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Occupation: Girl

Please close the door and switch on the fun without fail.

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Because I think it really comes down to this
msauvage purple
cleolinda
So today is Spirit Day. I don't really have any purple to wear, nor anyone to see me wearing it. Bullying has been pretty exhaustively discussed on the internets the last few weeks (although I liked this post the best); I don't really want to get into any of the hows and whys. I was mildly tormented throughout my entire grade-school career, not nothing near as bad as a lot of people had to endure. And the one thing I've figured out from that experience, for absolute sure, is that bullying is able to happen when good people do nothing.

So it doesn't really matter to me what "reason" bullies decide on when they start picking on you. They don't think you're the "right" gender, the right orientation, the right color, the right size; I don't really care. What I'm telling you now is that I'm not going to just stand here anymore. Everyone always says, "Well, it's none of my business." Bullying will be my business now. If I see someone giving you shit, I will tell them to cut that shit out, and we'll take it from there. And if you aren't the one being bullied, and you're standing next to me, I hope you'll back me up. I hope you would do the same for me.

That's my contribution today.



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Thank you for that link...I passed it on via FB.

I've avoided going to any of my high school reunions because the combination of me being bullied in high school and me being a total outspoken bitch with psychotic tendencies nowadays probably wouldn't end well.

And I'm too pretty to go to prison.

Amen, sister.

And thank you for this. ♥

Hear, hear.

I was really badly bullied all through elementary school for being different. I was gullible, and sensitive, and cried a lot. I was kind of my class's emotional punching bag. I remember one time I didn't want to go to school because all I could see in my head was the face of the head bully, just grinning at me, ready to tear me apart. That's the only person in the world I don't quite have it in me to ever forgive, I think.

Now I can't stand bullying in any form. And if I see it, I WILL step in and stop it.

I've already had one child on the playground try to push my child around (literally) and I can tell you as a parent that I was up that jungle gym so fast the little brat probably thought I flew. I won't tell you what I said because I probably DID cross a line but damned if that kid didn't stay on the OTHER SIDE OF THE PLAYGROUND for the rest of the time we were there.

my baby girl was *three*. Just three. The other girl couldn't have been 5 yet and she's already running around deliberately shoving other kids to make them fall over--and coming back to do it again if they don't fall the first time. And saying they're just kids is the worst bullshit reason I've ever had.

No one touches my kid. NO ONE. The end.

It is total bullshit. I've been bullied since the first grade, and those girls knew perfectly well what they were doing and they were very damn good at disguising themselves as my friends whenever it suited them.

I hate to be critique of other cultures but...

Why Americans allow bullys on the first place? When I was growing up in my own country (D.R) no one liked the bullies the one time a girl (a blond one) verbally bullied me the entire class rose against her and I was not even popular (another concept that baffles me we don't have that much social pressure to be popular during our teens), on other bullies the moment they started tormenting kids all you need to do was tell the teacher and she had a long talk to the bully, if he or she continued she called the parents and threatened with expelling it from the school and 9 times out of 10 he parents put a stop to it and when they failed the kid was expelled, so problem solved. He or she was allowed to go back to another school but their records will say why they were expelled on the first place so the social cost of bullying was so high that there was very few of this type around. Now in here I'm totally amazed of how many people just say that it will toughen up the kids...Obviously will not.It can kill them!

Okay sorry if I offended anyone but I really can't wrap my head around this. It might be a cultural barrier hard to pass for me.

Re: I hate to be critique of other cultures but...

I've lived in America my entire life, and I still don't understand the stupid things people in this country tolerate. :/

Edited at 2010-10-20 05:54 pm (UTC)

(Deleted comment)
Agreed.

Also, something that bothers me is, as most people have said, the parents of those kids that are bullies. They don't stop it because often, they don't see anything wrong with it, most likely because they themselves were bullies and never got in trouble for it. That bothers me.

Maybe things have changed in the decade since I've been in public school, but there used to be a terrible tendency to blame the victim. Teachers and administrators constantly told the tormented students that they didn't have appropriate "coping mechanisms." Some administrators and guidance counselors wouldn't give the some of the academically best students recommendations for college, because of these supposed lack of coping mechanisms. Meanwhile, nothing would happen to the bullies. The decent kids stopped reporting the bullying, because *they* were the ones punished, not the perpetrators. It boggles the mind to look back on it, now.

It was like that when I was at school 15+ years ago in the UK - people got away with some heinous stuff. I remember when we were asked to fill out a survey about what could be done about bullying in school, I wrote 'The school should have an Anti-Bullying Campaign/Policy', because I'd seen some reference to this being done in other schools on the news.

And my teacher started asking me about it in this tone that suggested I should be the expert and know exactly how this would work. And I was like... hello? I'm thirteen, and I'm frequently the victim, so how is it my job to figure this stuff out?

Thank you for this. The color people wear today means jack shit if tomorrow, they don't speak up when they see bullying happening.

