Kristen Bell and Some Guy! Oh! I think it might be someone named Chase--that would be Chace Crawford, I guess. Why is it that I specifically don't know who any of the guys are? Best actress in a TV drama. Aw, why so sad, Rose Byrne? I love you. Huge cheer for Jane Lynch from Glee, but Chloe Sevigny wins. She is conservatively dressed in exuberant taupe ruffles. She wants to share this award with her sister-wives. No, I am serious, she actually says that--Jeanne Tripplehorn and Ginnifer Goodwin on Big Love. She laughs hysterically that someone ripped her dress? I'm not sure.
Gervais, drinking on stage. "WOOOOO!" from the audience. "Calm down, calm down. We're on the home straight." Next presenter! "In Catwoman, she used the power of being able to... wash herself all over. Please welcome, the very clean Halle Berry." I think she's wearing black? Maybe with some gold in it? I can't tell because I'm having to look at the screen to type and things are going SO FAST? Best supporting actor in an actual movie: Christoph Waltz from Inglourious Basterds. William Hurt's massive beard approves. I am not even kidding, they cut to his beard for a reaction shot. I am beyond even trying to figure any of this out. Also a reaction shot from Harvey Weinstein, who has something of the air of a predator in wait. Look, I'm just telling you.
Oh sweet Lord, it's the Cecil Bathroom Break DeMille Award--oh shit, it's for Martin Scorsese, I can't leave! Robert De Niro jokes that he and Scorsese go around giving each other awards. "He eats, sleeps and sweats film. I hear there are even videos on the internet of him having sex with film." Cut to Scorsese with a "Well... can't deny it" look on his face, and then he starts laughing. And then De Niro starts describing what said sex video might look like AND IT IS THE MOST DISTURBING THING EVER. I don't ever, ever want to hear De Niro purring about hot upside-down irresistible 35-millimeter film EVER AGAIN. NOT OKAY. (Also, I had to fact-check whether you spell it De Niro or DeNiro, and the right answer is not the one I was expecting.)
Leonardo DiCaprio is also there but he doesn't say anything disturbing. P.S. I am really excited about Shutter Island.
It's a montage! Let's have a montage! Everybody loves a montage! In fact, there are several montages. I'm not sure why we keep coming back to the theme of Sexy Tiem in the Works of Martin Scorsese, but there you are. YAY IT'S CLIPS FROM SHUTTER ISLAND. I'm truly not sure why they're giving him this award, though--like--why now? He's gotten so many, and he did finally win the Best Director Oscar, and he's still putting out really vibrant work so he's not one of those very elderly types they gently lead out to receive a final laurel, so... it seems like just another drop in the bucket, is what I'm saying. Was anyone unaware that Martin Scorsese is awesome, and that he currently continues to be awesome?
I have time to ponder this, by the way, because Scorsese is giving a film studies lecture. God bless.