Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones

This is your blogger on wine

So last night we finally decorated the tree that we got last weekend--the first thing you have to understand is that Christmas is a BIG THING in my family. Not in a religious sense--in a We Are Going to Decorate the SHIT Out of This House sense, and I love it. Of course, I loved it double-plus verygood when my mother opened a bottle of wine ("@cleolinda: Bottle of wine WOOOOOOOO"). I sucked down two glasses before she'd even made a dent in one ("@cleolinda: Second glass of wine WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"). Y'all, I need to drink every night. For real.

But before we get to the picspam, I will relay unto you a story Sister Girl told while she and her friend J. and I were in the kitchen afterwards: "YOU HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT THIS." (J.: "You haven't told her this yet? Oh, you gotta tell her this.") This past Monday, Sister Girl was minding her own business, working at Panera, you see, walking behind the registers carrying whatever it was wherever she was going--

"You stand there, okay?" she says, sending me to the other side of the kitchen counter, the side with the bar stools. She's on the far side of it now: "These are the registers, and you're the guy. That's how close I was--three feet away. So I'm walking past, and then... I just stop dead and stare at this guy. Like, I look away, and then I look back" (she is acting out a slack-jawed double-take) "and he knows I'm staring at him, and I don't even care. So finally I get going again and I go over to Kevin all like 'LOOK AT THAT GUY. NO NOT RIGHT NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, RIGHT BEHIND ME, LOOK AT THAT GUY. LOOK AT THAT GUY. LOOK AT THAT GUY. IS THAT--IS THAT THE GUY FROM TWILIGHT?' And he says, 'Oh my God, I think it is.' 'BECAUSE YOU KNOW I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT TWILIGHT, BUT I THINK THAT IS THE GUY.' And then I went and got Brittany and was like 'LOOK OVER THERE NO NO OKAY RIGHT NOW LOOK OVER THERE' and she's like 'OH MY GOD IT IS TOTALLY THAT GUY!' "

"Did he have, you know--the profile?" I'm thinking we're absolutely going to clear this up when she ends up admitting, Well, no, kinda, not really--



"AND HE WAS TALL AND HE HAD THE HAIR! Well, the hair was a little short but you can cut hair, right? And he was a little shorter, but people always end up being shorter in real life, right?"

"Well, actually, I've heard people say that he's taller, but sure. What did he order?" I asked, because I'm thinking that whatever the answer is, it's going to be the cherry of absurdity on top of the whole sundae.

"I have no idea." 

"That's right, you were walking past the register. Did you hear him say anything?"

"I honestly couldn't tell you. It was like--I couldn't hear sound anymore."

"So... you were dazzled."

"Heh. Yeah. Heh. I kind of don't think it was really him, though. He wasn't--nice." My sister doesn't care about Twilight, but she is a movie and book Cedric Diggory fan. "He's supposed to be really nice even to the crazy people, and this guy was kind of pissed off."

"Well, I mean, you can see why, if everywhere he goes, people think he's That Guy. He needs to wear a nametag. Like, HELLO, MY NAME IS Martin, or something. Of course, imagine if you're actually Robert Pattinson, and that is your life--people [slack-jawed double-take face] everywhere you go, every second of every minute of every day."

Sister Girl and J. nod soberly, although they are still perplexed as to how This Guy (as opposed to That Guy) managed to look so very much like him, because it was, like, HIM, except 0.999~% not, and J. decided that he was (ominous tone) THE PATTINSON DOPPELGÄNGER, which I personally feel is the best book title that Robert Ludlum never came up with, but there you are.

"It could have been, though! Actual Jim Caviezel came in last month!"

"What? Jesus came to Panera?"

"YES!  Brittany got a picture taken with him! Oh, but this guy the other day, he was there with some girl, but they left their table pretty soon, because everyone was staring."

"Was she brunette?"

"...kinda? She was pissed off, too."

Well, now we're back in business. "Did she fall down?"

"Heh, no."

"Well, that rules out fictional characters coming to life, then."

So apparently there's a guy in Birmingham who shares a good bit of Robert Pattinson's genetic code, and he is really, really pissed off about it. Leave him and his bread bowl in peace if you see him, y'all.

Moving on! A Tannenbaum picspam expanded from LIVE ON THE SCENE Twitter posts last night:

@cleolinda: - Favorite childhood ornaments

Additional ornaments: I think I've had the mouse since preschool. Right: The bear that broke into a million pieces when I was five,
and that my mother then painstakingly glued back together, because I cried so much.

@cleolinda: - They will never, ever let me forget that I bit Big Bird when I was three

@cleolinda: - Melissa is 25 years old

Do you have a pink lobster on your tree? Yeah, that's what I thought

@cleolinda: - My nested glass bells

@cleolinda: - Mountain-climbing Santa

@cleolinda: - My favorite star

@cleolinda: - The Twelve disordered Days of Christmas

Fiiiiiiiiive gooooooold rinnnnnnnngs

@cleolinda: Aaaaaand three ornaments got broken.


@cleolinda: - The hummingbird in happier days, an hour ago

The pink hummingbird is survived by its mate, the green hummingbird

@cleolinda: - Scout enjoying the Christmas tree

@cleolinda: - I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE

And finally: the tree before (with only lights) and after (with about half of our decades-old ornament collection on it):


(Zomg e-book! The Annotated Movies in Fifteen Minutes: Wizards!)

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Tags: chez cleo, christmas, conversations with my sister, holidays, picspam, sister girl, twilight
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