Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
The horrors of buycostumes.com
spooky03
cleolinda
Internets, there are "sexy" Halloween "costumes." We need to discuss this.

I mean, yes, there are and have always been. I am not here to to discuss the sociofeminopolitical implications of "Slutoween." I am here to say, simply, unto you: WTF.


O hai, it's the first Halloween since Avatar came out. I wonder how that's going to...




Avatar Movie Sexy Neytiri Adult Costume: Did anyone see any body-paint Neytiri cosplay at DragonCon? Because I haven't seen any pictures (although I did see Olivia-Wilde-in-Tron body paint, and that movie hasn't even come out yet), but it seems like a natural fit.

Avatar Movie Neytiri Deluxe Adult Wig: Her head is so pastede on yay.


So... as mentioned yesterday... what is with the licensed Sexy Sesame Street costumes?




Sesame Street - Elmo Sexy Female Adult Costume: It's sad that a homemade Elmo Slayer costume is sexier (and less disturbing). Also available: Sexy Big Bird and Sexy Cookie Monster. I don't like people anymore.

Sesame Street - The Count Adult Costume: NIGHTMARES FOREVER






ACTUAL CAPTIONS ON CATEGORY PAGE, FORMATTING THEIRS:

TMNT - Sexy Raphael (Red) Deluxe Adult Costume: Hottie in a half-shell. Turtle power!

TMNT - Sexy Donatello (Purple) Deluxe Adult Costume: She's the smartest and sexiest of all the Turtles!

TMNT - Sexy Leonardo (Blue) Deluxe Adult Costume: This Hottie in a Half-shell is one Sexy Bombshell!

TMNT - Sexy Michelangelo (Orange) Deluxe Adult Costume: You'll leave everyone Shell-Shocked with this sexy suit!

NO. BAD. GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

Well, Donatella, you can stay. No puns + purple = reasonably okay with me.





Ms. Krueger Naughty Nightmare Adult Costume: Why we gotta have the Sexy Cheerleader version of everything?

Sexy Chucky Adult Costume: That said, this is surprisingly effective. I think it's the hair.

Sexy Ms. Voorhees Adult Costume: For the angry hockey groupie.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Miss Leatherface Adult Costume: You know, if you actually paired this with the Leatherface mask, I would consider it brilliantly subversive.



 


Starburst Girl Adult Costume: You know, this (and "Emerald Girl") was one of the first so-called "Slutoween" costumes I ever saw. I think I'm at peace with this now.

Strawberry Shortcake Adult Costume: "Berry sexy." YOU. IN THE PUN OF SHAME CORNER. RIGHT NOW.

Also, judging by the look on her face, I think she wants to kill and eat us.





V For Vendetta Female Adult Costume: Somewhere, Alan Moore has a gigantic migraine, and he doesn't know why.

Robyn Da Hood Adult Costume. YOU! IN THE CORNER WITH SHORTCAKE!

(Sherwood has pimps?)





The Jetsons Jane Adult Costume: Well... the wig is really cute? I don't know. It's so over-the-top that I kind of wonder if this is more meant as a sexytime costume, at which point you have to ask... whose sexual fantasy is Mrs. Jetson?





Classic Snow White Adult Costume: "Mirror, mirror, in my room, how hot do I look in this costume?" Okay, I laughed.

Storybook Beauty Adult Costume: "Tre Magnifuque!" ...WHAT?





Wizard Wanda Adult Costume: "This naughty wizard will cast a magic spell on you!"

HERMIONE GRANGER
YOU GO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON
RIGHT NOW

Also, I don't know what Transfiguration spell you botched, but you gotta go get McGonagall to get your photoshop right. It's like a Frankenmione.





Spider-Girl Sassy Prestige Adult Costume: Yeah... there's a reason it's on clearance.

Wild Thing (Daughter Of Wolverine) Sexy Adult Costume: A million billion X-Men characters, and this is the best you can do?

Secret Wishes Ghostbuster Sexy Adult Costume: WOW, that is classy.





Fang Bangin' Fun Vampire Adult Costume: "No one could deny his great taste in women." Okay. Come on now. Whose job is it to write this copy? How much do you get paid for this? Also, since you brought up fang-banging: the True Blood vampires would point and laugh at your dumb ass. Come on, dude. What kind of prissy little elbow cape is that supposed to be? Take your polyfiber and go.

