I won't bore you with all the detail shots, but there are more in the gallery.
We also had a gatecrasher at one point:
"What is that hellbeast?" Bad Cat turned around and glared at him. "GOOD GOD, ONE OF THE CATS OF QUEEN BERÚTHIEL!"
"Honey, that's not..." Bad Cat turned around and glared at me. "Yes. Yes it is."
Back upstairs, scenes from a Shelf:
From the Mouths of Babes
"Why is she so mean to him?"
"She's not being mean, exactly. She's just got... dignity."
"Well I guess dignity's stupid, then. I talk to boys. Unless they're cowards. Or sneaks. Then I punch them in the teeth."
"HUMANS KNOW VERY LITTLE OF DIGNITY. BEARS, HOWEVER, UNDERSTAND ITS IMPORTANCE. MINE, FOR EXAMPLE, WOULD BE IMPROVED IF I HAD ARMOR."
In Which Faramir Is a Little Insecure
"Get the man some pipeweed. He's gonna need it."
Fugagorn loads Faramir up a pipe. I have no idea where they keep this seemingly endless supply of pipes and tobacco ("tobacco"?), and I'm not sure I want to.
"I just don't understand... is she still hung up on..." He kind of looks back and forth between the two Aragorns. "...you?"
Helm's Deep Aragorn holds up his hands. "I just got here, don't look at me."
"We... we did have a problem for a little while."
"Well, that's it, then. I'll never be as impressive as a future King of Gondor."
"Please," says Aragorn, nodding at Fugagorn, the Fug of Men. "If he can get a girl, you can get a girl."
"But apparently I can't --she wouldn't even shake hands. My brother, now, he was always valiant with the ladies..."
I think we're going to be here a while.
Guilt is a useless emotion
"You know, I feel terrible about all this--it's all my fault, I shouldn't have said anything at all--"
"Gladdy, really, it's okay--"
"And now they're both unhappy--"
"You were just trying to help, I know--"
"I was trying to break the ice!" She laughs, a little wildly. There's a joke about cold shoulders that I just can't bring myself to make.
So Early in the Morning
"I can't BELIEVE that this is all she's talked about for MONTHS--get her a man, ANY man--and he gets here and she TURNS HER NOSE UP, WHAT THE FUCK."
"Well, you don't want to look desperate, I understand that."
"Talk to me about desperate after you've spent six months at sea. You'd be surprised what you can't do with a drunken sailor."
In Which Everyone Is a Little Insecure
"You know, let's try to think positive here. You've got a bow and a really, really nice sword--"
"I also have a really nice sword."
"Yes, Aragorn, you do," I say, turning back to Faramir. Fugagorn looks down sadly at his crooked sword. "And you have a great cloak--"
"Yes, but the hood makes me look like an elf. Like, not a glamorous elf... a Santa elf."
"Well, yes, but that's why we'll just keep it down. It's great to store your extra hands in. And you have those really detailed bracers--"
"I have bracers too, and they have the White Tree on them, and--"
"Yes, Aragorn, YOU DO."
Fugagorn, who does not have any bracers at all, blurts out, "I--I have a patch on my coat! Which is authentically travel-stained!"
"So is mine!"
"Yes, but you can't take yours off!"
"And you have your tunic with all the fancy lacings, Faramir, and the green belt with the silver tippy thing, that's pretty awesome--"
"I have a belt, too--"
"But it doesn't tie and untie--"
"I have chain mail--"
"I HAVE A ROLL OF FELT!"
"WE ARE ALL VERY SPECIAL SNOWFLAKES, OKAY? GOD."
First Things First
"Have you killed anyone?"
"A number of brave men, actually, whose only crime was to fight for those who deceived them."
"Good. I like you."
Catching Up with Old Friends
"So I see you've left the monastery."
"Yeah, the pension plan was pretty bad. I thought you were dead?"
"Nope, feeling pretty good."
"Not as lethal as you'd think."
"Well, I got better."
Everyone else stares at them in complete WTFery.
"Yeah. That's how I feel all the time."
(More from the Secret Life of Dolls.)