cleolinda

I find that when I'm at funerals I don't bother to try to show those "appropriate" feelings that other people do unless I actually feel them. Which says nothing whatsoever on how I feel about the person who died. I buried a friend recently, and I got a little teary at most during his funeral, but a day later when I was home with my husband I cried like nobody's business. You just feel what you feel when you feel it, and that's that.

Had I a glass of something, I would raise it in honor of your great-aunt and the amazing woman she helped raise.

Glad to know you're much better now.

Speaking about Pallas cats - I didn't see that one in your collection yet. Enjoy.

http://pya.cc/pyaimg/pimg.php?imgid=99015

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I dont think anyone would be judging your for not crying.

When I get upset past the point of all endurance, I do some weird circle where instead of crying I start laughing hysterically at everything, the kind of back-away-from-the-crazy-person laugh. And that was my mother's funeral. So I'd say no-crying is fine.

That was kind of my mother's funeral too. Me and my dad and my husband on the front row trying not to giggle too much at how ridiculous it all was.

May your great-aunt rest in peace.

I've been reading your blog for several years, and I must say I'm ecstatic that you seem to have gotten some bit of closure with your ex-father. I'm happy that you realize that you now have the power in that relationship (or lack thereof).

I'm terribly sorry about your Aunt's passing and I'm glad you take joy in all of the happy memories that you have with her. Absolutely DO NOT feel bad about not crying. Everyone grieves in their own way and NO ONE has the right to tell you how you should feel or how you should act in this situation. As long as you are genuine, you are right and it's right for you. Period. <3

Many bountiful blessings from deep in the heart of Texas!

I'm estranged from my entire immediate family (who estranged themselves from the rest of the family -- oh, the drama!) and feel exactly the same way. I want them to leave me alone, but then it sometimes irks me that they don't give a shit enough to call, but if they called, I'd probably not answer if I knew it was them because the last time they called, they phoned us in the middle of the night threatening to sue us because of something I wrote that they found on a website after much googling, so I don't want them to phone anyway, etc.

*hugs*

That sounds like a lovely speech. My condolences on your loss.
(I know what you mean about the not crying, though; I didn't cry at my father's funeral and we were quite close (I was in my early 20s when he died and still living at home). I used to feel bad about it but now it doesn't worry me, which is nice.)

Also, I saw your comment about your father being there above the cut and knew the significance, and I'm so glad that it turned out how it did and you feel better now.

Went through a similar situation of finding the power to say no to seeing a family member, and last weekend, after several years, finally got an endorsement of my choice and an apology for not believing what I was saying from the important members of my family. My sister asked me if I was happy about it, and no, I'm not happy that things have gotten so bad that now everyone can see what I was seeing, but I feel, I don't know, vindicated that my choice proved to be the right one, that my choice will be respected in the future, and (and this is slightly terrible of me) glad that certain people who didn't take it seriously felt bad enough to apologize.

I was forced to see the family member a few months ago, and I was berated for not being "friendly enough." (At the time I was also really sick, so I think my stuffy-nosed glaring and pathetic coughing should have helped my case, not made my extended and immediate family feel I was being purposefully rude.) In cases such a that, I think channeling Elinor Dashwood for a while is a great help, because when I detached myself from the situation at that time I was better able to make it through as best I could, to think out a good strategy as sensibly as possible, and then deal with my feelings in a more appropriate manner than, say, causing a huge scene and storming out of dinner (though apparently my not giving this person a big hug and goodbye when I finally got to leave was tantamount to the same thing. *eyeroll*). Miss Dashwood is coming in use again since now that everyone knows and believes the whole score I'm being asked for my advice and in-depth discussion, when I thought I had made it clear the whole point was to not be involved at all.

Sense and Sensibility - psychological armor for the ages, and still hilariously funny.

Thanks for sharing your story; hearing yours makes me feel less alone with mine, and I really appreciate it.

I'm so happy for you that you were able to get some closure from the situation. I think worrying about running into someone like that can produce more anxiety than when the event actually occurs. Good for you for standing your ground (and, also I suppose, not punching him in the head. Although no one would fault you for that.)

"I DON'T KNOW, DO YOU WANT ME TO START WITH 1998, OR A BIT LATER THAN THAT?"
I love this line, and I'm saving it for when I inevitably have to have this sort of conversation with my father.

*hugs* I'm happy you were able to get up and speak at her funeral. It sounds as though you did a beautiful job of it.

And I think you handled the situation with your dad well. I haven't seen my dad since I was 16 and haven't spoken to him since I was 18. And I'm 31 now. So I kind of understand where you're coming from. Especially with the 'Why doesn't he contact me/I don't want him to contact me' bit.

I'm very glad you feel like you got a bit of closure on the whole subject. You deserve every bit of happiness you can find. :-)

Elinor Dashwood would have been proud of your conduct. I am so impressed: what a healthy, stable, appropriate way to have handled the funeral (in general) and the near-encounter with your biological father (in particular).