Jennifer and Patrick are getting ready to leave the hospital, that's how good the magic dubloon is. Celeste recaps that she now "knows" that Marlena is innocent and John knows who the killer is. The show does not bother to tell us what's up with that second part.
Jennifer's house. I think. It's someone's house. Julie is not impressed with the invitation to the reopening of Tuscany, which is now Bonnie's personal honky-tonk. Julie hears someone at the door, goes to open it, doesn't see anyone, there is some weird squeaking, and she shrieks and falls backwards.
Brady House. Bed. Bo and Hope agree not to argue over Marlena's guilt/innocence. Ah, the power of bom-chicka. Hope wonders why they were spared. Oh! Oh! I know this one! Is it because you two are the only decent, interesting people left on the show?
Helle House of Elevator Techno. Shawn sees Belle and Philip hugging, but leaves before Belle can get to the door. Meanwhile, Belle has dropped Philip like a hot coal, and only goes back to hugging him once it's clear Shawn's not there. Shawn mutters to himself, "Maybe it's time I move on." Credits. Degree deodorant manages to put out a a Matrix-homage commercial right when nobody cares about the movies anymore. Good job. Someone declares that if you're not eating Hidden Valley, you're not eating ranch. Well, considering that I'm eating not only Kraft but sun-dried tomato vinaigrette at this very moment, I'm going to give you a thumbs-up on that logic. But just this once.
Brady House. Hope hopes that Belle and Shawn work out. Cut to Helle Kewpie. Philip tells Belle to relax. Once again, Belle points out that one of her parents is the serial killer, so Philip can stuff it. He still manages to coax her into eating. Belle sighs over a picture of Shawn. Cut to Shawn muttering to himself. He tries to knock on her door, but can't. Commercials.
Jennifer's house. Patrick, Lexie, and Celeste walk Jennifer to her door. They find Julie sprawled on the floor inside, unconscious. Commercials.
Brady House. Hope checks on their younger kid, the one I keep forgetting they have. Bo gives Hope a shoulder-rub. The phrases "You know exactly what I need," "Don't stop," and "Harder" are uttered.
Helle's Belle. Belle can't finish, so Philip whips out the fortune cookies. Belle's fortune: "You are loved by two, but only one can have you." Belle hopes it isn't about her parents breaking up over her, because she is stupid. Philip pulls the "You have a secret admirer. I admire you" line. We cut to commercials, but I hope that when we come back some tiny ray of light will have dawned in Belle's brain, because Philip could not be coming on to her any harder if he were trussed up in Hershey's syrup and Saran Wrap.
(Yeah, y'all just chew on that image for a while.)
Jennifer's house. Jennifer is freaking out (way to go, Julie. Always with the sending Jennifer into premature labor). Julie wakes up and starts shrieking and waving at something that isn't there. Ahh, here we go: she was attacked by a giant flock of badly computer-generated bats. They tell Julie about Marlena being "innocent," because holding her hand and reading her mind is a foolproof detection technique. Julie starts to impugn the character of Jennifer's housekeeper, who is Bonnie Lockhart, who is Patrick's mother. Julie seems skeptical that Patrick is such a great help around the house. I hate Bonnie, too, but I wish she'd deal with her vendettas on her own time, because she's getting really self-righteous about them. Commercials.
Brady House. Bo and Hope are arguing, basically, over who's more meant for each other, Belle and Shawn or Bo and Hope--holy crap, is this a flashback to Bo and Hope as kids? Is that how long they've been on this show? Heh, they're arguing about whether they're schmoopy old folks now and Hope protests, "Let it be known that you are FAR older than me." Then they have a pillow fight. No, for real.
Helle's Belle. Belle is cleaning up and whinging about Shawn. So clearly she didn't get the Philip clue. Mimi calls and asks Belle to come over and make up with Shawn. Belle refuses; Mimi asks to talk to Philip. She instructs Philip to bring Belle to
Jennifer's house. Jennifer tells Julie about the magic dubloon. Julie is uber-skeptical. On her way out, she snaffles the invite to the restaurant reopening. Meanwhile, Celeste's gone all trancy again, and she says it has something to do with Patrick. She asks to see the magical death's head dubloon, and he's all like, "NO!" Whoa, there, simmer down.
Jennifer's house. Celeste talks about traveling with Stefano and tells Patrick that Lexie is his daughter. Patrick seems taken aback by this--I guess he knows who Stefano is. He manages to get out of showing her the coin, though, and exits to his garage apartment. Celeste decides to investigate Patrick further.
Brady House of Bom-Chicka. Phone: it's John. John claims he's bringing in the killer. Rrrrright.
Preview: John's bitching out someone in his car who has red fingernails. Shawn tells Belle that John's found the killer and therefore Marlena is innocent. Except that we saw Marlena kill everyone from Tony forward. As for the Faux Killer, my money's on Crazy Jan, personally.