Amen!

If it's one thing I've ever proudly stood up against, it's bullying. I made a friend for life because I defended her from bullies in the sixth grade. She was, and still is, a bit odd. Says things, does things that people don't normally say or do. So kids started picking on her. I wasn't concerned with her up until I noticed the bullying, because the bullies were the people who called themselves her friends. They'd have her do ridiculously embarrasing things at school, and she'd do them in an attempt to be accepted, but then afterwards they would laugh and taunt her for doing it. Sixth grade isn't too early for people to realize that that shit ain't right.

Ten years later and she's become a lot better at defending herself, but I still have to step in every now and then and tell a so-called adult or two to stop being assholes.

Kindred spirits, you and I. Granted, I actively cultivated the fact that people were afraid of me, and used it to make sure my friends were left alone.

It's not the best solution for everyone but man, if people believe you could do terrible stuff to them, they never, EVER mess with you. (My father was bullied, he taught me among other things how to stare people down.)

THANK YOU. Thank you so much for saying this. I've been in a scary, violent situation where I screamed for ages and nobody came out to help until I ran up a driveway yelling, so I can confirm that most people would just rather not get involved if they see something bad happen, from verbal bullying right up to physical assault.

Conversely, I've witnessed a situation where a woman on a bus hurled racist, anti-immigrant slurs at some Muslim women and their young children, and the guy sitting in front of the bully turned around and took her on. When the bus was stopped and boarded by inspectors and police, the man and others acted as witnesses, and my partner and other passengers entertained the victims' kids while the mums made their statements.

Very different from when my partner was himself the victim of similar abuse (and even threats of violence) on a bus last year, and nobody did anything. But it does take that one person to stand up and say 'stop', because otherwise, everybody else just waits....

I enjoyed and support your contribution... as well at the post you linked to (which I would totally put on my Facebook if not for the ~language; see below for why).

I would have worn purple today, but my school is a) having a conference for which there is much sitting and my purple clothes are uncomfortable for such purpposes (wow that makes me sound so uncommitted) b) rampantly Christian*, so no one else would get it, or be wearing purple, anyway.

I say "rampantly Christian" because in addition to being a "Christian University," our student body is mainly comprised of very conservative evangelical Christians (whereas some schools have more open religious admissions policies, my school only accept professing evengelicals). And I'm not saying it's an intrinsically bad thing, just that it's a very... "closed" campus in the sense that a lot of students were raised in Christian homes or are very sheltered, and are not open to thinking about "controversial" things like homosexuality, homophobia and bullying in terms other than taboo.

I was raised Southern Baptist. I come from a very religious family. I live right smack dab in the middle of the Bible Belt. I wore purple today.

Your comment sort of makes it sound like being a Christian and taking a proactive stand against bullying for ANY reason are mutually exclusive. :(

I still have a lump on my nose from when 5 girls surrounded me after choir practice to beat the shit out of me - apparently someone said I said something about someone...

One of them broke a couple of bones in her hand on my jaw, and that made me happy.

*stands next to Cleo*

Hell. Yes.

It's about time we ALL stood up and said enough is enough.

Maybe I'm wrong about this, but it seems that since being a teenager is a fairly recent cultural convention (It was either kid or adult until about the 1940's, yes?) the idea of holding them responsible as an adult is somewhat problematic, from a legal standpoint if nothing else. Being a teenager puts you in a grey area in terms of expectations and roles, and I wouldn't want to re-visit it at all, but if I did, I'd push for more adult expectations on them. If they can drive a car, they can certainly behave in a manner befitting the rest of society. Or at least how society should be behaving.

The whole teenagedhood is indeed problematic and confusing in many ways

I mean they get access to a potentially mortal weapon, they can vote, they can go to war and die if they feel to, they can get married without parental consent at 18 but yet they are still a teenager on other areas like drinking alcohol and societal expectations till they reach 21, and then we got very old teenagers that feel and act like this till they are at least 25 (age they actually leave the college and might start to support themselves fully and start to think on a long live career and/or marriage or kids) so there is not really a moment they can tell I'm an adult now! like we used to have on ancient societies with rites of passages. So I think that is also part of the problem. They get mixed messages that they are too immature for some things and too immature to other things, so what gives?

I would also say that the idea that to enjoy teen years is to be irresponsible and make mistakes with no consequences makes people to associate responsibility and compromise with boring and stale so they try to extend their teenager years as much as possible and some of them not even ending them.


It's one thing to jump on a trendy bandwagon, but fandom is hardly innocent of bullying - ask anyone who's been dogpiled (on?), abused, harassed, shunned, been forced to make their journal private or been driven away from blogging, or even writing, altogether.

Actually I will say internet is the ultimate paradise of bullies

I mean is cheap, anonymous and you can get a group of people to help you bully with no consequences or policy and gain a lot of social points for it.