Please welcome! The Penelope Cruz Consolation Crew! Seriously, I would have loved to have seen their reactions backstage. Marion Cotillard, Nicole Kidman, and Kate Hudson, with Cruz in black. I have to tell you right now, I LOVE Nicole Kidman's dress. I'll have to find a picture of it, it kind of reminds me of a mosaic on top, but it's mostly gold. Cotillard is in a short, cream-colored feathery thing--normally she shows up in some kind of ballgown, so that's interesting. (Yes, they are here for Nine.)
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME MERYL STREEP. Sadly, I think she is sober. I... like the cut of her dress (long sleeves, deep V-neck), but... this is another pattern (green and white) that's hurting my eyes. Best actor! Wait, where is--oh, wait, that's right, Christoph Waltz got supporting actor a while back. Jeff Bridges wins, with a standing ovation. Yeah, just go on and etch his name on the Oscar, I think. "WHOA! This is a heavy thing!" It's like a big family and whoa it's like, it's like, it's like a big family and his mom was good at that, and he loves being an actor and getting into the shoes of other folks... "Please wrap it up?" On the side of the stage, you hear T-Bone Streep go, "Don't do that!" "You did the best one!" he says, referring to the Globes. Heh. The Dude continues to abide for about ten more minutes and makes sure to thank every acting teacher he's ever had, it's awesome.
P.S. His wife is in dark blue.
Ladies and gentlemen! Please welcome! Warren Beatty! Best actress! Helen Mirren's clip is awesome, by the way. "You are a stone-hearted BITCH of a daughter! I lost five children! WHY COULDN'T ONE OF THEM HAVE BEEN YOU?!" Sandra Bullock wins. Really, the acting categories are not the least bit in doubt this year, are they? "Oh... if only this were not televised, so I could use the appropriate words for what I am feeling right now... Hi. I am Sandra Bullock, and I am an actor." She thanks the Guild and the director and the cinematographer ("If you saw what I looked like in the morning and what I looked like onscreen...") and a passel of costars. Also, her husband: "You dress up in monkey suits for these things and I leave you there and I come back and you've got Morgan Freeman's email, I don't know how you do it! I love you so much, and you're so hot, and I want you so much!"
Ladies and gentlemen! George Clooney! He did an episode of The Golden Girls in 1987? He thanks Betty White for "her discretion." "A friend told me that she was a bobcat in the sack. She just sat down, she's going to come hit me. By the way, I don't like Jeff Bridges either." Best ensemble! Big cheer for Precious--but the award goes to Inglourious Basterds, who the announcer-not-host (can I just say that I didn't even notice we didn't have a host until someone pointed it out?) says is sixteen actors strong. Eli Roth takes the mic and thanks Quentin Tarantino on the cast's behalf, and how Quentin Tarantino gathered them all from Ireland and Austria and the Fangoria convention, and how your vote is a vote for Quentin Tarantino, and basically they are in love. Thank you, and good night!