And here's Sacha Baron Cohen talking about how hard the economy has been on Hollywood: "Victoria Beckham hasn't eaten in three weeks. Charlie Sheen has been forced to have sex without paying for it. [Groan from the audience.] It's true! And Madonna has had to get rid of one of her personal assistants. Our hearts go out to you, Guy Ritchie." Another OHHHHHHHH goes up in the audience--I'm not sure who I saw shaking her head and laughing, possibly Sandra Bullock.
BEST MOTION PICTURE, MUSICAL OR COMEDY
"Burn After Reading"
"Vicky Cristina Barcelona"
And... Vicky Cristina Barcelona wins. Somehow, I did not see that coming. Huh.
Okay, I'm not hitting post for one award, because this is ridiculous.
And here's the clip for Slumdog Millionaire, presented by--and I did my homework on this one--Bollywood star Shahrukh Khan and Slumdog costar Freida Pinto (very nice dress--what would you call the color, a subdued mustard?).
(Wait, is Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? really a plot point? That's fantastic.)
Cameron Diaz (in a pink one-shoulder) and Mark Wahlberg ramble on about I have no idea what before getting to
BEST DRAMATIC ACTRESS
Anne Hathaway, "Rachel Getting Married"
Angelina Jolie, "Changeling"
Meryl Streep, "Doubt"
Kristin Scott Thomas, "I've Loved You So Long"
Kate Winslet, "Revolutionary Road
Kate Winslet wins again, screaming "Oh MY GOD!" She hugs everyone at her table and also Emma Thompson (AWWWWW). She's literally (and I do not use "literally" lightly) hyperventilating by the time she's onstage: "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Meryl! Anne! Kristin! Oh God! Who's the other one! ANGELINA!" She stands up there and pants for about a full minute without speaking coherently, I am not kidding. "Thank you! Thank you! Oh, 'wrap up,' you have NO IDEA how much I am NOT WRAPPING UP." She stands there and starts heaving out names like she's relieved just to have remembered them ("Scott Rudin! SCOTT RUDIN!!"). I am really concerned about her. She might actually pass out any moment now, I'm not sure. "Leo! I'm so happy I can stand up here and tell you how much I love you and how much I've loved you for thirteen years! I love you with all my heart." Oh my God. That just happened. She then spoils it all by thanking her husband. (Hee.) And then she thanks her children and everyone else she can possibly think of before she turns blue and falls over. "Thank you so much! Thank you! So much! MY GOD!"
And here's Blake Lively and Rainn Wilson. "We're TV actors!" he says defiantly. "Let's hear it for TV actors!" And then there's some bit about the discrimination of not letting Wilson play the lead on Gossip Girl. Really, you guys, there's no way to follow up Kate Winslet having a five-minute onstage nervous breakdown. Just let it go, really.
DRAMATIC TV SERIES
Mad Men wins. I didn't really pay much attention to this because I was so busy trying to write up the Kate Winslet thing. Thank God she finally won something, y'all.