Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
FYI
rapunzel trinascharthyman
cleolinda
I hate not posting regularly, but I'm not doing so well this week. It's just a bad week. First of all, poor Sam has somehow hurt his foot--one of his back right toes is swollen about twice the size of the others. This made him sad.

Sam recuperates on Twitpic He sleeps. on Twitpic


We took him to the vet and they gave him an X-ray (I do not even want to contemplate how much that cost), but it's not broken. So I don't know what he did, but he hurt it. And it didn't seem to be getting better, so on Monday (I think it was?) we took him back to the vet, and they put a boot on him. We've just managed to keep it from abscessing, so we're going to have to take him back for regular follow-ups.

Sam has a boot for his little hurt toe on Twitpic HAY GUYS on Twitpic


So now he's frisking around on three legs, holding the hurt foot up as he goes, happy as can be. It's the saddest, funniest thing you've ever seen.

Meanwhile, I've been feverish for a few days, and even managed to have one of those dried-out-sinus nosebleeds. Coughing a bit as well. Spent much of Tuesday in tears, just... because. I don't know. It probably doesn't help that the 13th is the twelfth anniversary of my father walking out on us. Various members of my family have been in contact with him; I have not, nor has he shown any interest in contacting me. I have no interest in ever seeing him again. It's a long, complicated story, but it was more acrimonious than your usual divorce/family breakup, and at one point involved the FBI. So. No interest in seeing him. But you still have this sinkhole in your life, in your psyche--even if you understand that he's an ass, you sit there and ask yourself why you don't have a father, any father at all, who cares about you. Look, I've been thinking about this for twelve years; even I'm sick of it at this point.

The one benefit to this was that I took Valentine's Day in stride for a number of years, because after your father has walked out 1) on Friday the 13th, 2) the day before Valentine's, 3) five days before your mother's birthday, it gives you some perspective. The good news is that twelve years has gotten me just about as "over" the whole thing as I'm ever going to get--I'm mostly philosophical about it now, in other words, although occasionally I threaten to punch him in the face if I'm ever put in the same room with him. The bad news is that now I have enough mental energy to start getting depressed about Valentine's Day again. I love Valentine's Day. It's one of the three Aesthetic Holidays, as I think of it, the other two being Halloween and Christmas--holidays where just the atmosphere and the decorations and all the trappings are kind of awesome. It's hearts and flowers and chocolate, y'all! Yeah, it's overcommercialized, but so is everything else, so whatever. You take the stuff you like and you ignore the stuff you don't. And I've never had anyone to spend Valentine's Day with. Never. Which is the fun part of Valentine's Day. And I'm finally over the whole walking-out thing enough to feel sad about it again.

I'm just kind of tired of life at this point, is what I'm saying. I don't mean that in a scary way. Just a "curled up on the couch with a low fever" kind of way.

Meanwhile, let me re-run a shortened version of what I posted on Tuesday, from rachelmanija: "helptheproject is to benefit the Virginia Avenue Project, a free after school arts and academic mentoring organization in Los Angeles.... The auction has some really cool items on offer, including gift boxes of local treats from all over the USA, home-made baked goods, fanfic and fanart, and signed books and/or offers to name a character after you by Sarah Rees Brennan (The Demon's Lexicon), Elizabeth Wein (The Winter Prince), Sarah Monette (Melusine), N. K. Jemisin (The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms), and many more, including yours truly."


Site Meter

Poor, wee, sam. Bless.

I will share my valentine's day candies with you. xo

I do usually manage to get hold of some chocolate. I just have this childish longing to get it from someone male else.

Hope you and Sam feel better soon!

Yeah, it's overcommercialized, but so is everything else, so whatever. You take the stuff you like and you ignore the stuff you don't.

I like this. I need to remember!

I just love valentines, you know? I don't buy into this "Every Kiss Begins With An Overpriced Blood Diamond You Have To Buy If You Don't Want To Sleep On The Couch" stuff, nor should anyone else. There's plenty of stuff you can do that's fun and personal and meaningful to you. I just don't have anyone to do it with. Woe, emo tear, etc.

Warm healing fuzzies to you and Sam.

No interest in seeing him. But you still have this sinkhole in your life, in your psyche--even if you understand that he's an ass, you sit there and ask yourself why you don't have a father, any father at all, who cares about you. Look, I've been thinking about this for twelve years; even I'm sick of it at this point.

