So: it's fallout time at the Hospital of the Holy Confession.
Rex and Mimi are shocked by Marlena's confession. Will is trying to take care of a shell-shocked Sami, but there's only so much an
annoying eight-year-old can do. Shawn says he's waiting to hear Marlena on Victor's death and then he's leaving. Bo tells Marlena that "nap time's over" and he wants to hear about Victor Kiriakis's death. Or, as Bo pronounces it, "Victor Keedeeakis." Dude, we know you're his son. Lay off the Latin-lover pronunciation, aight? Commercials.
You know those Schick Intuition commercials where the women fall out of bath tubs and showers and over their own feet trying to shave their legs? I was listening to Radio KLEO and was shocked to realized that the accordion bits at the beginning and the "your INTU-WI-TION!" bit at the end--that's not a commercial jingle, y'all. That's an actual Jewel song.
And I kinda like it.
What's that, Will? Sami's fallen into the well? Lucas tells Will that Sami needs some space and she'll be fine rotting on the couch. Will tells Lucas that when Sami's usually upset "she screams! she yells! she throws things! Now she's just sitting there staring!" This is how Lucas knows that Sami is really in trouble. I say we get Child Protective back in here.
Lucas and his shirtlessness go to check on Sami. It's a pity party and you're invited!
Bo gets all hard-boiled on Marlena. Marlena can't remember if she killed Victor. John points out that Marlena was in the company of, like, five thousand people at Tuscany when Victor went to the big bathtub in the sky. Over John's protests that she couldn't possibly know who did kill Victor, Marlena offers up that she might be able to help after all. Skittish Nicole at the door has the look of a small gerbil trapped in a cage with a large, hungry cat. Commercials.
Mark paid these women's rent, introduced them to pink, and gave them glowing complexions. Have you met Mark? No, but he sounds fabulous.
Rex and Mimi. Rex wants to know what Sami's going to do. Mimi notes that Rex doesn't know Sami too well, so he has no idea. Rex points out that he and Sami are half-siblings (it's a long story, but it turned out Roman and Kate were the twins' biological parents, remember?) and he wants to get to know her better. Mimi, who is the voice of frickin' reason on this show, tells Rex to stay the hell away from Sami, particularly now that she's in "panic mode."
Pity Party. Lucas tries to comfort Sami. Sami has at least got it through her thick skull that her mother is the killer. Sami's all like, "No wonder I am the way I am." Lucas pulls his "Maybe you should have died in the death chamber." Dammit! He's clearly saying this to be a devil's advocate so that he can then say, "But if you had, what would we do without you?" Dammit.
Room of the Cardiac Confession. Lexie interrupts Bo's interrogation because Marlena is "agitated" and may go into cardiac arrest. Bo, and I quote, "doesn't give a damn." He does point out that she's "signed her death warrant nine times over" and therefore, if she dies telling him who may have killed his father, why should he care? I have to admit, the man has a bit of a point. Commercials.
Belle sobs all over Brady, while Nicole starts trying to make her getaway. Crazy Jan tells Nicole that she tried to inject the air bubble into the IV, but no dice. "And I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for
those meddling kids Shawn," says Crazy Jan. "Can I help it if our connection is so strong that he couldn't take his eyes off me?" (Read: "Uh... do I know you from somewhere?")
Shawn tells Hope that he'll call her, but he's out. Belle wails to Brady, "Did you see that! He just walked right past me!" She runs out. Five bucks says she runs into Philip.
Pity Party. Sami: "Do you really mean that?" Lucas tells Sami he only saved her life because of Will. Yow. Lucas tells Sami that maybe Will doesn't need to grow up with her "toxic energy all over him." Wow, Lucas is really going to town on Sami. I retract everything from four paragraphs ago: Lucas roxors. Commercials.
Pity Party. Ohhhhh biatch: Lucas announces that Kate was right, he should sue for sole custody of Will. Sami: "OH THE HELL YOU WILL."
Kids' apartment: Belle chases after Shawn. Shawn doesn't want to talk; he wants to pack. He shuts the door in her face. Rex and Mimi are horrified. Mimi tries to argue but Shawn tells her to fuck off, basically. Mimi shouts that they have to do something, and she's going to talk to Belle. Rex points out, quite rightly, that there ain't much they can do. Mimi runs off to hug Belle anyway.