Twilight Twinkle (Light Up) Adult Costume: I just... I can't. What? IT'S FULL OF STAAAAAARS.

Also, I don't like the implications of why "Twilight" is in the name of this costume. Put your twinkle away, Bella.

Speaking of which, I can't bear to link to it, but--if you search "Twilight," they are, in fact, selling The Hair. (This still does not answer the question of where you buy Edward wigs for cats, though.) Although that search also brought up a result of Emo Wig Adult, the implied insult of which made me laugh.





I was looking at the Donnie Darko Adult Costume (which is full of Do Not Want, but it's not anything new) when I saw the Cuddles the Bear Adult Costume on the sidebar. I'm not sure if it's the evil rabid face or the furry short pants that make this costume so terrifying.

Since I'm pretty sure I can't top that with anything else I've got: most horrifying Halloween costume you ever saw. Discuss.

ETA: I cut Sexy Optimus Prime from the first draft of this entry. Judging by the responses on Twitter, I'm wishing I'd left it in.



Site Meter

(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
Look. I like boobies. I like them a lot. BUT THESE COSTUMES MAKE ME WANT TO END THE WORLD IN FIRE AND RUIN.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, UNIVERSE. STOPPIT.


Your icon made me giggle. :)

Don't tell me you haven't seen the hilarious Couples costumes! They have bacon and eggs! http://www.buycostumes.com/Bacon-and-Eggs-Adult/21235/ProductDetail.aspx

At least it's not Sexy Eggs (tm)?

WHAT IN THE NAME OF WHAT IN THE WHATWHAT I LOST MY EXCITED UTTERANCE (admisable hearsay!)

Edited at 2010-09-11 10:48 pm (UTC)

(Deleted comment)
I'm pretty sure that last one would be more appropriately labeled "Pedo-Bear".

Ugh. Why they gotta ruin Halloween? :(

I flipping thought it was Pedo-Bear...in Withdrawal.

It...I just...wait, what? O_o

DUDES. If your sexual fantasies involve Elmo, The Count, or Ninja Turtles, YOU HAVE ISSUES. Please seek psychiatric help immediately.

And that "Twilight Twinkle" thing OMGWTF. I've heard of "firecrotch", but "sparklecrotch"? Really?

Agreed. There are so many things to fetishize... why THOSE?!

Should I bring up the pre-teen and younger sizes that are available?

No. No, you definitely should not. I'm going to go hide in a corner now. . .

You know, sexifying Disney characters, I get, although the Sesame Street characters is really weird 'cause they're not even people. But sexifying serial killers? WTFFFFF

I didn't know they made Pedobear costumes.

Costume express has Jean Grey and Emma Frost costumes that aren't THAT bad. Next year I'm going as Raven from the teen titans, but I'm making my own costume. Last year I was Harley Quinn. I found it easier to find non-skanky DC costumes than Marvel.

This year I'ma be a steampunk pirate. :3 http://www.fanplusfriend.com/servlet/the-473/Elegant-Gothic-Aristocrat-Corset/Detail

(Deleted comment)
*shamefully raises hand*

I once wrote web copy for a Halloween costume site. I made the sexy costume stuff deliberately as bad as a could, because it was the only way I could handle writing about "Adult" versions of my childhood cartoons without wanting to hide under my desk with a 40 of malt liquor.

The answer to how much I got paid: Not enough to recover any sense of dignity.

I'm going to assume the copywriter here is doing the same thing, then. It makes me feel better.

I've seen the Freddie and Hogwarts costumes for the past couple years at my local Spirit store. But I think my brain turned off after I saw the giant foam penis, so they didn't really horrify me much.

Wow. They could probably go in bikinis and save the trouble of buying an actual costume. Plus, more skin exposure! /sarcasm

Happily, where I live, anyone attracted by the Slutoween costumes will have the satisfaction of freezing important bits on the actual holiday. (Seriously, in most neighbourhoods the kids treat-or-treat with snowpants and coats on.)

(Deleted comment)
Who actually wears these things? Coming up with them is one issue, but plonking down cash and going out in public dressed like that...WHO???

They're not cheap either, at least I don't remember them being so when I last walked into a Halloween store.

(Deleted comment)
?

Log in

No account? Create an account