Today: Fauxlena did it all for Roman! ALL FOR ROMAN! John eyebrows her. Commercials.
Crazy Jan, Better Actress: Enter Nicole. Tek is a problem--he found Crazy Jan's fingerprints in the mansion. Nicole: "TELL ME you do not have a criminal record." Crazy Jan: "Oops."
Hospital: Henchman Bart babbles about something--no longer living in the lap of luxury and getting to play "naughty chambermaid and cranky master." Bo shuddups him. Fauxlena claims that she has airtight alibis for each murder. The assembled cast is shocked, shocked! Commercials. (If you've missed the show recently and would like to see Fauxlena for yourself, apparently she's in the featured clip at the official site.)
Chez Crazy: Nicole is pissed that Crazy Jan has a record. What for? "Remember that time Mimi and I put those nude pictures of Chloe on the internet?" Uh, that's a new one to me. But Crazy Jan was only seventeen, and so her prints aren't on file. Nicole is relieved. I cannot tell you how much more credible Crazy Jan is as an accomplice now that she is played by A MUCH BETTER ACTRESS PRAISE JESUS HALLELUJAH. Also: Crazy Jan has quite the spread--her father's house, or something. Covered in pictures of Shawn Brady. "You have no idea how amazingly amazing he is." God, I love this actress. Nicole's looking for the evidence, but Better Actress Jan is onto her game, oh yes.
Hospital. Where was Fauxlena? In Europe. "Having my face done, Tonto!" she snaps at Bo. Then she got an infection--"FROM THE SURGERY!" she adds. So she was in the hospital getting another skin graft, and couldn't have been killing people.
Chez Crazy. Arguing.
Hospital. There's something that will prove Fauxlena's innocence that Fauxlena doesn't want them to know. Henchman Bart plunges ahead: Fauxlena was in jail. For shoplifting. And she just tonight got out. Bo verifies it. Sami shrieks.
Chez Crazy. Nicole agrees, after some arm-twisting, to help Crazy Jan with "Shawn's room."
Hospital: Bo points out that if Fauxlena's innocent, Marlena's got to be guilty. Sami gets her shriek on. Fauxlena claims she is a virgin. Laughter is heard across the nation. (Henchman Bart: "That was more information than I needed.") While everyone is processing the fact of Marlena's guilt, Fauxlena makes off with "the last of the Horton donuts" to sell them on eBay. Commercials.
Chez Crazy. Crazy Jan reveals the Shawn Room. "I don't believe it," gasps Nicole. We don't get to see it. I'm imagining S&M gear, myself.
Hospital. Sami with the shrieking. John comforts Helle's Belle. My TV blacks out for a couple of minutes. Bo tells Hope that he's got enough to arrest Marlena and try her in a court of law (this is what we saw in the preview).
Chez Crazy. Uh, apparently welding is involved? "Shop was my best class." I don't know what she's doing, but it's DIY, whatever it is.
Hospital Roof of Sad Love. And now Belle's lie is morally wrong again, now that Marlena is guilty again. (I love the moral relativism they have going. "Well, if she's guilty it's bad that you lied. If she's innocent, the same lie is A-OK!")
Marlena's room. John kisses the hand of the unconscious Marlena. Enter Bo and Hope to arrest Unconscious Marlena.
Sami's apartment. Sami freaks out and starts tearing John's face out of all of her photo albums.
Chez Crazy. HOLY FUCK. Crazy Jan has built a scary giant cage around the bed in the Shawn Room that looks like it was art-directed by Tim Burton's people.
Sami's apartment. More with the shrieking. Lucas manages to bring Sami down from Murderous Rage to Hysterical Tears. She still believes that John killed Roman and now wants to kill her mother. God, I have never seen anyone so in need of a good lay. "You can't see love even when it's staring you right in the face," Lucas says tenderly. Atta boy.
Marlena's room. Bo handcuffs Unconscious Marlena to the bed. That is so pitiful. John kisses her hand and Marlena wakes up: "Why did you do this to me?" Uh, because you killed nine people?
Roof of Sad Love. Angry. Sorry. Bitter. Sorry. Exit Belle.
Hospital. Hope: "Poor Sami." Well, you're a bigger person than I, babe.
Chez Crazy. Crazy, Crazy Jan walks around the Love Cage stroking the metal to a sad, sad song on the soundtrack. Cut to Belle walking sadly away from Shawn and Shawn looking at his promise ring, and then to Sami ripping out pictures of John and crying... and hugging her teddy bear. Now Lucas thinks about going into her apartment but turns away (dude, you were just in there). He goes back to his own. God, I hope the kid is with Kate or something. Cut to John sighing over Marlena, then to Bo and Hope embracing. And then... to Marlena's shifty face.
Preview: Whoa, Bo's had a haircut. Hope tells Belle to fight for Shawn. Marlena asks John for help proving her innocence. Ghost of Grandma Alice "has news" for Celeste. That don't sound so good.