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Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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Tired
pallas cat - chagrin
cleolinda
Internets, I am not feeling so good. Just sinus blarg and a low fever, but I have been sleeping a lot. So that's where I've been.

Two bits of writerly advice:

@victoriastrauss: Agent Andrew Lownie on how to blow your chances in the first line of your email.

@MaryRobinette: Debut Author Lessons: 10 things about signing books.

Linkspam: movie news and your chance to be a werewolf, for really real.

Trailer for Depp and Jolie's 'The Tourist'The Latest Tangled Trailer Presents a Hair-Raising Adventure and way too much emphasis on the guy; 'Paranormal Activity 2' Trailer Arrives, Easter Eggs In TowJanet Jackson in the trailer premiere for Tyler Perry's For Colored Girls; New Teaser For HBO's 'Game Of Thrones'; First teaser for the American 'Being Human' series.

Sir Ian McKellen to Return as Gandalf in The Hobbit; The Hobbit Eyeing January Start? 

Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz film scenes for POTC 4.

'Dragon Tattoo's' Noomi Rapace Lands 'Sherlock 2' Role.

Gary Ross in early negotiations for ‘Hunger Games.’

Review: The Social Network; Why Mark Zuckerberg Should Fear the Facebook Movie; David Fincher on 'The Social Network': "I Wanted to Make a 21st Century John Hughes Film."

Early Never Let Me Go reviews: It's powerful, but maybe a bit dull.

Kate Winslet as 'Mildred Pierce'!; Todd Haynes' Mildred Pierce Trailer Online.

High praise in first reviews for Keira Knightley's romantic drama 'Last Night'; Worthington, Knightley & Mendes in 'Last Night' (TIFF 2010).

First trailer for Clint Eastwood's new movie puts Matt Damon in direct contact with the dead; Clint Eastwood's 'Hereafter' Euthanizes Its Subject Matter (TIFF 2010 Review).

Ryan Reynolds Says 'Deadpool' Is Like 'Going To Prison For The First Day.' I'm just not even going to ask.

Director Of Robert Pattinson's 'Water For Elephants' Teases A Tentative Release Date.

Nichola Burley Joins 'Wuthering Heights.' "The Streetdance 3D actress is playing the third lead in Andrea Arnold’s version of the English classic... Kaya Scodelario from UK teen TV series Skins is playing lead role Cathy Earnshaw. Still no word on who’s playing brooding hunk Heathcliff though... Arnold is rebooting Wuthering Heights as a Twilight story of forbidden teenage love to give the pic a new young audience."

Look upon my sparkle, ye mighty, and despair.

Werewolf transformation spell on eBay. Behold:

OK WELL YOU PROBABLY WANT TO KNOW THE MAIN THING ALOT ARE CURIOUS ABOUT. “WHAT ARE THE WEREWOLF ABILITIES THAT ID GET OUT OF THIS SPELL”

1) STRENTGH~YOU WILL BE STRONGER THAN A VAMPIRE & DEMON

2) SPEED~THAT YOU CAN RUN AS FAST AS ABOUT 240 MPH

3) YES SHAPESHIFTING OF COURSE~YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SHAPESHIFT INTO A BEAST LIKE CREATURE

4) IMMORTALITY~YOU WILL NEVER GROW OLD AND YOU WILL NEVER DIE

5) MASSIVE SEX APPEAL

5) HUGE APPETITE FOR MEAT

6) YOUR SENSES WILL BE ENHANCED LIKE, TASTE~SMELL~HEARING~FEELING~SEEING/VISION

7) ABLE TO BREATH UNDER WATER

8) HAVING VISIONS AND LUCID DREAMS.

9) YOU WILL BE ALERTED IF DANGER IS NEAR BY

10) BEING ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH ANIMALS AND HAVE CONTROL OVER THEM

11) ONCE SHAPESHIFTED INTO WEREWOLF FORM YOU WILL HAVE NIGHT VISION

SO THESE ARE THE MAIN ABILITIES OF BEING A WEREWOLF FROM THIS VERY POWERFUL SPELL

IF YOU WANT TO BECOME A WEREWOLF THEN YOU HAVE CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.

ALL FOR THE LOW CAPSLOCK PRICE OF $500

I MEAN, IT HAS TWO 5)s, HOW CAN YOU BEAT THAT VALUE


Today's Most Unlikely Trio: Russell Crowe, RZA, Eli Roth Team Up for The Man with the Iron Fist.

'The Last Exorcism' Director Daniel Stamm Confirmed For 'Night Chronicles' Second Movie, 'Reincarnate.' 

Producer Talks About Clash Of The Titans 2 And Other Absolutely Horrible News.

And finally: Oh Brother: The Human Sexipede Porn Parody Trailer Has Arrived. 



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vampires and werewolves the way i like em
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"Oh Brother: The Human Sexipede Porn Parody Trailer Has Arrived."

DO NOT WANT. NO.

