We were saved from an awkward pause by Tonner Edward limping into the room. "I need to... talk to you... for a moment, if... I could," he said between gritted teeth. And then he collapsed.
I carried him over to my bed and laid him down on a sham. "More pains? Different pains, or the same-old same-old?"

I gave him your classic o_O face.

"Okay, yeah, this is just weird."


--then a ragged shout of pain, through which I was just able to make out the words It's everywhere now--I ran to get Galadriel--

And she touched several specific places unerringly--Edward rasped out that she was right, exactly there and there and there, it wouldn't stop, stabbing him over and over--and I was starting to get really freaked out. "We don't have any bad witches around here--I mean, I wanted that Tonner White Witch but it was a convention-only edition and I never did put in a bid on any of those auctions and Serafina would never do something like this--whatever 'this' is--what the hell is this?"
And as we stood there unable to think of anything to do for Edward's mysterious, excruciating vampain, I saw Lyra waving her dagger at me from the file cabinet.

"When you--what?"


So I marched into the bathroom and looked behind the half-open door--and there she was, stabbing cheerfully away.
"ANNA VALERIOUS!"
"WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT?"

"TELL ME."

"HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT ETSY?!"

"What, for VOODOO DOLLS?"

And before I could even ask how she paid for it, I heard a fresh scream from the other room and realized she was quietly jabbing it in the eye even as we talked. "HAND IT OVER."

"I SAID HAND IT OVER, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU."

"GIVE IT TO ME."

"GET IN THE CABINET, ANNA."

"UNTIL I DECIDE TO LET YOU OUT."

"YEAH, WELL, HE'S SUPPOSED TO KILL PEOPLE AND YOU DON'T SEE HIM DOING THAT, DO YOU?"

"OKAY, YOU'RE SPENDING A MONTH IN THERE FOR THAT!"
And that is how Anna ended up serving an extended sentence in the Cabinet of Shame.
(Here's a question: what do you do with a confiscated voodoo doll? I mean, can you risk trying to destroy it? How do you know the victim's--I don't know, doll-y essence--hadn't bonded to it already? I couldn't throw it away, either, because then I'd have no control over what might happen to it. So I put it in the inner bottom drawer of my grandmother's jewelry box--you've seen it--and just hoped for the best.)
So I returned to Tonner Edward and his team of physicians, furious, and not really thinking straight.

So I showed him, and the look on his face made me wish I hadn't. I'm sure some of it was indignation, even fury, and it's not as if there had ever been any love lost between him and Anna. But even so--what had he ever done to her? What had he done to be so hated and shunned and feared? What had he ever done to deserve such a raw deal from the fates? The look on his face was like--like the deep, bottomless toll of a lonely old bell.
And that, all those weeks ago, was when I decided that I would order him a Bella his own size the moment I had enough money to spare.
So I did. For Christmas. But she didn't come. And now Anna, with her brand-new trident, is at large again.
(Secret Life read-through; fan community; TV Tropes page)


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