Aaaaaand here's the Wall o' Lampshades again for Pedro Almodóvar and Quentin Tarantino and a meh joke about Almodóvar not understanding a word of QT's films.
Best foreign language film of the year
* "Ajami"(Kino International)
An Inosan Production Israel
* "El Secreto de Sus Ojos" (Sony Pictures Classics)
A Haddock Films Production Argentina
* "The Milk of Sorrow"
A Wanda Visión/Oberon Cinematogràfica/Vela Production Peru
* "Un Prophète" (Sony Pictures Classics)
A Why Not/Page 114/Chic Films Production France
* "The White Ribbon" (Sony Pictures Classics)
An X Filme Creative Pool/Wega Film/Les Films du Losange/Lucky Red Production Germany
Winner: El Secreto de Sus Ojos. Wow, that's kind of a double upset--I had it down to Un Prophète and The White Ribbon. "And I would like to thank the Academy for not considering Na'vi a foreign language." LAWL. "It's a little difficult in English, it's a little slower--NO! COUNTDOWN!" STOP IT, MUSIC PEOPLE!
Please welcome! Some randomly unfunny joke about Alec Baldwin's Oscar nomination and Kathy Bates with an Avatar clip! Because Titanic, get it? They have her note that Avatar is, in fact, the largest grossing movie of all time. You only get to play that card once, hoss.
Commercials! But we will hold on for a moment. The Wall o' Lampshades ascends back into the ceiling, presumably to belly up to the bar, or maybe hit the restrooms. Have a Long Island for me, Shady.
Best Actor nominee montage! I am confused because no one is introduced to explain it to the Ladies and Gentlemen. Please welcome! Way too many damn people! Shit. Michelle Pfeiffer, Julianne Moore, Vera Farmiga, Colin Farrell, and Tim Robbins! Ahhh, like we did the other year, the one-on-one tongue baths. But only for lead actors this year! No one gives a shit about you supporter guys! Pfeiffer and Jeff Bridges shared a makeup artist on The Fabulous Baker Boys who painted capillaries on his face instead of covering them up. Also, he's been married a real long time. Vera Farmiga is very ruffly and intimidated by having to be Clooney's love interest but also wants to cozy up to the crinkle in his humanitarian eye. A fantastically fantastic foxy fox! So dreaaaaamy! I'm just telling you what she's saying here. Julianne Moore was in A Single Man with Colin Firth and only worked with him for three days and he exceeded all her expectations and most people at home in America have no idea who he is. She didn't say that, I did. It's Mark Darcy, people! He blows a little kiss at her. Tim Robbins was in The Shawshank Redemption with Morgan Freeman, "who told me that 'being a friend is getting the other a cup of coffee. Can you do that for me, Ted? It is Ted, isn't it?' We became so close..." Colin Farrell was in SWAT with Jeremy Renner, and they had a great time "on that trip to Mexico, which I wish I remembered more of... we shared a bed, I think we shared a pillow... and before the rumors get started, it was just spooning." Also, his nomination "was so well deserved, brother. So... good luck, Jeremy" (two thumbs up). AW.
Please welcome! Kate Winslet! "The great thing about this award coming so late in the show is that there's no need for me to do anything." I... okay then.
Performance by an actor in a leading role
* Jeff Bridges in "Crazy Heart" (Fox Searchlight)
* George Clooney in "Up in the Air" (Paramount in association with Cold Spring Pictures and DW Studios)
* Colin Firth in "A Single Man" (The Weinstein Company)
* Morgan Freeman in "Invictus" (Warner Bros.)
* Jeremy Renner in "The Hurt Locker" (Summit Entertainment)
Winner: Jeff Bridges! Standing ovation! Colin Farrell's gonna have a talk with you later, man. "Thank you! Academy! Memberrrrrs!" He waves his Oscar at the ceiling: "Mom and Dad! Look! Thank you, Mom and Dad, for turning me on to such a groovy profession." And then he giggles. I think I saw some tears in Maggie Gyllenhaal's eyes, which was sweet. He just digs being dug, man. Some ten minutes later: "Raise your hand, man! YEAAAAHHHHH!" And there's Morgan Freeman in the front row, chin sunk down on his chest, glaring at him. I'm going to assume that's President God's screensaver face. Or maybe he's just irritated that the orchestra isn't playing someone FAMOUS off. ASSES. But anyway. Enjoy it, Dude.