Edited at 2010-09-15 11:15 pm (UTC)

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This. Guys, I'm fairly certain this is a fraudulent spell. No werewolf I've ever heard of could breathe under water. I mean, what is he? Aquaman? Lame. :3

Oh god. The best thing about that ridiculous werewolf spell auction?

"Quantity: 5 available"

BE ONE OF THE LUCKY FIVE! YOU TOO CAN HAVE MANGE AND LICK YOUR OWN GENITALS UNDER THE SILVERY BLUE LIGHT OF THE FULL MOON!

oh internets. never change.


OH MY GOD THERE HAVE BEEN TWO OFFERS. TWO OFFERS. I lol, I die.

Edited at 2010-09-15 11:13 pm (UTC)

Best part is that the seller has 100% positive feedback. Wonder what else they've sold?

*checks signed copies of Changes and Tongues of Serpents.*

Black ink, no date. But they are both legible. The part about legal signatures vs. autograph signatures is interesting. Never thought that might be a problem.

Omg. That werewolf transformation spell is hilarious! I cant stop laughing!

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Appropriate icon is appropriate!

What...the...hell??? A werewolf transformation spell?

Somebody's going to get rich real quick. Or not. And here I thought the Etsy artwork re: Twilight was bad. It's just been one upped with this.

Oh and I guess a shirt doesn't come with it, since werewolves don't need shirts.

WTF indeed.

They also have a vampire transformation spell if Edward is more your speed. XD

OH MAN.

Well... that ebay werewolf thing is certainly up there with the haunted toaster or (my favorite)... the winning bidder getting a phone call from someone who makes dying fish noises over the phone...

Whatty what what?

Dying fish noises over the phone?

I'm speechless.

Last I heard werewolves were not capable of running at speeds of up 240 MPH, nor were they able to breathe underwater.

I think this person got a few different pages of the spell book stuck together.

My dog is entirely unable to breathe anything other than air, and is quite happy with her shambling hitch-step pace.

And for another, Anton LaVey wrote "How to Become a Werewolf" in one of his books... I forget which one, though...

"6) YOUR SENSES WILL BE ENHANCED LIKE, TASTE~SMELL~HEARING~FEELING~SEEING/VISION"

*shakes fist* I HATE when people say this like it's a good thing. It is not. As a person with sensory integration issues, I take great offense at this.

Also, stronger than a demon? LOL, what?

Except for #6 (or, as it really should be, #7) it's absolutely hilarious. Excellent find.

Yeah... the thing I'm writing, a character has a lot of trouble with "enhanced" senses. This is somewhat inspired by the way I get weird spells of being really, really sensitive to noise. Like, "WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING?!?!?!?" sensitive.

Also: enhanced sense of smell in the streets of Victorian London. EW.

The disclaimer on that spell is the best part,

"IF YOU WANT TO BECOME A WEREWOLF THEN YOU HAVE CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
[...]
AND I KNOW, I KNOW. WHAT YOUR THINKING IS "GEES IT TAKES THAT LONG, I WANT IT TO BE IMMEDIATELY". WELL THAT WOULDNT HAPPEN WITH THIS SPELL HERE. I KNOW WAITING CAN BE FRUSTERATING BUT THINK OF IT THIS WAY. YOUR NEW LIFE AND DREAM WILL ALL CHANGE IN A MATTER OF A COUPLE WEEKES TO MONTHS MAYBE, JUST MAYBE OVER A YEAR. IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT IN THE END. I PROMISE!!!"

Let's take the sheer LOLtasticness out of this for a moment - Anyone who has ever watched ANY werewolf movie EVER knows that the whole "becoming a werewolf" thing is a horrible, painful curse and NOBODY (including Jacob Black) wants it. Of all the ridiculously insane things I've seen, this has to win some kind of prize. xD But hey, someone bought an immortality spell from them and left them positive feedback. OH INTERNETS.

Dislike the term "reboot" and Wuthering Heights in the same sentence.

Dislike every bit of Tangled I've seen so far, which makes me sad.

I'm really looking forward to SyFy's Being Human in spite of myself. Because I love the first series of the BBC original, and like the second, and am sort of curious to see whether an Americanized version will be good or a trainwreck.

YAY at the Johnny spam and at Sir Ian's Gandalf. :D

ps: I've been having horrendous headaches and sleeping all day lately, so we're in similar boats. bleh. I hope you feel better soon!

I would like to share this actualfax document apparently being passed around law enforcement departments concerning the dangers of Pedobear.

Oh, shit, I was going to link to that. Apparently Gawker has informed them that it's an internet joke, so they... sent Gawker the flier.

I feel like Dwight K. Schrute might have made the werewolf spell listing. Imagine Jim saying, "Dwight, I don't think werewolves can breathe under water." They can with this spell, Jim. Are you the warlock here or am I?

HE WOULD USE THE WORD "WARLOCK," TOO. Ohh, Dwight. ♥

I THINK MASSIVE SEX APPEAL AND HUGE APPETITE FOR "MEAT" GO HAND IN HAND IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

*shakes tiny fist at you* I WAS TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE THAT JOKE.

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