Word to all of this only it's been 40 years for me. Mostly my life is amazing despite the bullshit and I'm blessed with a wonderful husband and beautiful son. But I think of my father and think, well, wouldn't it be nice if my kid had a grandfather? And then I think, unfortunately, the grandfather he has is an asshole and it's better to just stay away. And it's sad but it's not my fault and I just have to move on and live my life. So many hugs going out to you from someone who understands.

On a cheerier note, Valentine's was always an awesome holiday in my family (my second configuration of my family with my stepdad). We'd pile into my parents' bed in the morning and exchange boxes of candy and gorge on chocolate in our pajamas. It ruled.

You're the first person I've met that admits to liking Valentine's Day. Me, I'm not fond of pink but I also don't have anything against it, but hey, I'll take chocolate anyway, anyday. :)

I hope you and Sam feel better soon.

awwwwwwwww poor Sam! Hope he feels better soon.


And you, sweetie. You're on my mind a lot.

Oh, cute fluffy little doggie! I hope he gets well soon, poor baby.

Our cat spent the evening recuperating from having had major dental work that morning. My, that was interesting. (Who are you, and what have you done to my sweet cat?!)


aww, Sam is so adorable.

My 16 year old itty bitty Dachshund has been gimpy for about 6 years now. She hobbles around quite cheerfully on three legs. (the fourth is just kinda spastic. When she really gets running, she goes in a diagonal. It's the most adorable sad thing ever.

My grandpa's got two dogs with bad back legs. One was accidentally shot and just LEFT there by an asshole hunter (grr...) and the other managed to catch a car she was chasing and had to have a back leg amputated below the knee. Now the neighbor's puppy comes over to play with them, (these are country dogs, if that wasn't obvious before) because my grandpa's house is the cool neighborhood hangout for children and dogs. Now the puppy has started to mimic their limps, because, well, that's the way his PACK walks and by God, he's gonna do this right. HILARIOUS.

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. :( It's messed up how holidays can turn from this lovely thing into reminding you what you don't have right now.

Completely randomly I had a dream this morning that I ran into you and you invited me over. I was excited about seeing The Shelf in person and noticed one of your new doll sets. A glow-in-the-dark Kardashian family! The only Kardashians I ever see are on Go Fug Yourself, so who knows how I recognized them. :)

Huh. Sinusitis is acting weird this year. Maybe it's a new terrorist strain. Maybe it comes from Chinese pigs.

Swinusitis.

Happy early Valentine's Day, Cleo!! I received this in my email today, and I thought you would like it!

LOST Valentine

(Hurley is my favorite.)

Edited at 2010-02-11 05:43 pm (UTC)

I NEED A BIGGER VERSION OF THIS STAT. :DDDD

Well as well as being sick for the last couple of days ( including a awful case of gastro for the last 24 hours), I totally understand the dad thing.
My dad and I had the most twisted hate/ hate/love/ hate relationship, which was only further complicated by the fact that he died in a work accident 15 years ago. And I still haven't resolved it.... I think yeah I have gone over it so many times that I give myself sleepless nights and migraines, but 'suppose there will always be that missing part that I get really angry/ jealous about when I see other 'normal' families.
I had someone for 2 valentines days ( hell I had 2 kids to him), but even though I'm an absolute sucker for all the romance, the most I usually got from him was a unwrapped box of chocolates WITH THE PRICE STICKER STILL ATTACHED (yeah I still have issues with that), and a card which would talk about how we'd been having issues lately, but yeah hey have a good Valentines Day.???????????? Which is why I left him while I was 2 1/2 months pregnant with our 2nd child.
So I'm cuddling my 2 cheeky babies for Valentine's Day, but yeah I wish there was a guy who thought I was a goddess.

Sad hurting Sam is so very pathetic (in the "inspiring the feeling of pathos" sense). Glad to see him happy again in the second set of pics. Cute little dogs should be happy. Cleolindas should be too.

I hope that you feel better and are able to enjoy this holiday fully.

But you still have this sinkhole in your life, in your psyche--even if you understand that he's an ass, you sit there and ask yourself why you don't have a father, any father at all, who cares about you.

And like me, you have I'm sure a very good stepfather, and like me you also have him set into a very different mental/emotional niche than the hallowed Daddy Niche, and you're grateful but it's just not the same. And I would like to fix this for both of us, I seriously would. *sigh*

Awww, poor Sam. :-( Hope he and you both feel better soon.

?

Log in

No account? Create an account