Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones

"Hot, nasty, all-Jarvis mixture heating"

Wow. Inspired by the delights of "Delirium in Hi-Fi" and "Music for Rat Fink Lovers," I wasted half my day checking out new stuff at James Lileks' megasite. Or at least, things I'd never seen before--the man's site is like that warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, just filled with kitsch instead of priceless artifacts. Notable:

Stag World: Awful girlie mags of the '50s. No nudity, just cheese. And plenty of it. On Barrie the cheesecake model: "She also likes to put carnations in her empty liquor bottles. Her many, many empty liquor bottles."

Dateline: Kennel: "The one on the left looks like it had a giraffe for a mother and a Scottish Furby for a father; the one on the right has the expression of a dog shaved regularly for punishment." Oh, and here's another corker, from a picture of Lassie posed at an adding machine: "Using extreme magnification I was able to read the numbers on the tape. The consist of a long series of one sum - .39 - followed by the addition of seven individual pennies, then the sum .42 repeated over and over again. This photo was later used in the lawsuit of Lassie v. Weatherwax, where the dog sued its owner for royalties on syndication; the suit is expected to be cited in the upcoming Duchovny v. Fox trial. Of the two plantiffs, Lassie had a greater acting range."

Little Big Books: "I was a big Space Ghost fan as well; he seemed pretty cool. In retrospect, he was also rather femme. I mean, look at that pose: it just screams I am so pretty. I am so glad I went with the translucent cape." Also: Caption reads, "Jarvis heats the mixture." Lileks: "This is the peak of excitement, right here. Hot, nasty, all-Jarvis mixture heating."

New at Regrettable Food: The Knudsen's Dairy gallery: "Extra Rich Milk! You have to spank the container to get the stuff out." Also: "If this food was any whiter, it would be wearing pointy hats and burning crosses on the lawns of recipes for black-eyed peas."

Also new: More Fun with Coffee ("Warning: no fun provided"): "She’s had enough, I think. Enough coffee ice cream. Enough coffee-toffee topping. Enough coffee. She's looking at that coffee-flavored ice cream as if she can't decide which orifice to jam it into. In a year she'll be shooting Folger's crystals betweeen her toes."

Make sure you check out the Lance Lawson comics, too--I love the hard-boiled flash-fiction Lileks has written to go along with them.


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