Please welcome Harrison Ford, star of that upcoming movie that kind of looks like it belongs on Lifetime! "Thank you." He's here to introduce a clip from Up in the Air. He is speaking very slowly. I'm not actually saying he's stoned. I'm just reporting the facts here, people. Gervais is back, and he just made some joke about Sir Paul "spending a lot of money last year," and the audience make a low rumble of disapproval. I'm not sure what this is about? Wasn't his divorce the year before? I can't remember. Cher and Christina Aguilera, who are "shamelessly promoting Burlesque. " They're fairly conservatively dressed for Cher and Christina Aguilera, to be honest. Be moar shameless! Ah, Sir Paul is nominated in this category, there you are. Oh, so is U2! "The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart )" wins, which I find interesting--normally the Globes go for pretty big names in this category, so if this wins without a big name, it probably has a pretty good chance at the Oscar. Best Score! YAY MICHAEL GIACCHINO! It's for Up, but I just like him, period. He does Lost and did Star Trek and the Delightfully Overwrought Monster Opera for Cloverfield. "I can't believe Paul McCartney just said 'Go Michael.' I don't even have anything else to say. That is like the best thing in my life." Aw. I gotta tell you, I am feeling a little woozy right now, and I'm not even drinking. Here's Amy Adams (in dark forest green--she's pregnant, I think?) and Josh Brolin (the latter from Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps. Really? That's the best name they could come up with?) Whoa, what the hell was that clip from Georgia O'Keefe? Sweet mother of pearl, that WAS Jeremy Irons. I just went and checked the IMDB and it WAS and in the clip he was FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE against William Hurt's beard. Terrifying. Best TV Miniseries or Movie: Grey Gardens . P.S. I don't know what Jessica Lange has been doing to her face but it makes me sad. The orchestra starts playing even before the second producer starts thanking people, and they're already pretty loud by the time she pulls out a list. Like, seriously, they are trying so hard to play her off and she's just. not. going. God bless. It's Tom Hanks! He's on Twitter at @tomhanks now. I hear he signs all of his tweets as "Hanx." Again: bless. He's here to present a clip from Julie & Julia. In the clip, a saucepan spontaneously attacks Amy Adams. I don't even know. Gervais: "A serious bit now." Oh, good luck with that. Short version: award shows are srs bsns and they break down stereotypes, like Gervais' least favorite, the drunken Irish hooligan. "And now, Colin Farrell." I clapped like a SEAL. Farrell: "I specifically asked Ricky to introduce me, and then I thought, oh, balls." I don't even know what this category is, I'm too busy clapping. Colin Farrell kind of has bangs and kind of doesn't, it's weird. Meryl Streep is "selfishly" nominated twice in this category! I like her red lipstick. Thank you for watching Short Attention Span Theater. Meryl wins for Julia! GET YO DRINK ON, GIRL. There's a "WOO!" in the audience. "I wanna change my name to T-Bone. T-Bone... Streep." (Toothy laugh from Julia Roberts.) "I... I'm gonna forget what I wanted to say... I'm overwrought... darn it... what was my first part... I love Nora." Then she thanks ~STANLEY~. Like, that's how she says it (Tucci, who played Julia Child's husband in the movie). "I understand that I am the vessel for other women's stories," she says. I think. I'm getting behind on my typing. "I am really honestly conflicted as to how to have my happy movie self in the face of what's going on in the world." So her mother's voice tells her, she says, shoot some money over to Partners in Health and put on a happy face and go do her thing. I want to be like Meryl Streep when I grow up.