Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones
cleolinda

Oscars, part 3

So apparently, this is the "narrative" they're going to take us through: the creation of a movie. Which is a lot less cracktastic than I was afraid of. You know, except for that Best Supporting Actress bit they just did with. So we're starting with no music, no frills, and just The Screenwriter--so we see on screen the show being written as a script, read by Tina Fey and Steve Martin, writing about how stunned and thrilled the audience is to see them. STOP GOING SO FAST! Every page began as a tree, which began as a seed, which was placed here by the alien king Rondelay! "Aw, Steve, no one wants to hear about our religion," says Tina Fey. OH SNAP.

So we have clips from the Best Original Screenplays, and Fey and Martin narrate the accompanying script excerpts. Okay, I really like when they do stuff like this, because I like when they show the audience how much was actually described there on the page to start with. You know, it's not just a transcript of dialogue there.

Best Original Screenplay

Frozen River (2008): Courtney Hunt
Happy-Go-Lucky (2008): Mike Leigh
In Bruges (2008): Martin McDonagh
Milk (2008/I): Dustin Lance Black
WALL·E (2008): Andrew Stanton, Pete Docter, Jim Reardon

Winner: Milk. Dustin Lance Black talks about living in a Mormon family (I think this is what he says?) and Harvey Milk's story giving him hope to be who he is and live his life and maybe even be able to get married one day, and he dedicates the award to young gay people, assuring them that they are beautiful, and promises them that someday they will have federal rights across the country.

And then, the next award, Steve Martin stops mid-spiel, turns to Tina Fey, and announces, "DON'T... fall in love with me." I don't know.

Best Adapted Screenplay

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008): Eric Roth, Robin Swicord
Doubt (2008/I): John Patrick Shanley
Frost/Nixon (2008): Peter Morgan
The Reader (2008): David Hare
Slumdog Millionaire (2008): Simon Beaufoy

Winner: Slumdog Millionaire. Holy shit--you know, I said somewhere that I wanted the show to run faster and you know what? I was wrong. I was so very, very wrong. I can't keep up with any of this. In fact, I honestly heard very little of the opening number because I was laughing too hard. So I despair of even trying to transcribe Beaufoy's speech. I will say, however, that I really like Tina Fey's dress.

Please welcome! Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black! Jack Black is giving the camera crazy eyes. Jennifer Aniston mentions that animation is making them all obsolete, and Jack Black says that he actually makes more money doing voices--he does one Dreamworks movie a year, and then he takes all the money and bets on Pixar at the Oscars. ~EPIC SNAP.~ "I'm so sorry, Mr. Katzenberg," says Aniston, putting her arms around Black. "I don't know why we let him out of the house."

Let's have a montage! This is the only context, by the way, in which Space Chimps will ever appear on an awards show.

Best Animated Film

Bolt (2008): Chris Williams, Byron Howard
Kung Fu Panda (2008): John Stevenson, Mark Osborne
WALL·E (2008): Andrew Stanton

Winner: WALL·E. Jack Black: "YEAH!" Stanton thanks a teacher for casting him in Hello Dolly!, while Peter Gabriel, who will not be performing, as I understand it, gazes on.

Short film! Short film is more difficult to win because you have less time for your panda to win America's heart. Aniston: "Did you watch anything this year that you weren't in?" Black: "... No. But then, neither did anyone else." Aniston: "Well played, Mr. Black."

Best Animated Short Film

Maison en petits cubes, La (2008): Kunio Katô
Ubornaya istoriya - lyubovnaya istoriya (2007): Konstantin Bronzit
Oktapodi (2007): Emud Mokhberi, Thierry Marchand
Presto (2008): Doug Sweetland
This Way Up (2008): Alan Smith, Adam Foulkes

Winner: "La Maison en petits cubes." I have no idea what Kunio Katô is saying, except that every sentence begins with "Thank you," and the last thing he says (grinning) is, "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto." I am not making this up.

Next up: another montage!


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Tags: awards, liveblog, movies, oscars, tv
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