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Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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A bit of movie news for you all:

From Roger Ebert: Eric Rohmer, 89, wise humanist, RIP. One of the founders of the French New Wave.

Spider Man 4 Scrapped; Tobey Maguire & Sam Raimi & Cast Out; Franchise Reboot Planned; Sony Rebooting Spider-Man in 2012! So... by "reboot," do you mean do the origin story and kill Uncle Ben off all over again? Because I'm sure audiences will sit through that all over again less than ten years later, and--when did the last one come out? Like, five minutes ago?

That said, the scramble in Young Hollywood to grab the newly-vacated roles will be something to see.

(Malkovich confirms Vulture role in Spider-Man 4. Yeah... about that...)

James McAvoy Shoots Down 'The Hobbit' And Ian Fleming Biopic Rumors. 

Stuart Townsend Ditches 'Thor' Over "Creative Differences."

@cleolinda: RT @hollywoodcrush: 'Twilight' Author Stephenie Meyer Reportedly Against Splitting 'Breaking Dawn' Into Two Films

@cleolinda: @Cleolinda Reportedly Against Any 'Breaking Dawn' Film Being Unleashed Upon A Defenseless World
I thought it was Stephenie Meyer's insistence in the first place that Breaking Dawn had to be two movies just like Deathly Hallows omg, so I don't know what's going on here. All I have to say is--you keep on fighting that good fight if it keeps this movie from happening. Seriously. I don't think my embarrassment quick can take it.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn could start shooting this fall, with a Renesmee who may end up "being a full CG creation, but it also may be a human shot on a soundstage that then is used to shrink down." I just--I can't even articulate how I feel about this, except it involves a lot of "Uncanny Valley, oh God" and "Somehow, James Cameron is responsible for this and must pay for his crimes" and "do not want do not want DO NOT WANT."

Rumors of Taylor Lautner's demise somewhat incorrect. Not that I'd blame him for trying to fake his own death at this point.

(Someone asked me if it was true. Without even having to do any fact-checking, I replied that it couldn't be, because Twitter and ONTD would be on fire.)

Via maudelynn: Woman Married To Fat, Emotionally Distant Vampire Escapes Into 'Twilight' Novels. The second photo caption is where I fell over.

Meanwhile, any time I feel cranky (LIKE RIGHT NOW), I go back and look at Twilight retold in lolcats. I know it's old (even the sequel is a bit old by now), but the "I AM HATES U (fer some reason)" pic and the reaction shot right after "I luvs u" kill me. What kind of cat is that, anyway? ETA: Pallas cat! So much want.

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I sort of want them to make Breaking Dawn. It will be a deliciously horrifying trainwreck. OH SMEYERS, LOOK UPON WHAT THOU HAST WROUGHT!

is it a Pallas cat? they're a housecat-sizes wildcat, and they're OMGCUTE.

OH GOD THE HORROR. I misread your first link and thought that Roger Ebert was dead and had a moment of epic flail. His column a few weeks back about not being able to eat anymore was sad enough.

I am almost literally PRAYING that they somehow inexplicably decide that Uwe Boll should be the director of Breaking Dawn.


That would be so awesome, it might be enough to make me watch it.

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so, this Breaking Dawn movie... they're not going to actually film the birth part, right? With the... biting, and the spine-breaking and everything? Because... well, this movie might have to be X rated, if they do. And that would pretty efficiently eliminate most of their target audience.


I want to see it staged just like they did with John Hurt.

That odd-looking cat you asked about looks like a cross-breeding between an Egyptian Mau (the only "spotted" domestic cat) and a long-haired grey tabby.

Egyptian Mau

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I can't tell what would be more horrifying- Renesmee played by a real kid or a CGI Renesmee.

I'm also torn between longing for the lulz that the Breaking Dawn film(s) would bring upon the world, and fearing the traumatizing consequences of the birth scene.

A CGI, uncanny valley Renesmee would be so terrifying... I kinda want it to happen.

No, no. I really want a Breaking Dawn film. I don't want to see it; god please god no. But there is absolutely no fucking way to disguise the horror in film; in the books MAYBE if you are delusional and fourteen you can pass it off as romantic but Breaking Dawn: The Spinesplosion or the epic romance of I'm Gonna Fuck This One Day cannot be disguised by any amount of editing. It's perfect. An entire fandom will die in one day, and where else will you ever see that happen?

the epic romance of I'm Gonna Fuck This One Day

Tea, meet monitor.

Dude, how does Stuart Townsend even make movies anymore? He left LOTR back in the day over 'creative differences' and one other movie since then, can't remember which, but I really wish Hollywood was as over him as I am. Yeesh.


Two words...

Charlize Theron.

Every time I hear about the Breaking Dawn movie, I go into an almost painful giggle fit. I just can't even imagine how it could possibly ever work on any level. I feel like it will traumatize the entire world and/or melt everyone's faces off like at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. I just wish they would stop, but I know they won't, and it makes me so uncomfortable.

Okay, we need to begin a campaign to get David Cronenberg or Quentin Tarantino to direct the Breaking Dawn movie. Seriously.

I would so pay for a Tarantino-directed Breaking Dawn. There would be gleeful popcorn munching like in every single gif that ONTD breaks out when something hilarious happens.

Funny how ontd is like... the one entertainment site that counts now.

When I hear rumors I do the same thing: first stop ontd.

That, and Twitter. Pretty much every major death of the last six or eight months, I've heard about first on Twitter, for example.

Why are they insisting Breaking Dawn should be split into two movies? Nothing happens in the first act except Bella's pleas to be sexed. That's one scene. Most of Jacob's POV can be cut, and then the EPIC battle is over before it even starts. They expect four hours out of that?

I know, right? I could get the wedding over by the end of the opening credits. This isn't like Harry Potter, where there's so much plot-rich detail that you can't stuff it all in. This is one pound of plot in a ten-pound bag.

Is that vampire story a hoax? At first I thought, 'oh haha, that's a funny FAKE story', but actually, when you think about the world today... somehow it doesn't seem so far fetched. Nothing is impossible. She might really think her husband is an 800 year old vampire. HE might think that. I don't know. It baffles me.

ANYWHO, question being, is that just a joke the writer thought up or is it a "real" story?

Sorry if I sound like an idiot.

It's from The Onion, which is satire.

I have got to remember to look at URLs before reading. I read the "fat emotionally distant vampire" story and was halfway through it going "WTF? What nutjob wrote this crap like it's real?" before realizing it was The Onion.


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