Not!Tuscany. Bonnie puts Julie on the mechanical bull knowing that it's broken; Rex saves her when she falls; Julie starts strangling Bonnie.
Chez Kiriakis. Nicole blah Brady blah gimme my cell phone blee.
Hospital. I. Heart. Hattie Adams. This is Faux!Marlena, and Deirdre Hall is having the best time playing her. "Keep an eye on her," says John. "Keep an eye on THIS," she snarls. Exhibit B: John drags out some Stefano henchman that all the characters recognize, but I don't. Longer-term viewers may know who he is. Biederbick, or something. Henchman is explaining how Hattie was made into Faux!Marlena. This whole show seems to have jumped the track since Friday--I feel like there's a whole show we missed or something. Like, the preview indicated that we would see John in the car with someone with red fingernails, but the show starts with him bringing Hattie in. Julie wasn't at Not!Tuscany when the Friday show ended. Oh, and it looks like Stefano isn't dead.
Wait a minute... You know, now that I think about it... I think I forgot there was a show on Good Friday, because I spent most of the day thinking it was a Saturday. So I didn't actually see the Friday show. Oh. ("I feel like there's a whole show I missed," she says.) That would explain a lot.
(Anyone want to fill me in? Comment section is yours.)
Not!Tuscany. Julie and Bonnie catfighting. Mimi chews out Bonnie.
Hospital. Lexie is strangling Henchman in an attempt to find out if her father is still alive. Henchman says he hasn't actually seen Stefano. Oh, and Hattie blurts out that she loved Roman more than Marlena did, and she says Abe was "a good tipper," and that Kate was "a lousy waitress, and she NEVER KNEW THE SPECIALS!," and Philip went to the Hudson Street Diner too, and... okay, this makes more sense. I forgot where John found her, and I heard "good tipper" and started thinking "strip club" and then, "Really, does Lexie need to hear this?"
After commercials: Sami charges Faux!Marlena and tries to strangle her. Faux!Marlena shrieks, "Not my nose! Not my beautiful, expensive nose!" Interestingly, once they pull Sami off her, Faux!Marlena hits the plate of donuts on the counter, gobbles one down, and starts beating the counter in joy. "These! Are! So! Good!" Which is interesting, because that's exactly what "Marlena" did when she killed Alice and went off with her homemade donuts. Faux!Marlena starts shrieking about going wacky at a fat farm.
So. Bo points out that Real!Marlena threw John out of the penthouse, Marlena confessed, Marlena fell off the balcony. Henchman wants to put in his "two cents," and Bo is like, "Shuddup." And then Faux!Marlena starts hammily choking on a donut and clutching her chest. Commercials. I am supposed to be revising on a deadline here, people. But I can't. Look. Away.
Not!Tuscany. Bonnie brings Julie a drink. Julie offers to let Bonnie wear it. Bonnie decides to drink it herself. More bickering. Bonnie and Mimi argue. Mimi and Rex go home. I wish we could go with them rather than stay in the hellhole of Not!Tuscany. Julie tells Bonnie in her arch patrician tones that "I calls 'em. The way. I sees. 'Em" and tells Bonnie that Salem ain't big enough for the two of them.
Hospital. Sami shrieking. Lucas points out that if Real!Marlena is cleared, it's because John went and found Faux!Marlena. Sami awkwardly goes up to John and says, by way of reconciliation, that they should go tell Real!Marlena what's happened. I heart Lucas.
Shawn and Belle go to the roof. Jan follows them. Shawn says he thinks someone followed them. Philip busts in and tells them that he saw someone follow them. They can't find anyone. Jan is grinning like she's accomplished something. Shawn apologizes to Belle, but Belle says he has a right to be angry, but he feels terrible now that Real!Marlena is apparently innocent and blah blah blah whatever. Shawn: "The nightmare is over, and we still love each other." Jan: *tear*. She slips back inside.
Not!Tuscany. Not!Mickey asks both women to stay. If I gave a shit what Not!Mickey thought, this would mean something. Julie seems to agree with me on this one. Bonnie bats her lashes and says she would like to try: "Mickey and I like to think positive." Julie's eyes roll out of her head.
Mimi wails that Rex could not possibly want to stay with her now. Rex tells her that she's adorable. I don't know about that, but I like Mimi. Given my most recent friends-locked entries, it's not really all that surprising that I'd like someone desperate to get away from her batshit family. Anyway.
Belle and Shawn on the Roof of Sad Love. Gran loved Belle, etc. Shawn wishes on a star; Belle guesses that his wish was to finally get a shower and get out of his nasty two-weeks-of-show-time clothes. Hee!
Marlena's room. Bo shoves Fauxlena into the room. John apologizes to the unconscious real Marlena. Sami runs out in tears. Lucas runs after her and demands, "Dammit, let me hold you." Holding ensues. Back in the room, Fauxlena pops a new piece of gum and prescribes some bronzer for real Marlena, stat. John hustles Fauxlena out, and Fauxlena starts shrieking, "What is this, a reality show? Who's the real Marlena? I know! What do I win?" John tells her that she wins an all-expenses-paid trip to the pokey. Bo starts to mirandize her ("No frickin' way!!"), and Fauxlena fires a wad of half-chewed gum onto his forehead. Out to commercials.
I love this show so much right now that I'm afraid this is only a dream one of the characters is having. Please let all of this be real. It is too, too funny to give up.
Somewhere. Jan comes home and starts looking through her pictures of Shawn. Something about pictures of... Will? She has pictures of Victor? Wait a minute, is this a new actress? She looks amazingly like Old!Jan, but with 500% less whining. Seriously, I noticed Jan's acting was better on the roof. For real, major kudos to the casting office if this is a new actress, because she fooled me for 55 minutes.
Roof of Sad Love. Much making out.
Hospital. Fauxlena has a grammar crisis ("There's only one thing lying in your way! ...Or should I say laying in your way...? ANYWAY"). Fauxlena insists that she cannot tell a lie, and she is innocent. And that Roman would have been happier with her, and that John ended up with the "bad seed," and that she can prove Marlena is the real killer. We fade out on a shot of the killer mask juxtaposed behind unconscious Marlena.
Preview: Apparently Fauxlena comes up with something pretty compelling, because Sami starts shrieking again, and Fauxlena snaps, "Back off, blondie! I feel a hairball comin' up!" (Heart. Heart. Heart.) In his office, Bo says that "she" will be tried in a court of law. The grimness with which he says this suggest he's speaking of Marlena. Oh, and Belle and Shawn are on the outs again. Dammit, I have to get back to my deadline.