
"Except for the part where he's ice-cold."

"Literally. I thought you said he looked sweaty?"

"Again: literally, with the marble-like hardness."

"OHHHHH GOOOOOOOOD--"

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOD--what?" But I remembered then--in the books, the werewolves (redolent of dog) complain that vampires smell "sickly sweet," which leads to a bunch of romantic-rival territory-marking on Bella, and really, I don't want to contemplate it again right now. (Edward's Actual Vampire Smell As Smelled By Other Actual Vampires is "lilac, honey and sun." Between this and the twinkling, sparklepires were apparently created in a market lab for the clientele of a Claire's Boutique.) The Ellowynes had never mentioned it, but--well, I guess the Ellowynes had never been interested in poor Little Edward, had they? Did Tonner Edward smell sweet? Had they ever gotten close enough to tell?
"Hey--when the big one was talking to you and all, did he smell like anything?"

And yet any similar complaint she had had about The Littlest Edward had vanished. "So... you really don't find the big one the least bit attractive?"

"Yeah, but... so does your Edward."

O... kay. Well, I'd been hoping to flip her switch, and apparently we'd flipped it good and proper.
So whatever disdain she felt for Tonner Edward was still going strong (passing by, he stopped in the doorway to glower at her longingly. "Ew, there goes THE CREEPER again," she said). And I could see it in his face: he already knew what had passed between The Littlest Shelfians. There was no way for him not to find out, really--even if he had not spied and eavesdropped on purpose, even if he had minded his own business and covered his super-hearing ears, the mind-signals were coming off The Littlest Edward were way too strong.
Speaking of whom, Little Edward was snarfing down cotton balls as fast as he could go when I checked on him a few minutes later (I made a mental note to add a fresh bag to the grocery list). That was something I hadn't considered--I'd thrown him at Little Bella without stopping to see if his tank was full, so to speak, and then she'd gone and flung herself at him on top of that. Seriously, that was probably the first time he'd even touched a girl's hand. No wonder he'd run like hell when she'd jumped him.

And now, here came Tonner Edward. Fantastic.

The Littlest Edward threw down his cotton and for a moment I thought they were both going to drop into the Predator Crouch, but instead they strove in thought for a few moments, with a little light snarling thrown in.



Another long moment of glare-off, and Tonner Edward left the scene, confident that he had gotten under his rival's
She got on her hands and knees and peered down at him in bogglement, a puff of flour on her cheek. "You smell like butter," he gasped, clutching the metalwork at the table's edge. "Unsalted?"












And, so help me, Our Hero surged forward and kissed her--I wouldn't say "hard," exactly, but pretty emphatically for a clueless little hundred-year-old virgin. And then he fell off the tableshelf.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Rather than climb back up, though, he bid his adieux, the parting and the sweet sorrow and so on, and ran off--leaving me to make excuses for him, since Bella obviously wanted to know what the hell (well, "heck") he had to do that was more important than making out. I checked my watch: ah. Chow time at the Sparklerosa. But it was not my place, I decided, to tell her about the ponies. I mean, God help us all when she did find out--hell, when they found out.
"Well, you know. He's probably got vampire stuff to do. I mean, you know... it might be really hard--it might be really difficult for him to kiss you and all, what with the being tempted by your floral tastyblood. And, you know, he was born in like 1901 or something. He doesn't know how to do modern dating stuff, or... talk to girls at all, really. I mean, you were there; you know."

"... Yeah. So you gotta give him some time to acclimate."
I went over to the Sparklerosa to check on him, where he would surely be pitching grass to his beloved ponies with a divided heart: the Temporary Ranch Hands of Gondor clapped him on the back and congratulated him on

"Um, THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS--"

"No, it's NOT. She's not territory to mark, okay? I am not having that alpha male shit--"

But Tonner Edward was never quite the same afterwards.
(More from the Secret Life of Dolls; fan community)


← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →
← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →