By the way, who the hell has a televised awards show on a Saturday night? You couldn't have done this tomorrow?
So traditionally we start off with the "I'm So-and-So, and I'm An Actor" speeches, and I always run around desperately trying to transcribe them, and it never works. (Ooo, Joan Allen looks great, and Tina Fey looks a lot better this time. Christina Applegate's dress is beautiful light blue color. There's Justin Timberlake, who was one of the Damn Incognito Hat guys on the telethon last night. I am... not sure about Anna Paquin's ensemble.) In sixth grade, John Krasinksi's first performance as Daddy Warbucks with hair was a firestorm of controversy. Edie Falco grew up in Hawaii and is now the leader of the free world... wait. Jeff Garland's IMDB Star Meter is up 8% this week. Sofia Vergara has "a crazy accent" (her words, not mine). Sherri Shepherd used to sleep outside Michael Jackson's house. I don't even know. Jeremy Irons is awesome. They're all actors. The end.
Justin Timberlake and his bow tie "welcome everyone to the party" (does this mean there is booze?OH YEAH Y'ALL I AM SEEING SOME TABLES); Kate Hudson is in long-sleeved, backless white. Male actor in a comedy! You know, sometimes I wonder how these clips get chosen. Tony Shalhoub splashing water in his eyes does not say "AWARD!" to me. Also? Charlie Sheen is nominated for a show with a laugh track, which finally made me realize how little these are actually being used nowadays. Alec Baldwin wins for 30 Rock and hugs another Baldwin on the way up--the cute one, it looks like. "I'm really happy to get an award from Justin Timberlake, but I'm really, really happy to get an award from Kate Hudson." He is very proud to be a member of this union (UNION! UNION!).
It's Diane Kruger in orange with Christoph Waltz! Don't like the color, but the dress is fab. Waltz goes to town on the word ensemble. Wow, this is a really in-depth explanation of Inglourious Basterds. They must really not be worried about going over time. Anyhoo! It's a clip! A montage without any dialogue! Well, maybe that's why we took a trip to the Department of Backstory, then.
Anna Paquin and Simon Baker. (I love her hair, but BOOBS. SHE HAS THEM AND THEY ARE THERE. It's impressive in a J. Lo kind of way.) Ooo, Toni Collette's dress looks awesome from waist up. Tina Fey bites into a breadstick (on purpose) as the camera turns to her, and has to put it down in a hurry when she wins. Wow, that dark blue that's maybe kind of purple looks great on her. "This is great! Every time they play [the theme song] my husband gets fifteen cents! I'd like to thank my acting teachers, because I actually did have some!" Also, she would just like to reassure NBC that "WE ARE VERY HAPPY." Commercials! The hitting of post!