Hospital. Lexie is taking out the truth serum drip so she doesn't have a heart attack. Bo insists that they push forward while the current drugs are still in her system. He has Nicole brought in. Brady, who is suspicious of Nicole, makes a token attempt to point out that he was handcuffed to Nicole when Victor bit the big one. "Brady, are you defending her?" snaps Bo. "What, was she not good in bed?" Nicole smirks. HA! Commercials.
Brady tries to defend his honor and insists there was never any hanky-panky. Brady and Bo begin a pissing contest as to who loved/knew Victor better. Bo starts questioning Marlena, who initially says that she doesn't know anything. Flashback to the scene where Marlena ran into Nicole and Crazy Jan. (Was this scene reshot? I can't remember if Old Crazy Jan was still on the show or not at the time. New Crazy Jan's in the scene now. She looks taller than Old Crazy Jan.)
Love Cage. New Crazy Jan has escaped the hospital and is purring over her giant Burtonesque contraption.
Apartment. Rex asks Shawn where he's going and how long he'll be gone. Shawn says not to waste his breath, and Rex is like, "Yeah, for serious." He adds that he totally understands. Shawn calls Rex on his reverse psychology, and Rex laughs. So... Shawn is totally going off to Little Crazy Old Lady Jan's "country house," isn't he? And no one's going to know where he's going? Yeah.
Mimi: "IT'S NOT TOO LATE!" Yeah, Belle won't buy that. Mimi fusses, Belle moans. Rex comes in and reports that Shawn is on the roof getting CDs. (They must have a way different kind of roof than I do.) They shove Belle up there after him. Mimi: "Ohhhhh, please, Shawn, don't be an idiot!"
Roof: Shawn is being an idiot. He and Belle stare at each other. Commercials.
Pity Party: Sami freaks out on Lucas. Lucas is all like, "Well, you sure didn't care five minutes ago! Nice turnaround, there!" Sami shrieks that she'll kill him first. Lucas: "Welcome back. We missed you." Dammit. He was doing it on purpose. Will runs in all like, "Are you guys all right??" I'm surprised he didn't go, "Yay! Mom and Dad are fighting again! Whee!"
Love Cage. Crazy Jan prowls around. Uh... she pulls out a package of something labeled "Ultimate Feeling"...? WTF was that? Tell me that wasn't a box of condoms, y'all. She tucks it into the bedside table drawer. The table inside the Love Cage. *shudder*
("When holding your unwilling lover captive in a cage for weeks on end, remember, kids: play it safe!")
Roof. Bitter. Whining. Bitter. Whining. Belle points out the carved names on the door of all the couples that lived there before, and they can't let that down, or something. Shawn points out that at least one person in each couple, save his parents, is dead. Belle: "Are you saying I'm dead to you?" NO, YOU MORON, HE'S SAYING THAT YOUR LOGIC IS FAULTY!
Commercials: Jewel sells out some more.
Pity Party. Sami stammers that she's fine. Will wibbles that before the yelling that it was like she wasn't even there. Sami admits that Lucas "brought her back in a way that only he could." They hug. Sami seems to appreciate what Lucas did. And... scene.
Apartment. Mimi paces around being nervous about the Belle-Shawn détente. Mimi: "Promise me that nothing will ever come between us." This statement is to soaps as "I'll be right back" is to horror movies.
Roof. Shawn: "Of course you're not dead to me!" Blah blah blah. Belle doesn't want to lose Shawn forever. I want them both to fall off the roof.
Love Cage: Crazy Jan gazes at a prom picture of Belle and Shawn in which Jan's hed is pastede on yay. She tells herself that Marlena said nothing and Nicole got all worked up over nothing.
Hospital: Marlena says she remembers who the accomplice was. Niiiiice editing there. Marlena slowly looks over at Nicole: "Yes.... I KNOW WHO IT WAS." Nicole looks like she's slowly wetting herself.
Preview: Kate thinks Philip should move in on Belle. Patrick tells Bonnie that he's leaving town so she can just forget about the whole Jennifer thing. Jennifer discovers that her bearer bonds ("They're just like cash!") are missing. Nicole either visits Crystal (for whom my ass wears a hat heart heart heart <3) and tells her to kill Marlena, or we flashback to the first time Nicole told her to kill Marlena. Whatever happened with the jailhouse killing, anyway? We never got to the bottom of that.
So: it's fallout time at the Hospital of the Holy Confession.