Performance by an actress in a leading role
* Sandra Bullock in "The Blind Side" (Warner Bros.)
* Helen Mirren in "The Last Station" (Sony Pictures Classics)
* Carey Mulligan in "An Education" (Sony Pictures Classics)
* Gabourey Sidibe in "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire" (Lionsgate)
* Meryl Streep in "Julie & Julia" (Sony Pictures Releasing)
Please welcome! Sean Penn! He never officially joined the Academy, even though he won, which I think usually gets you in pretty automatically! But he will start fresh tonight with the Academy! Why are we talking about Sean Penn? I do not know. Winner: Sandra Bullock. Yeah. That happened. Y'all. I love her. I love her so much, and she's been so much fun on the awards circuit. But for this? Over those other four performances? Over Sidibe and Mulligan? I just... that happened. "Did I really earn this, or did I just wear all y'all down?" Then she turns to Sidibe and says that Sidibe's talent and beauty makes her sick (in the best way possible), and she tells Meryl that Meryl is "such a good kisser." I... I think I missed something. (Okay, rewind. She said, "I love you, Gabby," then the talent and beauty bit to Mulligan, and the kissing thing was a reference to the SAG Awards. People, it is hard to type, watch, listen and think all at the same time.) "I thank everyone who was mean to me... George Clooney threw me in a pool years ago..." And then she thanks the mothers "who take care of the children no matter where they come from." And then she tears up and thanks her own mother "for not letting me ride in cars with boys until I was eighteen, because I would have done what she was afraid I'd do," and for making her practice the piano, and for being a trailblazer, and thank you to these extraordinary women, and something about her love for Meryl Streep. I love her, I really do. I'm genuinely happy for her. I just. Yeah.
Please welcome! Barbra Streisand! Ohhhhhhhhh, Barbra Streisand was nominated for directing Prince of Tides. (ETA: Oh, wait, she WASN'T, that was the whole big thing about that.) Tonight, the director could be, for the first time, "A WOMAN," she intones disdainfully (as if to say, that shouldn't be the only way to think of Kathryn Bigelow), or African-American (Lee Daniels), or one of three directors who wrote their own movies. I don't know that that's actually a first, is it?
Achievement in directing
* "Avatar" (20th Century Fox) James Cameron
* "The Hurt Locker" (Summit Entertainment) Kathryn Bigelow
* "Inglourious Basterds" (The Weinstein Company) Quentin Tarantino
* "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire" (Lionsgate) Lee Daniels
* "Up in the Air" (Paramount in association with Cold Spring Pictures and DW Studios) Jason Reitman
Winner: "Well, the time has come." In the audience, Bigelow makes a face like she wants to believe it, but she can't. SAY IT, WOMAN! "Kathryn Bigelow!" AMERICA, FUCK YEAH! "There's no other way to describe it... it's the moment of a lifetime." She sounds like she can't breathe. She thanks her fellow nominees, and the Academy, and Mark Boal, the writer, who has tears running down his face, and her cast, and dedicates the award to the men and women in the military who risk their lives all around the world. Cameron's in the audience shaking his head--affectionately, it looks like. For those of you just joining us, he and Bigelow were married way back in the day, but have been friendly for a long time and even worked together since, and he's been vocally rooting for her the entire season. Which, in contrast to all the King of the World tyrant-director shit he's pulled, is really nice.
Please welcome! Tom Hanks! ALL RIGHT LET'S GET DOWN TO THE BUSINESS. "The last time 10 movies were nominated, it was 1943 and Casablanca won. And the winner is The Hurt Locker." Seriously, he doesn't even pause. Cameron hugs Boal out in the audience. The three main actor guys are leaping and hugging onstage. UP YOUR PONYTAIL, CATPEOPLE!
Best motion picture of the year
* "Avatar" (20th Century Fox)
A Lightstorm Entertainment Production James Cameron and Jon Landau, Producers
* "The Blind Side" (Warner Bros.)
An Alcon Entertainment Production Nominees to be determined
* "District 9" (Sony Pictures Releasing)
A Block/Hanson Production Peter Jackson and Carolynne Cunningham, Producers
* "An Education" (Sony Pictures Classics)
A Finola Dwyer/Wildgaze Films Production Finola Dwyer and Amanda Posey, Producers
* "The Hurt Locker" (Summit Entertainment)
A Voltage Pictures Production Nominees to be determined
* "Inglourious Basterds" (The Weinstein Company)
A Weinstein Company/Universal Pictures/A Band Apart/Zehnte Babelsberg Production Lawrence Bender, Producer
* "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire" (Lionsgate)
A Lee Daniels Entertainment/Smokewood Entertainment Production Lee Daniels, Sarah Siegel-Magness and Gary Magness, Producers
* "A Serious Man" (Focus Features)
A Working Title Films Production Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, Producers
* "Up" (Walt Disney)
A Pixar Production Jonas Rivera, Producer
* "Up in the Air" (Paramount in association with Cold Spring Pictures and DW Studios)
A Montecito Picture Company Production Daniel Dubiecki, Ivan Reitman and Jason Reitman, Producers
Bigelow is still shaking. After a lot of producer talking (what? I'm typing here), she dedicates this award as well to the armed forces. Martin and Baldwin each help Bigelow hold up one of her Oscars. Also: "This show took so long that Avatar now takes place in the past." And then, as the credits roll, they show Ben Stiller in his Na'vi makeup again, and it is just as terrifying the second time around. You know what else is terrifying? Summit Entertainment: the home of Twilight and this year's Best Picture. There's going to be no living with them now.
ETA: New Iron Man 2 trailer, hot off the truck.