Pre-production is over, Jackman informs us, and it's time to start shooting. Please welcome! Natalie Portman in strapless lavender pink and Ben Stiller in sunglasses and a Joaquin Phoenix beard! Philip Seymour Hoffman and Steven Spielberg snicker in the audience as Stiller rolls his head around... oh God, this really is an extended Joaquin Phoenix parody, isn't it? "What's going on?" asks Portman. "I just wanna retire and stop being a funny guy," he mumbles. "You look like you work in a Hasidic meth lab," she says. "What are you going to do?" "I could... be a cinematographer," he mutters. "Good luck with that," she says. And then they're showing the film clips and the audience is laughing through them at Stiller--the camera pans out and we finally see that Stiller's wandering aimlessly around the stage. It's both hilarious and horrible, to be honest.
(Also, we happen to see Frank Langella sneaking back to his seat right as they announce the winner.)
Changeling (2008): Tom Stern
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008): Claudio Miranda
The Dark Knight (2008): Wally Pfister
The Reader (2008): Roger Deakins, Chris Menges
Slumdog Millionaire (2008): Anthony Dod Mantle
Winner: Slumdog Millionaire. "Thank you, Ben, Natalie," Anthony Dod Mantle says. "That was very... inspiring." You know, we can kiss the nominated actors' asses for ten minutes straight but technical awards are treated like massive jokes. I mean, go with Epic Seriosity or Doing It For the Lulz, but pick one.
Anyway. Still waiting on that short film.