Cleolinda Jones (cleolinda) wrote,
Cleolinda Jones
cleolinda

The horrors of buycostumes.com

Internets, there are "sexy" Halloween "costumes." We need to discuss this.

I mean, yes, there are and have always been. I am not here to to discuss the sociofeminopolitical implications of "Slutoween." I am here to say, simply, unto you: WTF.


O hai, it's the first Halloween since Avatar came out. I wonder how that's going to...




Avatar Movie Sexy Neytiri Adult Costume: Did anyone see any body-paint Neytiri cosplay at DragonCon? Because I haven't seen any pictures (although I did see Olivia-Wilde-in-Tron body paint, and that movie hasn't even come out yet), but it seems like a natural fit.

Avatar Movie Neytiri Deluxe Adult Wig: Her head is so pastede on yay.


So... as mentioned yesterday... what is with the licensed Sexy Sesame Street costumes?




Sesame Street - Elmo Sexy Female Adult Costume: It's sad that a homemade Elmo Slayer costume is sexier (and less disturbing). Also available: Sexy Big Bird and Sexy Cookie Monster. I don't like people anymore.

Sesame Street - The Count Adult Costume: NIGHTMARES FOREVER






ACTUAL CAPTIONS ON CATEGORY PAGE, FORMATTING THEIRS:

TMNT - Sexy Raphael (Red) Deluxe Adult Costume: Hottie in a half-shell. Turtle power!

TMNT - Sexy Donatello (Purple) Deluxe Adult Costume: She's the smartest and sexiest of all the Turtles!

TMNT - Sexy Leonardo (Blue) Deluxe Adult Costume: This Hottie in a Half-shell is one Sexy Bombshell!

TMNT - Sexy Michelangelo (Orange) Deluxe Adult Costume: You'll leave everyone Shell-Shocked with this sexy suit!

NO. BAD. GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

Well, Donatella, you can stay. No puns + purple = reasonably okay with me.





Ms. Krueger Naughty Nightmare Adult Costume: Why we gotta have the Sexy Cheerleader version of everything?

Sexy Chucky Adult Costume: That said, this is surprisingly effective. I think it's the hair.

Sexy Ms. Voorhees Adult Costume: For the angry hockey groupie.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Miss Leatherface Adult Costume: You know, if you actually paired this with the Leatherface mask, I would consider it brilliantly subversive.



 


Starburst Girl Adult Costume: You know, this (and "Emerald Girl") was one of the first so-called "Slutoween" costumes I ever saw. I think I'm at peace with this now.

Strawberry Shortcake Adult Costume: "Berry sexy." YOU. IN THE PUN OF SHAME CORNER. RIGHT NOW.

Also, judging by the look on her face, I think she wants to kill and eat us.





V For Vendetta Female Adult Costume: Somewhere, Alan Moore has a gigantic migraine, and he doesn't know why.

Robyn Da Hood Adult Costume. YOU! IN THE CORNER WITH SHORTCAKE!

(Sherwood has pimps?)





The Jetsons Jane Adult Costume: Well... the wig is really cute? I don't know. It's so over-the-top that I kind of wonder if this is more meant as a sexytime costume, at which point you have to ask... whose sexual fantasy is Mrs. Jetson?





Classic Snow White Adult Costume: "Mirror, mirror, in my room, how hot do I look in this costume?" Okay, I laughed.

Storybook Beauty Adult Costume: "Tre Magnifuque!" ...WHAT?





Wizard Wanda Adult Costume: "This naughty wizard will cast a magic spell on you!"

HERMIONE GRANGER
YOU GO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON
RIGHT NOW

Also, I don't know what Transfiguration spell you botched, but you gotta go get McGonagall to get your photoshop right. It's like a Frankenmione.





Spider-Girl Sassy Prestige Adult Costume: Yeah... there's a reason it's on clearance.

Wild Thing (Daughter Of Wolverine) Sexy Adult Costume: A million billion X-Men characters, and this is the best you can do?

Secret Wishes Ghostbuster Sexy Adult Costume: WOW, that is classy.





Fang Bangin' Fun Vampire Adult Costume: "No one could deny his great taste in women." Okay. Come on now. Whose job is it to write this copy? How much do you get paid for this? Also, since you brought up fang-banging: the True Blood vampires would point and laugh at your dumb ass. Come on, dude. What kind of prissy little elbow cape is that supposed to be? Take your polyfiber and go.

Twilight Twinkle (Light Up) Adult Costume: I just... I can't. What? IT'S FULL OF STAAAAAARS.

Also, I don't like the implications of why "Twilight" is in the name of this costume. Put your twinkle away, Bella.

Speaking of which, I can't bear to link to it, but--if you search "Twilight," they are, in fact, selling The Hair. (This still does not answer the question of where you buy Edward wigs for cats, though.) Although that search also brought up a result of Emo Wig Adult, the implied insult of which made me laugh.





I was looking at the Donnie Darko Adult Costume (which is full of Do Not Want, but it's not anything new) when I saw the Cuddles the Bear Adult Costume on the sidebar. I'm not sure if it's the evil rabid face or the furry short pants that make this costume so terrifying.

Since I'm pretty sure I can't top that with anything else I've got: most horrifying Halloween costume you ever saw. Discuss.

ETA: I cut Sexy Optimus Prime from the first draft of this entry. Judging by the responses on Twitter, I'm wishing I'd left it in.



Site Meter
Tags: costumes, halloween, where is your god now, wtf
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 279 comments
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →
Previous
← Ctrl ← Alt
Next
Ctrl → Alt →