Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones
cleolinda

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Cleoism

deoridhe has announced the creation of Deoism. Really, I think establishing one's personal religion is a good idea--I'm not saying the purpose of Cleoism would be to worship myself, but rather to say, "Here's what I believe in, and I figured it out for myself rather than had it dictated to me."

Cleoism and Deoism overlap in a few significant ways. Such as:

1) Killing other people is usually a bad idea.
2) Taking other people's stuff isn't a good thing to do.
3) When you say you're telling the truth, you should tell the truth.

And so on.

However, I also have a feeling that Deoridhe is a gentler non-deity than I am. As yesterday has proven, thy Cleo can be an Angry Cleo. Therefore, I have seen fit to ennumerate the principles of Cleoism so that others may escape my holy wrath:


  • Thou shalt worship thine own God as that God commandeth, and put no other before thy God, because thy Cleo does not wish to be struck by lightning.


  • However, thou shalt worship thy Cleo with chocolate on the appropriate occasion.


  • Thou shalt be excellent to each other, or thy Cleo shall SMITE THEE.


  • When the door of thy Cleo's room is closed, thou shalt not open it without requesting permission, yea knockfully.


  • Nor shalt thou steal her magazines, particularly before thy Cleo has had a chance to read them.


  • Thou may'st friend or unfriend thy Cleo on Her Livejournal as thou wish'st; thy Cleo is not an anal freakshow.


  • Thou may'st freely express thy opinions, but must not be offended if thy Cleo freely expresseth her own.


  • Thou shalt also remember that the First Amendment prohibits the American government, and no other, from repressing your freedom of speech, and not the freedom of others to insult or disagree with you.


  • Thou shalt not find "feminist" to be a dirty word, or thy Cleo shall SMITE THEE, YEA VERILY.


  • Thou shalt not type like a speed-addled crack monkey, OMG H4LL3LUJ4H!!1!


  • Thou shalt spell, punctuate, and capitalize correctly, for thou art not ee cummings, nor art thou the Second Cummings.


  • If thou dost not know how to spell a word, thou shalt look it up. If thou dost not know the answer to a question, thou shalt at least Google it first. For thy Cleo saith: It's not that hard, people.


  • Thou shalt not cap an insult with a smiley face, for it fooleth no one, Captain Passive-Aggressive.


  • If thou hast been mistaken, thou shalt say, "Oh, that was dumb. Sorry about that, let me fix it" rather than defend thy idiocy to the death, or the White Sea shall rise and smother thee, and perhaps the littlest armadillo as well. Wilt not thou think of the littlest armadillo?


  • But yea! Do not weep, for the littlest armadillo has risen.


  • Thou shalt not troll, neither shalt thou flame. Thou shalt bear all wanking with good humor, because otherwise thou shalt be mocked twice as long. Really, 'tis in thine own best interest.


  • Thou shalt not mock thy Cleo for her atrocious taste in music, which verily she already knoweth is bad.


  • Thou shalt not hold up "high culture" to the exclusion and detriment of pop culture, for thy Shakespeare wert thine ancestors' pop culture. Untighten thy sphincter a bit, snob.


  • Thou dost NOT get a trophy just for showing up, kthnxbai. P.S.: Quit thy bitching.


  • Thou shalt not boast to thy Cleo that poetry.com hast "published" thy work and expect thy Cleo to fall down with admiration.


  • Thou shalt not steal someone else's work and then boast to thy Cleo that poetry.com hast published that, either.


  • Thy Cleo hast written the word, and the word is good. Okay, the word is not that good. Constructive criticism is welcome, yea verily.


  • Thou shalt procrastinate mightily, for thou art human, and thy best work emerges from the desperation of deadlines. Hosannah.

Glory Hallelujah, Praise the Deity of Thine Own Choice, World Without End Until Thy Cleo Think'st of Something Else, Amen.
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