Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones

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Oh, why the hell not?

So I had some time to kill while I was waiting on multiple batches of cookies to bake (another thing for Mom's work), and starherd sent me a spare pack of those Twilight conversation heart candies, which I had said I should just go ahead and review. You know. For science! Besides, a different movie site writes about these every two weeks and then everyone sends me the link so, you know: The Official Discussion of Nasty-Ass Colored Chalk Candy. Let it be so.

Note: I would be more than happy to do this with candy or merchandise from another fandom (I still kind of regret not getting the Pirates of the Caribbean cereal, actually). Except Bertie Botts' Every Flavor Beans. I ain't tastin' no earwax candy. My dedication only goes so far, people.

The pictures do not do the box itself justice--I had a really hard time getting a shot with accurate color, which is important because poor RPattz looks like he wants your braaaaaains, not your blood. Here's the best I could do with color correction:

Because when I want to sell you candy, I think "greenish leper."

These are the only legible hearts in the entire package. Yes, the whole thing. But what do they say?

"Does that say 'lame'?"

"No, lamb-- "

"What was lamb?"

"Mom, you saw the movie! You know! The part with the lion and the lamb and--"

"Ohhhh, the part that was so bad."


I like how they give you both "TRUST ME" and "I TRUST YOU" (asked and answered!). "U R MY LIFE" needs a "LOL" at the end, though, I think.

How about the taste? (Note: Orange and purple ~*sparkle*~. Or kind of look like they've come down with a metallic rash. Whichever, that's cool.)

Secret Strawberry: Ever so vaguely like strawberry bubblegum. Not bad. Wouldn't fight you for it, but I wouldn't turn it down, either. Actually, I went back to this one after I'd tested the other three.

~*Orange Obsession*~: Very distinctly orange (I mean, considering that it's a bland, chalky candy). Kind of a popsicle-type orange. "Sparkles" are only on the outside, however.

~*Passion Fruit*~: Suggestive of grapefruit and something else, I can't tell what--a touch of raspberry (maybe that's the sparkle)? I don't know offhand what passion fruit tastes like, so I can't really judge. Would not eat again.

Tempting Apple: So vaguely, vaguely red that you can hardly tell it apart from the strawberry. (Ah! Here's the secret: it's red once you take it out of your mouth.) (That's what she said.) (I'm sorry, I won't do that again.) Tastes like it's thinking about being apple-flavored, maybe tomorrow if we feel like it. Kind of tastes like a little Passion Fruit got mixed in, I don't know. Wait, there's the apple flavor, I'm kind of getting it now. Wouldn't eat this again either.

Of course, I've never liked conversation heart candy--not to eat, anyway; I've always felt like their true calling was to be craft supplies. In fact, you know what? I think I've got some of those Dove chocolates around here somewhere to wash out the taste. You know, the ones with the little feel-good messages in the wrappers--"Chocolate feeds your soul!" or whatever. Yeah. Good times. Good, non-chalky times.

Also, cryptic communication: Thank you, hakojo! I think it'll show up in the next installment. : )

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Tags: candy, conversations with my mother, for science!, mail, my mother, om nom nom, sparkle motion, twilight
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