma for about two weeks.)
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
>> (David Sedaris, twice. Was within an inch of George Stephanopoulos. Alan Hunter a couple of times--one of the original MTV VJs; he's from Birmingham anyway. He was very disappointed that we did not have Eraserhead in stock at Movie Gallery. I feel like I must have met someone else, but... I really can't think of anyone. It would all be writery people anyway. I'm maybe the only person ever who doesn't have a single good "I ran into some famous actor/musician" story to tell. Why does my life suck?)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
>> (I'm specifically thinking of my grandfather here.)
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
>> (Lexicongate? For certain values of "involved"? Things FWers found did actually get used in open court...)
98. Owned a cell phone
>> (You have got to be kidding me.)
99. Been stung by a bee
>> (Shit, I actually went out and talked to a beekeeper at his bee... farm?... for a second-grade science project. My mother was the one who got stung that day, though. Although, yes, I myself have been stung.)
100. Read an entire book in one day
>> (I actually prefer to read books in one day and generally do. It's either one hell of a long book if I can't, or I have a lot going on that day. Maybe I just read really short books? I don't know.)

My stomach is still pretty unhappy, by the way. And I can't really sit around doing memes while trying to convince it to simmer down--I have a bunch of errands and shopping to do today, and then another podcast recording tonight.


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